In Search of an Enlightened State of Confusion

Oops...

2009-03-04T00:04:00.002-06:00

I just re-read my list from Saturday's post. I'm not supposed to beat myself up or feel guilty about falling behind on some of the things I've vowed to do... Although cleaning my room was not on my list, my inaction applies to all the other things too... I'll have to remember about that anti-guilt clause in the future...

Ugh like a slug

2009-03-03T23:54:00.002-06:00

Ugh is all I have to say for myself so far. I had a great dream last night about going back to my favorite Tuesday night yoga class with my favorite teacher but it was only a dream. In fact, I'm kind of scared to go back to a class because lately random parts of my body have just decided to be irritated or sore. The other night it was my foot that kept me awake. This evening, I was put out of commission for a few hours by a stomach ache (and I KNOW I didn't have any dairy so I can't blame it on the milk allergy!). Right now my shoulder has decided to ache, probably because of the way I was lying on it while reading a book waiting for my stomach ache to dissipate (that is a fun internal rhyme - haha no pun intended...).

Part of me is trying to listen to my body and make the aching go away by resting. But my smart mind is screaming "you're just making excuses for not sitting your butt down on the floor right now to do your magic room cleaning pile method!" Yep, I'm still trying to get my room clean after 3 months of vowing to get rid of things and make my room into a more functional oasis of calm for myself. Even writing this blog entry is a form of procrastination - I'm in my room, I could be sorting through stuff (a lot of which is probably trash or recyclable) but instead, I'm sitting on my bed writing about not doing anything. Ironic is not the right word - sluggishly lazy fits much better. Okay, I'm pumping myself up. I can do this. I've got 3 books on tape to listen to in the process. Alright - I hope you're having a better week than me - I'm going to go sort through stuff I haven't looked at since I moved in 2 years ago! Yay!

A Lenten Promise

2009-02-28T01:47:00.004-06:00

Someone asked me yesterday what I gave up for Lent. I said I hadn't decided. Her response was "isn't it a little late?" since it was a FULL DAY after Ash Wednesday. I had decided what I wanted to "give up" but I am giving up in a different way this year. In the past, my small sacrifices of caffeine or candy or arguing with my sister (that was a long time ago folks...) didn't seem to make a permanent mark on my physical or spiritual life and body. I get uncomfortable around people who talk about how they are giving up sweets so they can lose some pounds from the lower sugar intake. Rarely do I hear of people who keep sacrificing those sweets after Easter, even if it would be something that is just a good, healthy idea. For others, I recognize, the sacrifice of something that is an addiction (like my coworker who is giving up the scones from the coffee cart outside our office) and thus taking focus away from God in many ways, Lent is a good time to focus on that flaw and find a better way to happiness and fulfillment through God.

I feel like a lot of that previous paragraph was apologizing for not agreeing with some Lenten "sacrifice" choices. Maybe what I find absurd is meaningful for someone else. Giving up something for Lentis a practice that people of many different religions take up every year as a sign they are participating in the Lenten season. . Just like ashes on our foreheads on Ash Wednesday show the world our beliefs as Christians.

This year I did not make it to an Ash Wednesday service for the first time since I can remember. I wasn't horribly ill or something like that - I just over scheduled myself and managed to not be around for any of the many masses and ashe distribution ceremonies. I guess that was a little sign that this Lent would be different for me. I felt the good old Catholic guilt when I was walking down Michigan Ave to the dentist and everyone seemed to have ashes but I was not zealous enough to go ot the only service near me that I could make which would have been completely in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish.

Now let me explain my Lenten "Sacrifice." Sacrifice usually connotes to being something we hold on to too much and don't want to give up. For me, it is more a giving of myself into God's hands and pushing myself to heal the spiritual, emotional, and physical obstacles I have been encountering. It all came back to this blog. "In Search of an Enlightend State of Confusion" It is easy to become confused by everything that is going on not just in the world but even closer in the personal life. This lent I am renewing my wish to be a "samadhiseeker," my user name for this blog. I meant to write more about something specific I did tonight but this post is getting long. To be brief, here are some concrete "promises" or standards I am giving to God no matter how frustrating, painful, and exhausting it may be.

1. Do more yoga - yoga is my prayer. When I am doing a sun saluation or lying in savasana, I am talking to God too. In addition, it will help me with depression and anxiety as well as my physical body.

2. Do more weight training - I need to acknowledge the strength God made me capable of and put it to use. Doctors have been telling me all year that losing weight is going to be the biggest prescription that will help alleviate my PCOS symptoms. I'm doing this for myself which in turn is honoring God.

3. Take more walks in the winter when it is so cold, even if that is a walk on the treadmill. This is related toboth 1 and 2. I just read an awesome article about walking meditation that I want to try.

4. Eat no milk. period. This has been a 9-month mandatory sacrifice due to my milk allergy. It is to the point that I have to check bread labels to make sure there are not milk products.

Last, but not least, if for some reason I fall behind or break one of the above intentions (as we often call them in yoga), I must not hate myself or feel guilty. It is okay. Maybe just a quick downward facing dog and child's pose is enough for some days to keep me centered and whole. The most important thing is doing what God wants and I can feel God cheering me on. These are all "selfish" as in they are all about me but I have been learning in the last few months that if I am not whole, I cannot do much to help others.

What do you think about Lenten sacrifices? Have you ever given up or done something that made your Lent more meaningful and memorable?

A Philosophical/Psychological Self-Examination Caused by a Detour on the Bus

2008-08-07T16:45:00.006-05:00

On my Facebook profile I have an application that allows people to annoymously submit words which they think describe me. The more times a word is voted for, the bigger it is. Feel free to check it out and add words if you haven't already. In any case, the most voted for words that are supposed to describe me are enthusiastic, kind, creative, silly, and spiritual, followed closely by things like loyal, genuine, thoughtful, present, etc. I find this too extremely interesting because psychologically in our society, individuals use the perceptions of what other think of them as the main building blocks of self-identification (see Yoga and the Search for the True Self by Stephan Cope for more on this;I like to state my sources). Therefore this application both describes and defines at the same time for some people. Luckily I have always resisted basing my identity only on what others think. All that being said, knowing how others perceive you is fun and flattering but at times can be hard to swallow (if people are honest). This is all leading up to one word that was posted on my "Define Me" application. High-strung.

High-strung is something I used to think of myself as but haven't really for a long time. When it popped up it was hard for me to understand why it was there. Today I came to understand why I can't agree with it because of a situation on a CTA bus that unnerved me a great deal. I'll explain what happened first.

Every day when I go to work, I take one of the Express CTA buses that hops on Lake Shore Drive to make the trip downtown a lot faster and efficient for commuters. These buses are not always reliable but if you just have a little patience and give yourself time in case they are late, there is no problem. On my way home, I do the same thing. Downtown all 5 buses (4 of which are express) I can take home stop at the same stops so I usually just hop on the first express bus that shows up. Two of these buses gets off LSD (yeah, I know it is funny initials but we all use them here in print) about a mile and a half south of where I live. The other two get off a few blocks from where I live. Of course I'd rather get on one that waits to get off the express part later so I get home earlier but really, what does the 10minutes really mean in the course of the day?

Today I was lucky, I thought, because my favorite express bus that lets me off a block from my apartment and runs express almost all the way there came first. I got on, actually had a seat, put on my phones to listen to music, and opened my book to read, the best way to pass the bus time. As we approached Delaware, the last stop downtown before getting on LSD, the bus apparently started to go as if it was going to go on surface streets instead. A few people yelled out complaints and "explained" to the driver that this was an express bus and the express bus gets on Lake Shore Drive at Delaware. I ignored it because as far as I'm concerned, it is my time to catch up on my fiction reading and listen to music for a change. The bus did get on LSD but then things got interesting. I was sitting in the seat right behind the driver's box so I noticed that the man standing up near the front was talking to the bus driver about how this bus was a 148 not a 145 (meaning it waits to get of LSD at a later exit than the 145). Apparently the bus driver was disagreeing and was going to get off at the exit that is about a mile and a half from my apartment. Well people started getting generally upset and worried because the 145 afternoon route stops way before the 148 end point. The front of the bus clearly said 148. The bus driver kept quietly insisting that she was going to get off at the earlier exit, which she did. At this point, people started yelling "Get back on the Drive! You're not supposed to get off here! This is a 148! It's an Express!" The bus driver said something about not taking the express route which was strange since there is no such route as far as we knew and she did not get back on the Drive, despite the 50+ people yelling directions at her. This was a full bus.

So what am I doing this whole time? I was sitting in my seat, happily trying to shut out the yelling people and read my book. Then it got to be too much. The yelling had stopped since it was obvious the driver was not going to get back on LSD. She had also assured everyone that she was in fact going to the end point of the 148 route and thus driving that route with the one exception of which exit she used. Now people were just grumbling not very quietly. I finally took my earphones out and said politely "Maybe there is a reason we don't know about that she is not getting off at [the later stop]. She's going to the same place as the 148 on the same route so maybe there is something we don't know. Everyone is going to get home. It's not really going to take that much longer just because we got off a little early." I was very calm about it and just wanted people to not be so upset! I could almost feel how high people had let their blood pressure get and the negative energy was overwhelming. I thought maybe some of them would think "she's right and I'm not going to waste any more energy on something I can't control." I was also confused as to why these people didn't just get off the bus if they had such a problem with the driver. However, all I got was some angry looks and comments like "well she didn't want to even get on Lake Shore Drive to begin with! No one is getting off until the normal stop so why don't we just get back on the drive! etc etc etc" I said my last word which was "well, I just wanted to point out that maybe she has been told something or knows something we don't. We're going to get home which is the important part." After that I went back to tuning it all out and trying to read my book.

Not long after, only about 5 minutes delayed by the "detour," I got off at my stop a block away from my apartment. I said a very loud "Thank you" to the bus driver with a smile, like I always do, and got off. She looked appreciative that I had smiled and I just felt so bad for her! I don't know what was behind this weird route but I emphathised with the driver and almost felt like crying for her sake. It also must have been even scarier for her since the bus riders were almsot becoming an angry mob! As I walked home I contemplated my reaction and wondered why I hadn't been upset. Four or five years ago, maybe I would have been.

Maybe it was just because I wasn't in a rush to get home and didn't mind be a few minutes late. Maybe it was that I just didn't care enough. However, I think it is a sign that I am a much more flexible, accepting person than I used to be. Whoever wrote "present" on my Define Me application must have noticed that I tend to be more like this lately. I was in the moment, experiencing the moment, but also aware that it was just one moment that would not negatively affect the whole universe or probably even most of the individual universes of the people on the bus. In fact, I'm feeling pretty "laid back," which is something no one to my knowledge has ever used to describe me.

So how does this all relate back to "high strung"? For some reason the Define Me words popped into my head while I was walking home and I wondered, as usual, why someone sees me as high-strung. It is not a positive word but not meant to be cruel either. Well, as I was writing the first part of this post, I realized what it is: when other people "define you" they are only interpreting the actions and words they observe you using. They do not see the motivation. Often times it does not matter because things like "enthusiastic" are just that - it's pretty easy to tell when someone is enthusiastic about something. Things like "creative" are a judgement on things you have seen a person produce or heard them say. "High-strung" on the other hand is how you interpret a person's reaction to an event. That reaction can be motivated by so many underlying things that it becomes a lot tougher to get right without really knowing what the person is feeling. I wear my heart on my sleeve which means I cry pretty easily. At times I can get really frustrated by things and vent angrily. I can also get pretty passionate about things and go on diatribes about them which some people don't understand or can't see the motivation. All these things can be interpreted as "high-strung" In fact, I could be interpreting "high-strung" wrong too! I'll never know but I do know that by the way I define it, I would not use it or let it define me.

A better name for the facebook application would be "Describe me" because I personally don't let anyone "define me." I just let it go in this case because, well, I'm pretty laidback about it and still enjoy seeing what people see in me. Two of my favorite "Define me" phrases are crochet-ish and best-sister-ever. Only one person has voted for each of these yet they really mean more to me than some of the more voted for phrases. I'm pretty sure I know who made the sister comment, since my brother isn't a Facebook person and has another sister anyways (who also has Define Me so it might be bad if one of us was actually described as the "best"). It's fun even so! I'm not going to erase "high-strung" either just because I don't agree with it. It has obviously made me think a lot about myself today. I'm not letting it define me anymore or make me worried because really, what will it matter in the long run?

So just a little blip in the CTA bus driver service caused a lot of thought today. I'm praying for all those other people on the bus today because I don't want anyone to be stressed out about what happened. Would it have been the end of the world if we had been forced to get off early? There are plenty of other buses that go along that route. Most of the people were young professionals who really could walk a bit if needed. So I hope they are all "over it" by now because there are too many important things happening the world to be worried about a 5 minute delay.

I hope you had a nice day too!

A new favorite book (I have more than one already)

2008-08-04T00:59:00.000-05:00

Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier

My review

If you are looking for a review that is more about the plot and characters, you'll have to look elsewhere. However, these are my thoughts on my experience of reading this book:

This is now one of my favorite books. It was amazing. There are several reasons I loved this book but there is one that explains all the others - somehow I really identified with the protagonists even though on the surface I am nothing like her. However, I must have found something in her to identify with because I actually cried while reading this book. Twice! The really horrific things that happened to Sorcha (the heroine of the story) were so real when I was reading I couldn't help crying for her. Then at the end, I cried for a very different reason but I won't say why exactly because it would give things away.

Crying at the movies is something people admit to a lot. Crying while reading books I think is less common. This is only the 2nd book I can remember that made me cry. The other one was Number the Stars by Lois Lowry, about the Holocaust. I think the mood one is in makes a big different to how one reacts to a story but even so, the story must be told well enough for the reader to identify so strongly.

The other way I know I identified with Sorcha has to do with talking. In order to break an evil enchantment placed on her brothers, she is not allowed to speak or explain why she is not speaking in any way until she is finished with a task set out for her. Therefore all her dialogue for most of the book is in terms of descriptive gestures or thoughts she can communicate with a few of her brothers without speaking. The story is also told in 1st person which makes her silence fascinating since the reader knows everything she wants to say but can't say. As I was reading on Saturday, I was startled when I had to say something to my roommate or if she said anything to me throughout the day. It was as if I was thinking "Don't talk! Everything will be ruined if we talk!"

This book was one that I wanted to never end but at the same time I really wanted to finish it so I could make sure everything turned out okay! When I took it back to the library tonight I almost didn't put it in the book drop, thinking I may want to read parts again. However, I let it go because I do recognize that I have a strong, probably abnormal attachment to books and reading... That attachment, though, is what makes me love reading so much. I have plenty of friends in real life but books are the only friends I can really "hang out" with when I am feeling introverted, if that makes any sense to anyone but me. I can read a book alone and feel completely renewed, the way that extroverts can gain energy from socializing. Reading gives me the energy to really enjoy my extroverted social times. This book is a perfect example because I had a wonderful weekend reading alone but when I went out with friends tonight, I felt more free and willing to socialize than I have in a long time. Maybe I just needed to have a good book to talk about ;)

View all my reviews.

Mystery Novels Post #1

2008-07-23T13:42:00.004-05:00

I've been reading some AMAZING mystery novels lately (well, reading and listening to). They are the Maisie Dobbs books by Jaqueline Winspear and the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters. Both are innovative historically based series with outstanding female protagonists.

I'll start first with Miss Maisie Dobbs, one of my new favorite heroines of all time! These books are set in post-WWI England around 1930-31. That may seem like a long time after the "Great War" but these books illuminate how long-lasting the effects of war can be. Maisie Dobbs is a product of the changing social ideals of the 1900s-1930s, born to a poor London family and entering "service" as a maid at age 11. Her employer quickly notices her intelligence and curiosity and engages a tutor for her which changes her future options immensely, as you can imagine. When WWI breaks out in Europe, England becomes a different world full of propoganda, broken families, and major social changes as young men leave their service or menial labor jobs to become soldiers and women are able to rise from scullary maids to welders or workers in munition factories. Maisie starts at Oxford partway through the war but soon enlists as a nurse and is sent to France. I won't give away any more of her background because the unfolding of details throughout all the books, especially Maisie Dobbs, the first book in the series, are a major player in the mysteries. After the war Maisie studies pyschology and investigation under her old tutor and when the book begins, she is just starting up her own psychology and private investigation office in London.

Where is the mystery, you may be asking? Maisie is hired by all sorts of interesting characters for investigations which seep into the realm of psychology. Maisie approaches her client's problems with psychological inquiry in addition to regular detective work and often discovers the root of the solution is embedded in the war, even a decade after its conclusion. On the back of one book, a critic remarked that her mysteries are more "why-done-it"s rather than "who-done-it"s, which is a very accurate description of her stories. The characters are always rich and multi-layered which makes you just want to read the next book as soon as you are done with one.

I recently read that short blog posts are better so I will leave Amelia Peabody to a later post. Besides, I'm at work waiting for our network scheduling system to be fixed so we can actually do work....

Ignorance is not bliss for the intelligent people who are expected to tolerate it!

2008-02-26T22:18:00.003-06:00

ARGH! I went to www.cleveland.com to see if I could find debate footage (it was streamed on this website live) or some informative articles about what people said. Instead I found an ignorant blogger from this website who tried to be witty but really just showed off how little she knows or understands. I haven't had a chance to listen to footage of the debate yet because I felt it was necessary to make some sort of reply to this woman. She closed her short post by saying:

"So far, the NBC moderators have failed to ask the foreign policy question that people most want them to address: "If you're elected president, do you promise to never, ever, ever, to embarrass the nation by allowing yourself to be photographed in ethnic garb?" (Just so credit is given were credit is do, the blogger's name is Sabrina Eaton and a link to her post can be accessed above).

Here was my response:

It's unfortunate that Obama's willingness to learn about other perspectives and honor other traditions is condemned as a bad thing! No, I'm not talking about making deals with dictators, which I am certain Obama will not do! However, there has been WAY too much uproar about the picture of Obama in traditional Somali garb! I am part of this nation and my first reaction to the picture was pride, not ignorant embarrassment! Obama was given the clothes as gift and he honored his hosts by putting it on as a sign of respect, just as their giving it to him can be seen as a sign of respect! It is the traditional garb of the ELDERS, the wise among the many! Obama is Christian and showing respect to other traditions makes him no less Christian. In fact, as a Christian myself, I think it makes him a better Christian by showing his willingness to be open new ideas and new ways of seeing God's love. If Obama had done something offensive instead of putting on the gift of the garments, he would not have been a true vessel of God's love, something all Christians are supposed to want to be.

The US Government, especially the White House, has shown itself to be close minded and ignorant on most issues of religious diversity in the world. Peace depends on a great deal on peace and understanding between religions. If more people were educated about the religions of our "enemies," they probably would not hate us so much. Soldiers would know that flushing a Koran down a toilet is paramount to burning down a church or smearing an altar with feces. Just because the religion is different doesn't mean it is completely wrong. Respect others and they will learn to respect you.

And something I should have added but just thought of:

I have been more embarrassed by my nation over the last eight years than I was seeing a picture of Obama in ethnic Somali garb from a trip to his ancestral land of Kenya.

I must be missing something...

2008-02-26T14:26:00.002-06:00

So, the latest "huge" attack from the Clinton campaign is a picture from 2006 featuring Barack Obama dressed in the garb of a traditional Somali elder. When I saw the picture, I thought "Oh cool! I think it's great that Obama is willing to go outside the box and try to converse and get along with members of other faith communities, especially the Muslims who have been getting the bad rap for the last 7 years (or more)!" Apparently this is not what I am supposed to be getting from the picture. I'm supposed to look at the picture and think "Oh my god! Obama's Muslim!! He's goin to change America into an Islamist state and promote bad terrorist things to happen to all of the heathen Americans!" Since my interpretation was so totally different, could someone please tell me what I'm missing? Thanks!

Two guesses as to the subject of this post....

2008-02-22T00:11:00.002-06:00

Any more than two guesses would be way too easy, since I'm sure you all got it on the first try....

YAY OBAMA!!!!

See? Told ya so... You didn't need more than two guesses.
I know I'm a little late on this post but better late than never! I wrote this post in my head on Tuesday but didn't quite get around to writing it down...

In any case, yay for Obama's 9th and 10th straight wins! I read today that Hillary will need 57% of the remaining delegates in order to get the nomination. In addition, some of her superdelegates are deserting her for various reasons, mainly to align themselves with their state or distracts choice based on the primaries. Good for them! I think superdelegates should listen carefully to what the voters in their area are saying, no matter if it means more for Clinton or more for Obama.

I was listening to last Saturday's edition of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! on my NPR podcast on Monday and I was literally laughing aloud on the bus to work. My favorite segment was in the first quiz, "Who's Carl This Time." The link above will take you to the show's webpage and if you want to find what I'm about to mention, go to the segment listed above. Or listen to the whole show because it's always pretty hilarious.

One of the questions was about something Obama said in a speech about being ready to take on McCain if needed. That part was funny (involved discussion of boxing and candidates with long arms) but what was really funny was some of the improv following the question. The host, Peter Segal, mentioned how many critics of the Obama campaign are complaining that his following has become cult-like and his rallies are more like revivals. I don't remember which one of the panalists responded but whoever it was said "yeah, but one Obama supporter came back to say 'Well it's obviously not a revival because how many of them have speeches given by Jesus himself!'" I probably paraphrased that a bit but I laughed so hard! The things the panalists (made up of great comedians) come up with are similar to some of the headlines you'd find in The Onion. I particularly found this bit funny because it unabashedly made fun of Obama supporters like me! I like laughing at myself occasionally. The crew at Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! are not afraid of making fun of newsmakers on all sides of political and social debates.

Then Peter Sagel mentioned that some people liken Obama and his supporters to Tom Cruise on the Oprah Show, when he did his monkey dance jumping up and down on the couch (see my post from Summer 05 or '06 for more on that issue...). When I got home I told Eva about this and her reply made my day (it was a very happy, laughy day.)

Eva said "Well, you know that if Obama had a really decisive victory and IF we had a couch, we'd be jumping on it." Leave it to Eva to come up with something funnier than Peter Sagel.

Well, that's all I have to say for the moment. I'm still an ardent fan of Obama and don't forsee this changing. Ever. I read a couple other blog posts that Jonathan "shared" on Google Reader and I'll try to put those links up for those of you who don't have access to Jonathan's "shared" stuff on Google. I have also "shared" them on my Reader account if you're interested. I'm up way too late as it is so I'll just have to post them later.

Batman Begins... Again... or "Why I see movies the way I do"

2008-02-16T01:25:00.003-06:00

I don't know why I bother trying to state my opinion sometimes. I'm awake way too late tonight because of a quick review I posted on my new Flixter on Facebook page, a review I didn't know would be public although I'm sure I should have figured it out.

If you've been reading my blog for a long long time, you probably remember my rampage on Superhero movies back that started with Batman Begins on June 22, 2005 (that is a hint of where to go in my archives if you're interested). I am still very interested in the ideas I mentioned there about what movies are truly empowering to women as women and when are the women just enacting male roles in order to fit into the mainstream (see Jacob's comment for more questions on that).

So anyways, I decided to cut and paste the comments from the movie review (a sentence or two I might add was all I wrote) so you can see how I can completely overreact to silly, half thought out comments. I deserved since I had only half thought out my review.

Since the review has now been modified, I'll just tell you the gist of what I first wrote was "this is a sexist movie blah blah blah why can't we have a strong superpowered woman or at least a strong female sidekick" That is when the comments began. As you can see, I was getting frustrated responding so now only my friends can make comments on my reviews, as they are the only people I was thinking of in the first place. Read on:

Comment from Random Guy #1

"uh.....it's called Bat MAN for a reason."

I commented

"That doesn't mean there can't be any strong female characters involved in the plot. The women that are lucky enough to make it in the movie could be a lot stronger and less like silly damsels in distress

So the name is BatMAN. Does that mean all men are sexist pigs? I don't think so. I just think this movie did not do justice to how good men can be, including to their female counterparts."

Random Guy #2 commented

"Then you want to watch "Girl Power!: Femine Powers Activate". This was about Batman, about Bruce Wayne. How was he a sexist pig? Because he was more influenced by the male figures in his life than the women?

To call "Batman Begins" sexist is downright puzzling. You may think it didn't have a strong female character (what did you think of Rachel Dawes, an assistant district attorney in a rough, corrupted city...how many female DA's are there in movies again?) but that doesn't make it sexist."

I commented

"I'm sorry, I meant misogynistic, which I doubt will make any more sense to you. I'll change my review accordingly. I was under the impression my friends would be the ones reading my short review and they mostly know they can read more detailed analysis on my blog, where I am able to expand in more analytical and intellectual terms. The characters are not sexist. The movie is misogynistic because it reinforces fundamental patriarchall ideas instead of daring to make women strong and influential."

Then I went and modified my review and commented

at 11:14pm

"Please notice my above changed review. I hope this appeases some the frustration or puzzlement for the two of you."

Before I post the modified review, I feel the need to address a few things said above. I probably wasn't too clear on my responses or at least I used too many sophisticated literary devices like RHETORICAL QUESTIONS! When I asked if the commenter was saying BatMAN meant that it means that all men are sexist pigs, I was trying to make a point that just because a movie is about a MAN, it does not have to be sexist. Then I was attacked for saying the character of Batman was a sexist pig. I don't think I ever said that. I never said his character was anything - I said the movie was sexist. Oh well! So in case more morons read my review, I wrote a slightly longer response that changed the "sexist" parts to "misogynoistic" because that probably is more accurate to what I was saying and really stupid people won't be able to understand what it means anyways so I don't have to worry about them thinking I'm saying Bruce Wayne is sexist.

I'm a little worked up about this, can you tell? This is why I don't think I would be a very good film critic because the majority of the world out there does not watch movies like I do most of the time. I can't turn off the way I watch movies (and read books and watch TV for that matter) and still be true to who I am. I believe that movies, TV, and books have a powerful means of influencing us through subliminal positioning of certain ideals and I would feel weird putting a lot of effort into ignoring what power these mediums can hold. I'm not saying anyone else is stupid for not caring about the subliminal stuff either. It does not make anyone better or worse, smarter or stupider. It just means that I, being who I am, growing up as I did, and studying what I did in college, must be able to have these subtle readings of how books, movies, etc can influence others because it is a part of who I am and what I want to do with my life. All the subtle things add up to much bigger issues, in particular for young women. I want my cousins and nieces and maybe daughters to get reaffirming messages about being a woman without having it hit over their head. I also want the next generation of men to have more men with balanced ideas (like most of the important men in my life - my brothers, my father, my best friend) so that these misogynistic undertones don't accidentally happen anymore in a way that will slowly eat away at self-esteem and self-worth of women. All of what I am saying can be applied to other issues such as socioeconomic differences and race although they are less likely to be subliminal references in movies. I don't know how exactly I can influence this change but I know I'll figure it out. If I could find a paper or website that wanted to hear a feminist academic take on movies, I'd be happy to write for them. But for now I'm starting with my blog, where I can write anything I want and people can comment in a much more intelligent way than the two idiots... I mean people.... on Facebook.

To close, here is what my new review says:

"My previous review was vastly misunderstood. I thought this movie looked good and was entertaining. However, I think the overall story and portrayal of all the characters combined made a very misogynistic movie that hurts efforts to actively change...(read more) society's subconscious sexism in many situations. When I say I want a strong female character, I recognize that the protagonist is a male. However, despite the nominal power of the Katie Holmes character as an Assistant DA, she is still helpless and reliant completely on the men. There are also issues of the way the movie was filmed artistically that affect my view on this movie as misogynistic which I wrote out in detail in a blog post when the movie came back. My friends know me and know I have some backing to my outrageous claims, whether or not they agree with me. Next time you watch this movie, just try to look past the entertainment aspect (which was great) and see a little more of the underlying tones. The subliminal, subtle fabric of the film has more effect on the psyche than one might expect in an action adventure film.

I did not have similar problems with the first two X-Men movies, you may notice, because Bryan Singer did an excellent job of equalizing the forces of masculine and feminine by creating interesting characters who were portrayed in a very different light and shot in a different style from Batman Begins. Of course this all changed in X-Men 3 but that is another blog post. If you're not on my friend list and not able to see my blog, sorry. I am more interested in rating movies and writing reviews for the people who know me somewhat and can take what I say with a grain of salt by knowing my background and where I'm coming from. I have added another star since the 1 star was harsh when I was entertained initially."

It's Too Darn Hot

2008-02-14T22:18:00.002-06:00

Yes, you read that correctly. I'm complaining about heat during a relatively long cold snap in Chicago. Here is why: It is 80 degrees in my bedroom despite the fact that I have had my window cracked since 3pm this afternoon. We also have windows cracked in the living room and Eva's room. I'm sure that if we opened them all the way we would have a nice refrigerator since it is going to drop 20 degrees tonight but some kind of happy medium would be nice! I hate not having control over our heating system. At first I thought I was annoyed just because I'm a control freak. Now I'm annoyed because it is interfering with my sleep! Isn't room temp around 72 degrees? That is a nice temperature to fall asleep in. Not 80 degrees.

Recently I was talking to a friend during some icebreakers on retreat and we were told to discuss what we like to do when the weather outside gets extremely cold. His answer was he likes to open his window all the way and then curl up under his covers to read a book. I thought he was a little insane but I think I can understand his sentiment now! He must have building controlled heat-radiating floors. Thermostats were invented for a reason, people! I'd even like to go back to the silly condo thermostat that used the guage "hotter" and "cooler" instead of real temperature settings.

I feel better now having vented my frustration over super warm apartments. It is kind of ironic since at the beginning of the winter I was freezing in my room all the time and had to wear several layers to bed. That was just a fluke, apparently. They prefer roasted tenants rather than frozen tenants in my building.

Oh yeah, and it would be nice to have the other six dryers in the laundry working, seeing as we have 22 floors worth of people doing laundry and only 4 semi-functional dryers!

Okay, now I really feel better. Despite the tone of this post, I really did have an okay day. I went to my new yoga class which went a lot better than last week - my body is slowly remembering how to deal with all those muscles it's not accustomed to using.

Hopefully the yoga will counteract the temperature problem in my apartment. I'm off to try to sleep!

Books, Thai food, and a movie...

2008-02-13T23:11:00.003-06:00

It's been an eventful Wednesday for me (compared to my usually quite boring mid-weekdays when I have nothing to do...). I say eventful because I did more than one thing today. Actually I did a lot of things which was nice. I went to the library to take back four books and ended coming back with at least eight. I answered my phone TWICE which is a miracle since I usually forget to take it out of my coat pocket or leave it in another room (accidently of course) where I can't hear it.

Oh yeah - after I went to the library I decided it would be a great idea to just go straight to the grocery store to pick up essentials (apple juice, Whole Grain Goldfish, and chocolate soy milk) instead of walking the block back to my apartment and then walking the approximately three blocks to the grocery store unburdened of my huge bag of library books. My apartment is not technically on the route from the library to the grocery store - it is about half a block extra (so I would have walked a total of one extra block). You can see the illogical math here seeing as I had a large reusable grocery bag full of books. I had planned to use the bag on groceries. Oops... I ended up buying yet another reusable grocery bag because I feel insanely guilty now when I use the plastic grocery bags. China's way ahead of us and actually has a minimum thickness requirement for plastic bags and forces customers to pay extra if they do not bring in reusable bags! (I love NPR). Now the books would not have been so bad if I hadn't gotten all the heavy stuff at the store - two things of soy milk, a half gallon of apple juice, some frozen stuff, and one of the huge containers of Goldfish (the one that looks like an over-sized milk carton). My arms feel much stronger now, having made this trip to the library and the grocery store.

I just realized that I described above a trip to the library and the grocery store as eventful! I find that sad. I did go up to Evanston tonight though to have dinner with my former roommate and dear friend. We had Thai which I haven't eaten in a long time which was quite wonderful. Mmmmm curry with potatoes, peas, and tofu..... It was just really nice to see her and catch up on our exciting lives. Yes, my trip to the library and grocery store did come up...

After dinner we went to see the movie Juno which was an excellent idea. As you may remember from a former post, I love this movie. What was even nicer than just going to see the movie, though, was that we arrived about half an hour early so we had a good 20 minutes to just sit in the theater and talk. I like moments like that - it makes the movie going experience more social and personal. I often go to movies by myself because sitting in front of a movie or TV with other people does not seem incredibly social for me. However, I had a lot of fun watching Juno with Erica. Afterwards she said "I love this soundtrack!" Luckily I had already brought her a copy of it since I bought it last week.

Then we decided that this is one of our favorite movies. We have very similar taste in movies. I have decided I have three favorite movies. This is a big deal for me because when someone asked me what my favorite movie was freshman year of college, I had no idea. I finally settled on Amelie because it is one of the few movies I can watch over and over again and still love it. The other to favorites are actually both from the last 12 months - Waitress and Juno. I realized tonight that there is one major similarity between all three of these movies - they have strong female protagonists who demonstrate independence and fortitude in a society I can actually relate to! I've been having a lot of dreams about high school lately, mostly nightmares about not having really graduated or having the city bus route change completely. I think it is because of the high school depicted in Juno. We didn't have sports and I wasn't pregnant, but I could certainly relate to Juno's experience in many ways. I could go on and on about why I love these movies but this post is too long already.

So that was my day - it was exciting. It may not seem like it from reading the above but for me, it was a nice change of pace. Next week I have a stage management gig with a mime company which will probably be even more exciting than going to the grocery store but I still have a couple days to wait before that big adventure starts...

And yes, I'm still exuberant about Obama's wins yesterday - we're finally ahead in the total delegate counter, whether you include superdelegates or not! Yipee!

Yay OBAMA.... And This American Life

2008-02-13T00:00:00.004-06:00

Hey loyal blog readers. I'm really tired with abit of a headache so bear with me through this short post.
Take a look at the table below....

Democratic Delegate Count

Needed to nominate:	2025
Total delegate votes:	4049

Candidate	Plgd	Supr	Total*
Obama	1052	160	1212
Clinton	949	242	1191

Data table from npr.org
_______________________________
Unless you've been living under a rock the last few days, Barack Obama has SWEPT all the primaires and caususes that have been held after Super Tuesday.

In the wake of this exciting night of three wins for Barack - DC, Maryland, and Virginia. Even more wonderful is that he has a significant lead in these three states unlike some previous primaries that ended pretty much 50-50. The numbers right now are showing over 60% in all the two states and DC. I think Zev was right when he told me that the momentum of the Obama campaign is just getting more and more exciting and getting more and more votes. This will be a very long battle, I do not doubt, with the close number in delegates on the Democratic side. Notice please when you look at delegate counts to see whether or not the total includes superdelegates which say nothing about what the voters of America are saying (for the most part - they are not required to vote according to what their state voters want.)

NPR, my best friend, has several interesting stories and articles about all that math stuff I was bitching about the other night.

What NPR also has is the wonderful show "This American Life." I subscribe the to podcast because sometimes I just get sick of listening to the political podcasts I have or I'm not in the mood to just listen to music. Today it was because I wanted something to listen to while doing laundry (which is a hard feat when almost all 10 dryers are broken and there are hundreds of people in our 22-story building wanting to do laundry but having no dryers....).

If you need a laugh-out-loud funny moment, listen to the episode "The Super." The entire episode is about stories involving building supers. For anyone who is unfamiliar with This American Life, it is a great show where the host finds stories of the most random nature in America and compiles them into hour long shows based on themes. Another one I listened to recently was about matchmaking and my favorite so far was probably the one about the 10 commandments. In "The Super" episode, the first two acts are hilarious, one featuring an alleged Brazilian hit-man who is managing a NYC highrise while the second involves a weight-lifting snowman. The last "act" is more sad though. It is about a young super (who inherited the job and building from his dad) and must learn when to draw the line with tenants. This is by far my favorite episode although the one about quiz shows I listened to yesterday was pretty hilarious and interesting as well.

Yay Maine!

2008-02-10T18:26:00.001-06:00

So Obama's won Maine and Hillary Clinton is replacing her campaign manager. Nothing says "I'm really confident about how my campaign is going" like replacing the campaign manager. Yeah. I don't think I need to say anything more. Y'all know I'm excited (about Obama of course, not Hillary's problems!)

Brrrr!

2008-02-10T14:12:00.000-06:00

It is freaking cold outside! I got up earlier than usual for a Sunday morning in order to go down to St. C's to shadow the sacristan. When I left, the temperature was -1 degrees, -14 with windchill. I expected it to warm up this afternoon. Nope. It is now a "balmy" 2 degrees now, -19 degrees with windchill.

Now that I'm home, I think I'll just stay curled up in this nice warm corner of my bed with my heating pad and computer. Being outside is not fun. As I was walking to the bus this morning, I felt like I was walking around naked on a chilly spring morning. Only difference is that I had at least 3 layers on all over, gloves, scarf, and hat. Yeah, it's cold. The bus came pretty quickly going to St. C's but on the way back I had to wait for about 5-10minutes. It felt like a lot longer because my fingers were freezing despite the gloves. I suppose it is my faulty since I insisted on reading my book while waiting, forgoing the hands in pockets approach to staying warm.

But now I'm nice and cozy at home and no obligations to go anywhere the rest of the day! Hooray! This will keep me warm AND prevent any broken bones due to stupid people who let their portion of the sidewalk freeze over with two inches of ice! Anyways, hope the rest of you are nice and toasty in your warmer climes.

"This is one doodle that can't be undid, home-skillet."

2008-02-09T22:17:00.000-06:00

***I wrote this post over a week ago but got caught up in the election stuff. I know this makes two long posts in one day but I figured I haven't posted since Wednesday so what's the harm. Click on the title above for a great trailer for the movie Juno, which is hopefully still playing in a theater near you!***

Now that my mother has proclaimed that I should be a movie critic, I am very nervous about writing about Juno, an amazing independent movie that is nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. Until last week when the nominations were announced, I had never heard of this movie before. A new friend who is a grad student at DePaul asked a bunch of friends from the retreat I went on last week if we wanted to go see one of the Oscar nominated movies. Juno was the suggested movie so I went to watch the trailer. I fell in love with the movie just from those few minutes of the preview. Luckily I was not disappointed after seeing the actual movie yesterday.

Juno follows the surprise pregnancy of the title character, who at 16 by no means wants to be having a baby. After deciding not to have an abortion (in one of my favorite scenes), her friend suggests that she look in the PennySaver for adoptive parents who are "desperately seeking spawn," in the words of Juno's best friend Leah.

I suppose this movie could easily be classified as a "coming of age" story yet I think that classification implies something contrary to the message I got out of the movie. Coming of age implies that a character goes through a process of maturity that leads into the next phase of life, such as teenage to adulthood. However, Juno is searching to discover her place in the phase she is supposed to be in as a teenager. Being pregnant complicates the difficult social trials every teenage girl deals with in high school. It is almost as though she is backtracking to the stage of life in which she belongs. In a great scene between Juno and her father, her father asks where she's been. Juno replies "I've just been out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level." The fact that she can recognize this is proof of her high level of maturity for a 16 year old, in an ironic sort of way. It is fascinating to watch a young woman who is acting more like an adult - taking pregnancy tests, acting above the other specimen at her school, etc - become more like the teenager she should be.

It has been a long time since I have seen a movie that is so purely pro-woman with amazingly strong female characters. Most movies tend towards traditional gender roles with subtle inferences of sexism (if you're wondering what I mean, go back to last year's posts about X-Men 3 and Batman Begins). Juno, on the other hand, is empowering (enough so that I want to go see it again soon). The funny thing is, nothing about the gender dynamics seemed artificial, proving that women can dominate a movie without it either becoming a chick-flick or seem like it is trying too hard! I hope other filmmakers pay attention and start making more women heroes! In addition, the male characters show a spectrum of strengths and flaws, just as the women do. We need balance in movies instead of taking sides with one gender or the other.

For example, Jennifer Garner's character, the wife in the adopting couple, seems unlikable at first until we are shown the flip side of the relationship. I don't want to give away too much but if you see this, pay attention to who sympathies change towards Jason Bateman's character (the husband in the adopting couple) throughout the movie. I was pleasantly surprised by my own reactions in the end. Juno's father, on the other hand, is like the wise old owl and loving father, played brilliantly by J.K. Simmons. Just so you know, all the performances were brilliant so I won't go through each of them here. Watch out for Ellen Page who played Juno, though! She was amazing and brought things to the character I'm sure no one else could have pulled off.

I really liked this movie, can you tell? The last issue I want to mention is fertility and adoption. I took a class in college called "Feminism and Fertility" in the Religion department. Since that class I have developed very strong feelings about infertility treatments and adoption. Juno shows us the struggle and journey of the individuals involved in adoption - the adoptive parents, the birth parents, the friends and family of the birth parents, etc. A lot of people don't think about the pain couples go through when they are not able to conceive on their own. Most people know that adoptions take months or years to go through the system but I've found even myself thinking of that time as mere "annoyance. Society has a "normal way" that children are brought into this world and become parts of families. Even though adoption is much more accepted in modern society than it was in the beginning of the last century, it is often seen as a "last resort." It is often assumed that only people who are "defective" in terms of reproduction adopt and therefore the couple can be stigmatized amongst others, especially in non-American cultures. In this film, however, we are shown the emotional journeys of both the adopting parents and the willing birth mother (and father and grandparents). Adoption takes just as much patience, hard work, and LOVE as being pregnant yourself and having a baby. I think this movie is a strong reminder to those of who may forget this from time to time. I have even more respect for my aunt and uncle who adopted two children and for all others who take the emotional risk to help children who need families.

Juno tackles these issues and more, highlighting both the humor and sadness found in all of the characters' lives. From the stress of high school dances to the pain in the delivery room, this movie shows what is real in life and what truly matters.

Three more wins!

2008-02-09T21:31:00.000-06:00

Hooray! In case you have not heard yet, Obama has won Washington State, Nebraska, and Louisiana! It looks like he won Washington and Nebraska with leads of over 30%! His momentum is still going strong and I'm excited. The results from Louisiana are still coming in at this time but he has a definite lead there no matter what - it is no Missouri or New Mexico with the even split votes.

Tomorrow will be interesting for two reasons. The first is that Maine will have it's Democratic Causus with 24 delegates up for grab (it may not seem like much but take into account how close Obama and Clinton were earlier today in terms of pledged delegates - it was a matter of single digits). The second is seeing how the delegates from today's caucuses and primaries are split up. Right now, CNN is saying Clinton has 1085 delegates and Obama has 1009 (this includes the imprecise count of superdelegates which is only an estimate). That is without all of the 78 delegates from Washington State and the 66 delegates from Louisiana split up! (Obama gets 17 of Nebraskas; Clinton gets 7).

Now all this math has kind of messed with my brain over the last week or so. I remember listening to NPR between the Iowa caucus and New Hampshire primary and hearing one of their political analysts assure us that delegate counts have never really mattered and probably wouldn't matter this year. WRONG! This is an unprecedented year, as far as I know, in terms of uncertainty so late in the primaries. Guess what - delegates count this year. Hard to have missed that now... I'm giving myself a week to make a decision on who's delegate count seems the most accurate because honestly, the news network reporting the numbers influences what those number are until things are more settled in the states. As mentioned in a previous post and comments, we are still waiting for absentee ballots to be counted in many huge states like California, which could make a difference of a few delegates distributed on either side. So far I'm still liking NPR the best! They list superdelegates and pledged delegates in seperate columns before adding them up so we can see just how "firm" Clinton's lead is(n't).

As I look at the above, I am thinking to myself "wow, when did my blog posts get so boring and technical!" Probably around the time I got confused. I'm still trying to figure out who to believe and how much hope to have. One of the stories posted on NPR about 20 minutes ago (but no longer to be found) said Obama had won a "decisive" victory. I'm sorry, people, there is nothing decisive about the Democrats right now. Yes, Obama has caught up well with Clinton and has had decisive leads in three states today, but there is nothing decisive about an overall victory! We're going to have to wait probably until March at least for any decisiveness! Texas and Ohio, two of the "larger" states, get to have their say the first week in March, along with the half dozen of the "smaller" states with primaries and caucuses before March 4. I'm sure there are a lot of math people employed on all sides of the campaign and the media trying to figure out who needs what votes where. However, no one is telling me, that's for sure. I'm just as confused as I was 15 minutes ago when I started writing this post.

Well, I guess satisfaction and security must once again wait for another day (at least in terms of knowing Obama will be our next president).

For now I guess I'll celebrate the wins of today and look forward to having many more suspenseful moments to come in this election year!

Anticlimax anyone?

2008-02-06T00:21:00.000-06:00

I'm too tired to write much tonight after being hyped up all day for the primary returns tonight just to be greeted with basically a tie between Clinton and Obama. It will be interesting to see where the rest of the delegates fall tomorrow when all the votes are in. In any case, both candidates seem to be willing to stay in the race after today, meaning people in the later primaries will get a chance to have a say in the nominee (which I guess is good). I would prefer it if Obama had a clear lead though. As a friend told me tonight, though, it is encouraging to see how far Obama came in the past month despite the expectations so if he keeps up this pattern, he can easily win the nomination over Clinton.

As this nomination process is far from over, I would like to point out two pet peeves with American voters.

1. Just because Hillary Clinton is a woman does not mean that all women must vote for her! Just because she is woman does NOT mean she will do what is best for all American woman or even the women abroad caught in the middle of military conflicts! Yes, I would like to see a woman elected. However, I REALLY do not want to see Clinton elected because I believe it will backfire on the chance of women getting elected in the future.

2. Hundreds of thousands of people voted for candidates in both parties who have already WITHDRAWN from the race! If John Edwards says he no longer wants to run for president, VOTE FOR SOMEONE ELSE! In New York, for example, Edwards, Richardson, and Kucinich each got 1% of the vote. I understand people want to show their support to these candidates in some way but I believe it would be more productive to channel that energy into voting for a second choice so that at least the third choice won't get elected! I know this could mean more votes for either Obama OR Clinton but I don't care! I think it is irresponsible (in terms of our civic duty) to vote for someone who has pulled out of a race instead of making considered judgments about who would be the next best person to represent the party. This does not apply to the general elections when people vote for third party candidates. Although it annoys me that sometimes third party votes means my favored candidate does not get elected, at least the third party candidates (such as the Green Party and Independent candidates) are still running for president!!!

Do those objections make sense to you? What do YOU think about the above issues?

In a more positive note, I loved my voting experience today! The polling place workers were really cheerful and encouraging. They were even joking with voters they knew about coming back to vote in November, saying things like "I'll have you a steak here when you come back in November!" It was a nice feeling to be part of such a friendly neighborhood.

One last (maybe) reason to vote for OBAMA tomorrow...

2008-02-04T09:24:00.000-06:00

I have written before about my skepticism and dislike of political polls that can negatively affect the actual results, as seen with the New Hampshire Democratic 2008 primary. But after listening to Morning Edition today, I think I have a new appreciation for the fact that polls can report information instead of or in addition to speculation.

The poll that I want to point out for anyone out there who is still undivided about how to vote in tomorrow's primary (if you are one of the states with primaries tomorrow) deals with how Republican voters respond to Democrat candidates. The story is linked above for you. The results of one poll showed that out of Republican voters, Hillary Clinton has a 5% base and Barack Obama has 13% base. This is important for anyone who adamantly does not want another Republican in office. I'm sure these numbers are somewhat dependent on who is the Republican nominee. According to this story, I am not the only liberal out there who would rather vote for McCain if Clinton is the Democrat nominee... So I urge voters to look at these elections with a view towards the long term. We are not just picking who we think is the best speaker or who will "advance" women's rights (which some people think just electing a woman will do even if that woman is not the right person for president). Primaries are about picking the best candidate to run against the opposing side. We have no idea what can happen in the next few months but I think there is a lot to be learned from how people are feeling now.

So that's all I think I have to say before Super Tuesday but I may be back later.

I get to vote as an Illinois resident in less than 24 hours! Yay! This will also be my first election in an actual polling place since elections always happened while I was away in college!

A funny ad before a great new addicting game!

2008-02-02T22:27:00.000-06:00

So in my boredom today (exasperated by still being a little sick), I found the game Phit which is a stationary version of Tetris in many ways. You are given an assortment of block shapes and have to fit them together within a designated rectangle just as you fit Tetris pieces together as they fall. Besides the fact the pieces in this game are only moved by you, you cannot rotate the pieces which makes things harder. I love puzzles and this was definitely stimulating. Be warned that the first 10 or so levels can be insultingly easy but the difficulty gets harder as you go. Also there seem to be 100 levels which I like because I hate running out of levels!

One last thing about the game, I noticed that it is actually distributed by Armor Games, the same website that made the last addicting game I posted! Maybe there is a thing with Armor and cool puzzle games...

***UPDATE: Apparently not everyone is as lucky as me and able to see the "HI-larious" (in the words of Frances) Skittles commercial about the man who turns everything he touches into Skittles. Here is the YouTube link.

A commentary on the film Black Book***

2008-02-01T23:05:00.000-06:00

I watched the movie Black Book this evening and it got me to thinking about the rhetoric of war. This is Dutch film made in 2006 about a female spy with the Dutch Resistance during WWII. The most interesting part for me was in the English subtitles to the German dialogue. I wish I spoke German so I could be sure it was an accurate translation! In any case, the Nazis always referred to the Resistance as "terrorists." Although this movie is by no means supposed to be from a Nazi German point of view, it did make me think about how the "other side" often thinks the same thing about the "good guys" as we think about the "bad guys." Everyone thinks they are on the "right" side to some extent.

Even more interesting was one of the main German characters, Muntze, who was a high ranking Nazi official who was one of the most compassionate characters. I know it seems strange to think of "Nazi" and "compassionate" in the same sentence but Muntze (who I think is fictional but I'm not sure) spoke out against worthless executions of Resistance prisoners and actually tried to negotiate with the Resistance to stop killings on both sides (the movie takes place towards the end of the war from 1944-1945 so the smart Germans knew it was just a matter of time before they lost). Muntze was given a death sentence by higher ranking SS men under the accusation of "negotiating with terrorists." I do not think the writer's words were chosen lightly. It seems that every time I hear Bush or his posse speak about the war in Iraq, it is something about "we will not negotiate with terrorists." It is an "us" vs. "them" mentality. This does not condone the actions on either side of these wars - either the Nazis or Al Quaida. However, as I have ranted about in Religion Major terms before, more needs to be done to understand the other side in order to eventually negotiate peace. And I do think that peace in the Middle East needs to be a negotiation. Yes terrorism is horrible and by no means should be condoned. However, there are a lot of other people in the Middle East who are not terrorists who would REALLY like to live life without the fears of suicide bombers or civilian casualties of American and other international "peace-keeping" occupying militaries.

Black Book was a very well made and fascinating movie but I would caution you that it contains a lot of graphic nudity and violence, often at the same time. However, it is good sometimes to be reminded about what WAR is really like and how many lives are affected by even a few violent deaths. The performances were all amazing, especially the lead actress Carice van Houten, who played the Jewish protagonist Rachel Stein who goes undercover for the Resistance by becoming Muntze's lover. The only flaws in the plot were probably too many characters with not enough exposition to keep them straight. However, the main characters like Rachel Stein and Muntze were incredibly deep and they really humanized the brutal story in a way that made many of the outcomes heartbreaking. It is because of the strong performances and characters that I actually finished watching this long movie without even multi-tasking like I usually do! I sat and watched straight through and cried quite a few times. So if you like history and want to see a Dutch take on WWII, go out and rent Black Book.

***I do promise that I will post my already written review of Juno soon but since it is now one of my favorite movies, I want to edit it to make sure it does justice to the amazing movie.

A Frivolous Blog Post

2008-01-30T23:35:00.000-06:00

I decided this afternoon that it is time for a non-serious or ranting blog post. After talking to Eva tonight and saying some really random that out of context is hilarious, I decided that today would be a good time for a list of 10 random things I thought of or said today after which I thought "wow, I should put that on my blog." Actually some of the stuff was from yesterday but who cares.

So, without further ado...
The Top Ten Random and Original Thoughts of Emily (at least for today)

10. "A fit of apoplexy would be cool"

9. Going to the library can be overwhelming after not having been there for several weeks. I finally had to force myself to just pick books and go because making decisions was really difficult.

8. Our mail never comes before 5pm anymore which is extremely annoying.

7. I bought bed lifters the other day and "installed" them tonight. My bed was already really tall because the mattress is twice as think as some mattresses. However, there was not enough space between the bottom of the frame and the floor to fit most "under the bed" containers. After adding bed lifts, my bed now stands at a grand height of 3'.

6. Add the bed lifters has had the bonus effect of making my bed stationary finally! The wheels on my frame have never locked correctly so I am constantly leaning over between the bed and the wall to retrieve books, pillows, and animals that have fallen in the ever widening crack during the night. Now things like my blankets may actually stay on the bed since the wheels are now trapped in the bed lifters!

5. The main reason I needed bed lifters was to make space for my collection of yarn.

4. I have a lot of half-read non-fiction books on the shelf next to my bed. I should really start educating myself again so I can say I've actually finished those books.

3. Yesterday Chicago experienced a mini-apocalypse. Early in the day Eva came home and remarked that she loved all the snow that was predicted when outside it was a balmy day, kind of like a "New England spring day." Around 4pm while I was down at Belmont shopping, the temperature started dropping. I found out later that it dropped 30 degrees in 2 hours... Then it started raining which was icky since I wasn't home yet. It had already been windy but the gusts got up to 50-60 mph during the evening. Then the snow finally arrived. However, the wind was blowing so hard that large areas of ground had no snow accumulation because the wind was pushing it all into big heaps on the side of the parking lots or next to the buildings. Also, our apartment is a corner unit. Most of our windows (in the living room and Eva's bedroom) face west and my windows face south. The wind was blowing in such a perfect direction that it sounded like a tornado was coming for most of the afternoon until this morning some time. The weather person on the evening news even reported there was thunder in some areas of Chicago. Thunder snow. I've always joked about it and never thought it was real... Oh yeah, with wind chill it was around -30 degrees this morning... Luckily I didn't have to go out.

2. Whenever it is extremely windy, the arm on the parking lot thingy breaks off because it is made of cheap wood painted yellow. Yesterday was the 3rd or 4th time this has happened since we moved in. We thought they had just kept replacing it with another cheap wood thingy but as I was walking home from the library this evening, I noticed that it had been replaced again. However, it was about half the length it should have been so there is a good 5 feet between the pole where the chain blocks the entrance and the other side of the driveway. Eva and I had been wondering why they didn't just buy a more sturdy arm to save money. Now we know they have been saving money by reusing the same piece of wood that blows off every time it is windy and just dealing with the fact that it is only about 4' long now...

1. For some reason I bought a Strawberry Fanta at the 7-Eleven tonight. Still not sure why. I didn't even drink it all...

And there you have it! About a 10th of the crazy things I think about during the day because I am so bored and mostly unemployed! Hope some of it made you smile and/or laugh.

Got inspiration?

2008-01-28T22:22:00.000-06:00

I was going to post a review I wrote about the movie Juno earlier today but I got detoured back to what I should have posted about sooner - Barack Obama's victory speech in South Carolina, home of my mom! Of course, if I had written it sooner I would not have been able to include links to Caroline Kennedy's amazing NYTimes Op-Ed piece entitled "A President Like My Father" and Senator Ted Kennedy's wonderful endorsement this morning of Obama.

Today I had a big First in my life - I actually contributed money to a political campaign. I have always viewed it as a kind of sell out or false support because I would like campaigns to be more about the issues and not the money. However, Barack Obama has inspired me in many ways, including his radical ideals of campaign tactics and his deep honesty with his supporters. I couldn't give much because I don't have much right now. However, I feel like I contributed to making change in America.

I got an email today from the Barack Obama campaign (well, actually from Barack Obama because I believe he probably is involved with writing to his supporters). He wanted to emphasize something his campaign manager David Plouffe said in an earlier email. I have quoted it below:

"Here are a few details about our victory in South Carolina. According to the official results and CNN exit polls, Barack won:

55% of the total vote, more than twice as many votes as any other candidate
57% of voters who had never voted in a primary
66% of voters who had never voted before at all
Every type of community -- urban, suburban, and rural
58% of voters between ages 18 and 64
67% of voters between ages 18 and 29

The clear lesson from South Carolina is that voters are ready to bring this country together and solve the problems that matter to ordinary Americans.

This election isn't about race or gender, income level or education level.

It's about the past and the future." ~David Plouffe

I think it is time for optimism. Every day I grow more passionate about the ideals Barack Obama supports. It probably has something to do with the inspiring things he says EVERY DAY! He has also bravely resisted the negative campaigning of his competitors, even praising them in his speech on Saturday for being strong and secure in the Democratic party.

It will take you approximately half an hour to watch the speeches of Barack Obama and Ted Kennedy from the last few days. I will also include links below to the texts if you would rather read them. However, at least for Obama's speech, I highly recommend watching or listening to it because the power of the crowd and Obama's strength of character gave me chills throughout his 16 minute speech. In any case, PLEASE read what he has to say at least because it is time to be inspired again. I wasn't lucky enough to be around to hear JFK or Martin Luther King, Jr. Even my parents weren't around to hear Franklin Roosevelt speak about social change. Now my generation has a chance to be inspired by a politician in a way that no other candidate in my memory has been able to do.

Last year I had the honor of being a guest at the 2006 Northwestern University Commencement when Barack Obama was the commencement speaker. I get chills remember just being in the same football stadium as Obama. He was able to reach out to both the liberal graduates and the conservative graduates by addressing them all as agents of change, whatever kind of change they may believe in. Obama is the person who will be able to heal the divide of bipartisanship that gets nothing done!

Four years ago when Obama spoke at the Democratic National Convention, I was lying on the couch at my mom's apartment reading a book with the NPR broadcast of the DNC in the background. When Obama started speaking, I couldn't keep reading. I sat up and listened to the whole speech. I remember saying to mom afterwards, "He could be a great president someday." I hope that someday is really soon.

If any of you in the Chicago area want to join me in helping the campaign in this very important week leading up to Feb. 5, please let me know. I just signed up to help out at the Obama headquarters downtown this week and I hope to hear from them soon about when they need help.

The text of Obama's SC Victory Speech is found here.
The text of Ted Kennedy's speech and introductory remarks by Caroline Kennedy are found here. The text of Obama's reply is also included.
I also included a link above to Obama's DNC speech and to his NU commencement address.

So just take a little time to see what Obama has to say. You can even get podcasts from Obama's webpage! I've taken time to listen to Clinton and Edwards so I'm not making my decisions based only on Obama's charisma. I am basing my decisions based on his power and potential for the betterment of our country. So listen to some of the inspiration I've linked above while cooking dinner or brushing your teeth. It doesn't take a lot of time. Give the time you have to a worthy cause - our country.

Election 2008 NPR stories

2008-01-25T10:51:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all,
Sorry for the trend of two posts on one day then none for awhile. Oh well!

I listen to Morning Edition while at work and this morning I heard a story that really exemplifies why I don't like Hilary Clinton. This story in particular addresses the negative campaign strategies being used to defile Obama's past. As the commentators mentioned, negative comments often get modified or proven wrong, but the stories about redactions are hidden on "page 23." It is also noted that all the attacks on Obama are effectively distracting him from actively campaigning on his platform by instead making him defend himself for petty things like his high school drug use which he has freely admitted.

Also, in case you missed it, watch Obama delivering the David Letterman Top Ten List last night! I love a politician who can make fun of himself! I just know in Baracktober Obama will be the Democrat candidate for president! Hehehe. I just wanted to use the world Baraktober because it's funny...

P.S. I Love You

2008-01-25T08:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I finally went to see a movie! The last movie I saw was The Golden Compass over Christmas break and before that I don't remember the last time I saw something in the theaters. Lately I've been avoiding the movie theater because there are so many movies I want to see and I couldn't make up my mind. I was worried that I would pick something that didn't end up being too good and I didn't want to waste my money.

Well, as luck would have it, I saw a not so great movie, P.S. I Love You. However, I think a lot of my cynicism on the movie is based on the fact that I recently read the book. As often happens, the movie was nearly as good as the book and all of my favorite parts were either left out or changed.

The book P.S. I Love You was written by Cecilia Ahern at a relatively young age (21 years old I believe). As is many times the case, age did not matter much in the overall maturity and talent in this book. The setting is Ireland and the main trope is a woman dealing with the loss of her husband to brain cancer. Her husband left her with a "plan" of things to do each month to help her move on. Simple story but the true beauty was in the humor.

Unfortunately the movie seemed to drop all of the original humor and make up new story lines or change character details in a way that completely voided the remaining humor. I will concede that Gerard Butler did a fantastic job playing the always humorous, easy-going Gerry, the deceased husband. The casting of Hilary Swank as Holly was not as perfect. Maybe she was perfect for the uptight Holly in the rewritten story but she was not in the spirit of the book.

After reading the book I knew it was not likely that the movie could be anywhere close to heart-wrenching and hilarious as the book. There were "too many" characters for a two hour movie and way too many intricate details about their lives. One of the big losses, I felt, was in the story of Holly's (the protagonist) story. In the book, she has 3 brothers and a sister with both parents living in the same town in the house she grew up in. They're family dinners were something to both enjoy because of the family humor and dread because of the tension created by a diverse set of siblings. In the movie, Holly had only one sister and was abandoned by her father at the age of 14. Her mother was still bitter about this desertion and did not approve of Holly's amazing husband, Gerry. I was shocked at this huge alteration. Instead of the movie being a joyous celebration of life after the death of a loved one and the process of moving on, it became a drama about a woman who has been "abandoned" two times, once by her father and then by her husband dying at a young age. I'm sure I could write a whole other post about our culture's reluctance to show an actual happy family not broken by divorce or death. I'd like to believe it still exists!

The other major alteration that disturbed me was the addition of an Irish singer, William, who Holly and her friends meet on a trip to Ireland (planned by Gerry). Yes, Ireland, the original setting of the book which was discarded in favor of a trendy look at life in New York. In any case, William is found nowhere in the book. In the movie, however, it was necessary to add some sex, otherwise it would not qualify as a modern romantic drama (note the sarcasm and cynicism in this observation). Part of moving on, according to the movie, is having meaningless sex with a stranger in a foreign country mere months after the death of the love of your life. Talk about mixed messages! I am a lover of romantic comedies and I would have been just fine without this additional character! The time wasted on this relationship could have been better spent by including the exploits involved in Holly finding an administrative job she actually enjoys (in the movie she becomes a famous shoe designer) or looking at the intricate, real relationships in her family (before it was taken to the chopping block).

To sum up, there is something wrong with how Hollywood sees the genre of romantic comedies. I would rather watch a predictable romantic comedy with great characters and dialogue like Ever After or Sleepless in Seattle than watch what Hollywood deems appropriate in realism and contemporary values. Some changes need to be made in Chick Flicks before I waste my money on another one. I can't remember the last time a true romantic comedy was made that was just fun and sweet instead of melodramatic and raunchy. The closest I can think of is Waitress which is too much of an amazing FILM to be classified in the non-artsy category of romantic comedy.

So if you are looking for a movie to see this weekend, skip P.S. I Love You and try something a little more classy. Or better yet, go read a book, perhaps even P.S. I Love You.

Something funny. Hehehe!

2008-01-23T00:34:00.000-06:00

I was going to write one post about the 2008 Candidates and the funny thing that happened on retreat but the political part became so long I decided I should cut it up in case people chose not to read all of it. They would have missed the funny part :-)

As promised, here is something funny. This weekend I went on a retreat with the young adults from my new church. On Saturday night we had a "soiree" which did, of course, include wine and beer (Catholics like their alcohol). No one got drunk or anything like that but there was at least enough alcohol in people's systems to make the game "Social Security," from the 70s, a huge hit. I was sitting at the other end of the table playing Flux but it was hard to ignore the Social Security players. From what I gathered, this "cooperative" game consists of moving around a board that looks a little like the Life game board, picking up cards with some sort of subject or something, and then spinning the candy cane spinner that has a question (the candy cane was apparently a quick fix by the last person who owned the game). Then the person answers the question or talks about something. (Examples of these things are questions like "Is it okay for parents to spank their children? Is it okay for children to spank their parents?" or "Talk about your pet peeve")

How this game actually works luckily does not affect the funny story. After that big group moved on to play other games, a couple of us were talking about some of the questions. We got on the subject of whether or not parents should punish their children for swearing if the parents swear a lot around their children. The people I was talking to were of the opinion that it is never okay for children to swear so they should be punished. My answer and the ensuing reply was as follows:

Me: "Well, I'd say if the parents are swearing around the children, the children should be able to swear around the parents. Parents are supposed to be the example of how to behave so the children should not be punished for following their lead. In fact, children swearing at their parents would probably quickly teach the parents to be a little more circumspect and not swear so much."

pause

L: "Are you the youngest?"

Me: "Yes... How did you know?"

L: "Youngest children always make the most logical sounding arguments about things like this."

I found this very humorous and a little freaky at how well she pegged.

An interesting politics poll

2008-01-21T20:53:00.000-06:00

According to PollingPoint.com:

I agree with Clinton 44.44 % of the time.

I agree with Obama 88.88 % of the time.

I agree with Edwards 55.55 % of the time.

I agree with Huckabee 22.22 % of the time.

I agree with Romney 11.11 % of the time.

I agree with McCain 22.22 % of the time.

I agree with Thompson 11.11 % of the time.

I agree with Giuliani 22.22 % of the time.

This poll was obviously flawed because I think the only reason they said I agreed even 11.11% with Romney and Thompson is because I indicated that although I do not think the Supreme Court should ban abortion (although I do think abortion is wrong), I am fully against outlawing partial birth abortions. I also think I agree with Obama more like 99.99% of the time and Clinton a whole lot less. Other than the small sample of questions these numbers are taken from, the other flaw I see is what the questions are looking at. I have noticed after reading detailed plans on candidate websites that there are two ways of "agreeing" with candidates. One is agreeing with the overall goals such as ending the war in Iraq or outlawing abortion. This poll does not address what I find more important which is the methods the candidate will use to execute the ideals once in office. Although Obama has been accused of not having enough plans, his website demonstrates otherwise. If you go to BarackObama.com and read the articles under "Issues," it is clear that over numerous years and speeches Obama has outlined the way he wishes to operate in office and get things done. People also complain about his "lack of record" which is ludicrous since the 100s of bills he has supported, authored, or collaborated on during his years in the Illinois State Senate and the US Senate show otherwise. I'm more confident about Obama's plans being carried out than Clintons, thus the reason I agree with Obama more. I guess the poll does show that I like even Edwards more than Clinton which is accurate so maybe it's not as flawed as I think . I guess I find it really hard to believe that I don't agree with 21.22% of Obama's stuff.

Elections 2008 - Super Tuesday is approaching!

2008-01-09T22:11:00.000-06:00

As promised, here is a much anticipated (at least by me) post about voting and the 2008 Presidential Election!

I'm very excited about this election year because it is the first time in my life (and not just my voting years but even in high school when politics were discussed a lot) that I have truly believed in a candidate's power to make change for the better of our country. The candidates, at least on the Democratic side, have been exuding positive energy the excites voters and makes the voting something you want to do instead of voting just to vote against someone else (which is what I did in 2004). The only direct exception I can think of is some of Hillary's negative campaigning against Obama in Iowa but since that news uproar (the whole "he just wants power as shown by the fact he said he wanted to be president in kindergarten" debacle"), I haven't heard much more about major negative campaigns by the Democrats. The Republicans are apparently getting a little nasty in South Carolina but that is just another reason my support is with Obama, who has publicly criticized the use of negative campaign strategies (An email was sent to Obama supports asking for a show of support by reaching a goal of 10,000 donors within a certain timeline. This push for fundraising was used as an endorsement of Obama's commitment to shun the use of negative campaign strategies).

I have also noticed in the last several primaries that the leaders have been so close that only a few thousand or even a few hundred have made the difference between first and second place. This is a testament to how much a vote counts! A few thousand may seem like a huge disparity but when you take into account how many people live in each state and in this country, it is a small margin. Indeed, the New Hampshire primary outcome was completely unpredicted since a large number of people who may not have voted initially came out to show support for Hillary Clinton and John McCain. A lot of news analysts have credited McCain's victory to the large number of independents who may have decided to vote in the Republican primary to support McCain instead of the Democratic primary to support Obama, since the polls were predicting a landslide victory for Obama. There is no way to know exactly how much independent voters affected the outcome of these primaries but based on discussions with individuals and general political savvy, it likely made a difference.

That being said, Obama is also expected to win Illinois by a landslide, largely due to this being his "home" state. He is our senator so we know his values, positions, and integrity. However, I still plan on voting on February 5th because I would not be able to forgive myself for not voting if he should win by a smaller than expected margin or should come in second to another candidate. The media and polls influence too much in elections and it is our responsibility as citizens to receive the information provided by the media but to make the ultimate decision of who to vote for based on our own intellect and research. It is also important to vote for your candidate even if polls say he or she will win anyways. What would happen if 3000 other people who were going to vote for that person just decided on election day that it was too cold to walk to the polling place (speaking as a Chicagoan on a very cold day). As we have seen in the past caucuses and primaries, this year of all years it is important that nothing dissuades us from letting our voices be heard in those final numbers on election day.

I'm sure I will have more to say about elections this upcoming year but for now, I hope this is enough to inspire and encourage everyone who reads this to vote, no matter which candidate you support (it would be wrong for me to only tell Obama people to vote).

Let me know if you have any additional thoughts about these elections because I'm always willing to engage in discussions about politics as many of you know.

And last, but not least, I will give you one reason to vote for Obama (I feel a list coming at a later date...). You can get "free" Obama ringtones on his website (you may have to pay a few cents for the 30sec it takes to connect to the internet to download). Enough said.

Just a fluke...

2008-01-09T00:00:00.000-06:00

I had big plans to write a post about the privilege of voting today in honor of New Hampshire but I didn't get to it. Then the results came in and I was not in the mood for doing anything, including finishing my laundry.

So, I'm sure some of you might be interested in my response to Hillary's victory in New Hampshire. I was pretty disappointed but not entirely surprised. Eva and I were watching a news story titled "The Obama Factor" on CBS last night and they probably spent 75% of the time talking about Hillary's boost in her NH campaign. Because she lost in Iowa, despite having been a favorite in this campaign for months, Hillary stepped up her campaigning and influenced a lot of people at the last minute. I'll probably include something about last minute campaigning tomorrow as well... Obama still did amazing in New Hampshire which I think the media has been kind of ignoring this evening. He only had 6000 fewer votes than Hillary which is not a lot in the scheme of the country. In addition, if NPR's cool interactive election map is correct, Obama and Hillary actually won the same number of delegates for the National Convention. In addition, only 22 delegates were at stack in NH while Iowa has 45 delegates. I'm not trying to completely discount Hillary's win since it is impressive that she received the most votes. The bottom line, however, is that Obama is still ahead in terms of number of delegates.

The other factor that I haven't really heard being considered is that after the next couple of small primaries, there will be more than one happening at a time and it will be impossible for the individual candidates to travel to the states in question and directly influence the voters as was done in Iowa and NH. The media will still be a source of "information" but I think a lot of Hillary's victory is due to some of her powerful speeches and press conferences in the last few days.

I started writing a lot more but then I realized I was segueing into the post I want to write tomorrow about voting in general. I guess we'll just treat this as a two-part post! I'd love to hear any comments any of you might have on this exciting election year so please feel free to post comments! Plus it makes me feel loved when people comment ;-)

So far I've found NPR the easiest site to navigate for primary and caucus results. I don't have cable so I can't watch all the live coverage on CNN etc. NPR has both stories and the raw numbers on their website so check out the link above. They have also designed the state by state results pages to have other major races such as governor, Congress, and Senate races when those happen.
The final word: Obama doesn't need to bounce back because he's doing a great job pushing ahead. One small loss won't necessarily mess up the whole nomination. I hope...

this is not right...

2008-01-07T23:11:00.000-06:00

Okay, this is going to be a short two-part post. Promise.

We had thunderstorms all evening. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. We had THUNDER and LIGHTENING in the middle of JANUARY in CHICAGO! Apparently our high temp of 60 today broke a record that was over 100 years old. And we had thunderstorms. Lots of pretty lightening too, of course, but I just couldn't get into it since it is supposed to be wretchedly cold right now and snowing. Just so you know, it did basically go from 0 degrees to 60 degrees in about three days. That old saying "0-60" doesn't seem so odd now...

Part 2: This is completely unrelated but I just thought I'd share my new internet addiction for the week (or day I suppose since I posted the game last...) It is online radio at it's best - Pandora.com. If you are not familiar with this site, here's how it works. You type in the name of a song or an artist and the magic website makes you a whole radio station based on that song or artist, matching similar styles etc. So while I was at work today, I felt like listening to some music but didn't have any CDs with me. Eva had told me about Pandora so I logged on, typed in Tori Amos, and just started listening. They always play a song by the artist first so you can tell the computer whether or not you like that song (as a representation of the artist). After that, the computer just picks other related songs and you are given the chance to either give each song a thumbs-up or thumbs-down, further refining your "station." You can also add more information for the computer to work off of by giving more songs or artists. I did this by adding Joshua Radin, Loreena McKinnett, Indigo Girls, and Coldplay. Of all the songs that played, there were only 2 or 3 that I didn't like. You aren't required to rate the songs but I made sure to mark the ones I didn't like so the computer would know my preferences.

It is like having someone make you a really awesome continuous mix tape with a lot of people you've never heard of.

So if you feel like turning on the radio to listen to music, try the computer instead. The internet site is free but you can subscribe in order to stream music on cell phones and other wireless devices.

Have fun! I'm off to bed, hoping the thunder doesn't wake me up later...

Really cool game

2008-01-05T12:12:00.000-06:00

I found this puzzle game yesterday on addictinggames.com. It is very fun and very thought inducing! I thought I'd share it with people who might appreciate it as much as me.

No Angel

2008-01-04T17:52:00.001-06:00

I'm currently listening to a very interesting audio book called No Angel by Penny Vincenzi. I had passed it over several times before finally checking it out a couple weeks ago. (Note: I've been listening to a lot of books lately because I can crochet while I listen or it passes the time when I'm on the bus or train. I also love being read to so it helps me fall asleep at night, no matter what the story.) It usually does not take me three weeks to finish an audio book because of how often I will just put the headphones on and go for a walk to the bank or sit in my room and just listen. However, I didn't have any time to listen while I was visiting Frances and Jonathan in Baltimore so I got very behind. (They wore me out so much I'd fall asleep after about 30 seconds of the story. I finally gave up.)

No Angel is set in the decades after the turn of this century, around 1904-the 20s (I'm not quite sure when it ends as I am still listening). It is a self professed saga, probably similar to the Forsyte Saga. I incidentally listened to another saga from this period by Barbara Taylor Bradford that was quite interesting a couple weeks ago as well. There are 23 CDs this time (compared to my usual book length of 10-12 CDs) because the book spans so many decades and so many characters. Penny Vincenzi writes fascinating and real characters. It might tell you something about how rich her characters are if I tell you about how I wanted to throw the CD player across the room yesterday because one of them was being so idiotic and I cried when another died during WWI. This is the kind of book that could never be made into a decent movie but it has a life of it's own in one's imagination.

The other startlingly fresh aspect of the book is the author's own voice within the narrative. Although I'm sure the reader adds to the affect, Vincenzi often speaks to the audience in asides and long parenthetical musings, for lack of a better phrase. (Note: I will warn anyone who is thinking about reading this book that there are lots of immoral things in the book such as adultery and sex outside of marriage. However, none of it is gratuitous or unnecessary to the story.) The main character, Celia, is most likely the "Angel" referred to in the title. The story revolves around her life and how her choices affect the people around her as well as herself. She does not behave perfectly and recognizes many mistakes and missed chances. This is where Vincenzi's delightful voices enters in. On example of her brilliant omniscient narration is on the subject of a character's adulterous affair. Vincenzi practically spells out the "stages" of adultery, giving a great deal of insight into how the characters may be feeling and how it often progresses in the same fashion throughout generations. Because of this omniscient insight into what people may think or feel at various stages of an affair, the reader/listener is able to look at the situation and understand the motivations. This is not to say adultery (in this example) is in anyway condoned. When I wanted to throw the CD player across the room, it was actually because I could recognize the serious mistakes made by the adulterous character(s) that still did not outweigh the understanding provided by the author. I hope all that makes sense.

The other distinct voice is found in the reminiscent quality in some moments. There are times when Celia will make a strong decision to do or not do something and the narration jumps to the future and says something like "Many years later Celia would look back on that one moment and wonder what would have happened if..." It is both a view into the character's thoughts but this technique also points out the fact that everything that is happening within the telling of the story has already happened. Celia looks back on her choices instead constantly looking ahead (in the narration) to the consequences. Again, I hope I am making that clear enough. I find it hard sometime to fully express the attachments I create with books, especially novels.

It is interesting that I am writing all this praise now because when I had just started out with this story I contemplated commenting on Goodreads (add me as a friend, btw!) that the narration was way too choppy and confusing. This is because Vincenzi is constant jumping to various characters next to the one she was just speaking through or even jumping to a completely new set of characters across oceans, for example. When she does this, there is no exposition at first - the new section usually starts with dialogue rather than explanation. Therefore, when listening to the story it is sometimes hard to know when there is a break in the text that signals a shifting of focus. However, this has become an amazing feature to me now.

There are so many characters that I do not like any of them to be neglected too long, especially if the particular part of the story at the time involves them a great deal. There are some sections that are probably only a paragraph long, featuring perhaps a couple gossiping about something that has just been described through the eyes of the one being gossiped about. Sometimes major decisions will be visited in flashback so when the dialogue of that section begins, you have no idea what actually happened between the last time you saw the character and this time. The switching can also be very humorous when, for example, one character has just found out she is pregnant and the narration jumps to an entirely new character who is screaming in pain when giving birth. It's all about the juxtaposition.

I suppose that is enough of this book review for now, since it is quite long and I'm not even done with the book! I just wanted to write something because I got barely any sleep last night so I'm extremely tired. I need to keep myself awake until bedtime so I don't mess up my sleep schedule even more.

Have a good weekend!

OBAMA!

2008-01-03T21:27:00.000-06:00

YAY! Obama wins Iowa! Yay!!!!

Go here for the story.

I'm excited. It is a good start to 2008.

Not at all a boring Thursday night...

2008-01-03T20:05:00.001-06:00

I've been having a slow week trying to settle back in after my wonderful vacation. I'm currently sitting at my newly organized/clean desk watching a BBC version of Tom Jones. It is very interesting because I have heard of the play in passing but had no idea what the story was about or when it takes place. It's a pretty funny story as well, with lots of mishaps and barely missed chances.

In other news, we are having yet another plumbing problem. What a surprise. For clarification, I love my apartment for many reasons and after the bed bug incidents/month, nothing emotionally terrifying has happened. It is just the small stuff that I suppose is normal to anyone renting in a high-rise apartment building in a city.

In any case, the latest plumbing issue is in a whole new room! The bathroom! Hooray, variety. After taking a shower today, I was unable to turn off the hot water completely. I went downstairs to tell the building manager that we needed a plumber but apparently the building manager was on her way out for the day, even though it was only 4:15pm and the office is supposed to be open until 5pm. I told her that the HOT water wouldn't turn off and she replied "oh, so it's a leak. I'll send maintenance up tomorrow."

Well, the good news is that hot water is included in the rent and therefore we won't be responsible for the hours and hours of "leaking" hot water wasted tonight. It is not just an obnoxious drip either! It is a steady dribbling stream of water. The bad news is that it is a complete waste of water and goes against all the other conservation efforts in our apartment. Eva and I are very good about turning off lights when we're not in the room, not running the water excessively, using the water saver option on the dishwasher, using energy saving lightbulbs, and so on. And yet we are wasting gallons of hot water tonight because the building supervisor decided to go home early instead of arranging for maintenance to see to the problem tonight.

Two more bits of randomness to go:

Eva came home in between her day job and her stage management job to find a nice big freezer box from her mom, containing various meats and chocolate cake. The unexpected surprise, however, was the packet of dry ice. Eva came into my room to ask if I had any need of dry ice. I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head... So Eva decided to play with it in the bathroom sink. Hehehe. It was really cool to melt some of it with the running water and watch the steamy substance (I think Eva said it was carbon dioxide) roll over the sides of the sink. Eva assures me it wouldn't kill me or set off any alarms, as long as I didn't spend a long time in the bathroom with the door closed... She did say that if I started turning red and had trouble breathing I should stick my head out the window or something... Before Eva left she decided to put the leaky faucet to good use and put the rest of the dry ice in the bath tub. I haven't looked in on it lately but I think it has mostly dissipated now. Luckily the heat has gone from being to low to way to high so windows are cracked in every room (even though the outside temp is in the low 20s during the day). It is, as Frances said, "natural air conditioning." One must resort to such measures when dealing with building controlled heat.

Last bit of excitement for the evening is the Iowa caucuses. NPR has a very nice chart of the caucus returns and I reload it every couple minutes in anxious anticipation. When I first checked I was distressed to see that Edwards was ahead in the Democrats' caucuses. However, that was only with 17% reporting. Now, less than an hour later, Obama is ahead with 36% of the votes at 681 votes, followed by Edwards at 572 votes and 30% of the votes. Clinton is trailing in third with 30% and 568 votes. This is at around 8:39pm CST with 80% of caucuses reporting. I've been learning a lot lately about the caucus process and the Democrats basically use a kind of Electoral college system while the Republicans use a popular vote style. (Go to Wikipedia for a good explanation or check out the stories at NPR) I'm very excited the Obama is getting a larger lead because earlier it was neck to neck with the top three seperated by only a dozen or so votes, each taking around a third of the votes. With 20% still not reporting, however, I'm afraid there may be a final turn around but I can always hope.

So from the above paragraph, you can probably tell two things: I am an Obama supporter and I don't care much about the Republican results. I've been listening to NPR stories about both parties but since I would much rather have Obama win over anyone, I don't have much of a preference yet about who he should run against. At the moment, though, Huckabee has a strong lead with 34% of the votes but only 65% of precincts reporting.

Well, I must return now to my movie since I am extremely lost in regards to what is happening in Tom Jones. I only know that Tom is in jail and just found out he accidently slept with his mother. While meanwhile, the heroine Sophie is bawling her eyes out because of some letter Tom wrote just to get another woman off his back. Yep, I'm lost...

Happy January 3rd to you all!

home at last!

2007-12-29T20:23:00.000-06:00

So I haven't been home for even 24 hours yet but it has been an interesting 24 hours. Actually, that is over-exaggerating a lot. What happened was I got home after midnight last night because my plane was a half hour late arriving (although we left on time...) and because of the snow in Chicago earlier in the day, the baggage handlers were at least a half hour behind on getting the bags out. I had to wait an hour. As soon as I heard someone nearby say they had been waiting for 45 min for their bag, I just left the big stiffling hot crush around the three SouthWest baggage claims and sat down to read for a half hour. When my flight was finally posted, my bags didn't come out until after my flight was removed from the list at the baggage claim. Strange? Not really. Just extremely unorganized.

So I got home after midnight, slept some, when to Evanston for an appointment this morning, and came home and slept. So really it wasn't that interesting.

However, I started off my post by saying it was interesting because I wanted to mention the funny and annoying thing that happened to me while eating dinner. I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating my dinner, minding my own business, when my chair just breaks. I wasn't moving around on it or sitting strangely or anything. It just broke. One of the legs came completely off and I tumbled to the floor. Luckily all I have to show for it is some bruises and a slight head ache. The chair, however, is not going to make it.

I just felt like writing about this so you could also have the comedy movie image of someone silently eating dinner and then having the chair break in a comical, unexpected way. I think this made up for how uneventful the rest of my day has been :-)

snow. again!

2007-12-28T12:41:00.000-06:00

Just to prove Mom right, I just wanted to let y'all know that Chicago is supposed to get 3-5 inches of snow today, the day I am flying back to Chicago from Balitmore. Yay!

Actually, I haven't checked this morning to see if the forecast has changed. Hold on...

Okay, it's actually down to 2-4 inches as of 1:44pm EST.

That is probably a good thing for me since I'll be flying this evening. My flight luckily leaves Baltimore after the snow is supposed to taper off in Chicago. I'll keep you updated because checking the weather every hour is FUN!

Ode to Snow

2007-12-15T22:22:00.000-06:00

When strange things happen or I see something beautiful or a philosophical idea pops into my head, I think "I should put that in my blog." I even have my roommate saying "you should write a blog post about that" at times. My favorite so far was the quote "Yes, I know my pants are on inside out." There is a perfectly logical story behind that quote but it would not be nearly as interesting.

My latest idea for a blog post is "Five Things I Hate About Snow." I've been really into writing lists lately, as you can tell by my last few posts. When I tell people I love Chicago and Chicago winters, aka the snow, they always say "Well just wait a few years and I bet you'll start getting sick of it." I would like to reiterate, however, that I do not have a fondness for the extreme temperatures but I love the snow.

But in order to appease those who might think I will someday tire of snow, here are five things I don't like about snow. Enjoy.

5. It is wet and when one is not wearing proper clothes like boots, a hat or hood, and gloves, it can get uncomfortable.
4. Sometimes it collects on your glasses and you can't see. Also, steaming is more common on the lenses when it snows, probably because of the increase in moisture. Duh.
3. It melts and makes big puddles in the gutter near crosswalks.
2. Yellow snow makes me gag.
1. ...

I couldn't even think of five things and pretty much all of the above are not the snow's fault. Nope, they are more about human interaction with snow. Or canine interaction.

THUS I will instead write...

the Top Ten Things I Like About Snow

10. It is completely unpredictable! This week, "light snow showers" were called for almost every night and as far as I could tell, it did not snow. However, last night the forecast for Chicago was again "snow showers," with projected accumulation of less than 1". Earlier this afternoon, when it started snowing and it didn't look very "light," I checked again and the forecast was up to 4". Tonight, there are already 5" in the Chicago area and 3-5" more expected. I'm expecting to wake up tomorrow with snow up to my fifth floor windows....
9. It's really pretty! Especially after dark when the pretty Christmas decorations are on outside my building.
8. See puppies and babies discover snow for the first time is indescribably cute. Trust me. Last week when we had another big snow storm, Eva and I saw this couple go outside all bundled up with their little girl, probably about 1 years old, and then commence to take a lot of pictures. We're pretty sure they weren't going anywhere - they just wanted to introduce their kid to snow!
7. Without snow you would not have "snow pajama parties." These are spontaneous moments of insanity in which you and your roommate decide to go outside and look at the snow but are too lazy to actually put on real clothes and real shoes. Instead, you go "frolicking" in the snow outside your apartment building in pajamas and slip-on shoes or flip-flops. Not kidding folks, you should try it!
6. If in the right mood and with the right snow, snow balls and snow people can be made!
5. Even with the slightest bit of snow, it is inevitable that someone will try to make a snow person out of it, especially if this person is a college student from California or Florida (see also Northwestern students.)
4. There is a snow club. My brother-in-law calls me when it snows in Baltimore. He is a member of the Elite Snow Lovers Associate. ESLA. I just made that up but there is a sort of unity among those of us who resist the peer pressure surrounding us, trying to make us complain about snow. My brother-in-law probably had no idea he was in this club but now I guess the secret is out.
3. If it is snowing, it must not be too cold since it never snows when the temperature is below around 15 degrees. Sunny skies in Chicago during the winter mean single digit temps with extreme wind chills.
2. Everything gets really quiet when it snows. Because of my Southern experiences with snow, I figured it was just because no one goes anywhere because they are terrified to drive. In Chicago, people do not have this fear so there are still plenty of cars out on the main roads. However, no matter what time of day it is, if it is snowing there is a peaceful stillness that seems to engulf everything around you. A friend of mine who grew up around here said that the snow actually muffles some of the sound, which I can completely believe.
1. Snow reminds me to smile. It reminds me to slow down and contemplate the beauty in life. Nature has always been a sacred thing to me: the beauty of nature shows the beauty of God. Snow has a spiritual aspect which makes me remember that not everything in life is so bad. Everything looks pretty when it is snowing.

So as you can see, my list of five things I dislike about snow will probably never be complete. I'm pretty biased in favor of snow! I know my list above got a little sentimental towards the end but I can't help it - IT'S SNOWING!

Top Ten Reasons to Clean One's Room

2007-12-02T14:35:00.000-06:00

10. The long underwear is somewhere under there...
9. Getting to the bed has become a safety hazard
8. There is nowhere to put dirty clothes because the clean clothes are still in the laundry basket.
7. The Law of Emily's Room has gone into effect - if you need it, it will instantly go missing.
6. It is no longer possible to say "it may look messy but I know exactly where everything is!"
5. The apartment has heat radiating flooring so something buried on the floor might melt.
4. If room continues on current messy track, it may be necessary to breakdown and buy an iron!
3. I know I had some spare change somewhere...
2. Because it would make Mom proud!

and the #1 Reason to Clean One's Room:
1. You lie awake at night thinking "I really need to clean my room. I think I'll procrastinate and write a blog post about the reasons I need to clean my room. Hmmm.... sounds like a plan!"

snow!

2007-11-01T00:50:00.000-05:00

Since every time I come back after a long absence I try to say I'll be back for good, I'm not going to promise anything. The truth is, I haven't felt like sharing a lot of what has been going on this fall with anyone. I have where needed and now I am feeling a lot better. It was just a stressful fall, trying to get into this "real world" thing and succeed. I'm finally working at a part-time job that can actually pay bills so things are looking up.

The reason I chose today to start blogging again was that in the past few days, things have happened or I've observed things that I really wanted to share with everyone but feel kind of silly just blurting out in a conversation. Plus, I can talk to more people at once this way...

Yesterday was a momentous day. It is the day I wait for every year here in Chicago (okay, not my 1st year but that's because I was still ignorant to the beauty of weather.com). It was the day "snow" first appeared on the 10-day forecast. I admit it may have been there another time but since I have weather.com as a homepage and check it at least once daily, I think it was yesterday. I immediately started screaming for Eva to come into the living room and here the good news. She gave me a weird look. If I had been her, I would have reached over, patted my head, and said "I think it's time for you to go to bed..." Instead she let me be happy in my moment of sheer bliss at the 10-day forecast.

The snow had barely made it on the forecast and even so, it was "scattered snow showers." I use the past tense because when I checked this morning, it was back to just rain. The first sign of snow on the forecast has absolutely no bearing on the actual coming of snow in the near future. It is merely a reminder for snow fanatics like me that it snows in Chicago and eventually it will come, much to many people's dismay but to my extreme bliss.

So I wasn't suprised it was already off the list this morning (It had been forecast for next Thursday, Nov.8). However, I was happy to see snow was back this evening! It is now being forecast as Rain/Snow Showers for Friday, Nov. 9. Translated this means it might rain and be really cold at the same time. Some people may get some actual snow but it isn't likely. Temperatures are predicted to be too high...

After a post like this, I'm sure my family is wondering why I didn't go into meterology like I wanted to when I was younger. I think maybe the science of weather may have taken away some of my awe and excitement about the unpredictability of weather. Yes, I get my kicks from looking at predictions but that in now way means I believe them. It is like reading a film review but knowing that whatever the critic says is not something you will agree with since you are of different opinions. Weather.com is like that for me. For over four years I have been using it as my lifeline and guide, which means I have been disappointed numerous times. However, I have also learned to take everything with a grain of salt, since things like rain on at a time when the "current weather" for the area is sunny with no clouds. (Yes, it happens).

Snow makes me happy. I look forward to my new view from my bedroom and living room, watching the snow coat the roofs of all the buildings around us. I can't wait to see how the skyline that you can see out of my window looks when the snow is gently falling. It brings out the poet in me.

So if you want to join the fun of the game of actual weather vs. predicted weather, you can click on the link above to follow along with my 10-day forcast or enter your own zipcode and try. Of course, for my California readers, it will probably be more interesting to follow my zip code since there is not a lot of weather in CA.

So hope this post makes you smile as much as me. I'm looking forward to having somewhere to again try to document my search for "an enlightened state of confusion." I'll have to tell you about my explorations into yoga and the great room rearrangement of Halloween day....

no b b**!

2007-09-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

I have been absent from my online home on this blog for the past two weeks or so because of the small insects that invaded my new home upon our moving in. However, I am back in my apartment now, have unpacked most of my books, AND it is midnight with no bed bugs in sight!! I hope I'm not jinxing it but I think the fumigation actually worked!

Off to sleep in my nice new bed (don't worry - the mattresses are protected from bugs, allergens, water, hail storms, hurricanes, and extreme distress)!

10 things I like about living in Chicago

2007-08-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

Today I was on my way to work and observed something interesting which I have now forgotten. However, I had a decent day (not hard in comparison to the rest of the week...) and thought of a few other random things I like. Coming up with 10 will be an interesting exercise in positive thinking.

1. Michigan Avenue "characters." I went down to the "Mag Mile" today to find some home furnishing sales and instead observed some interesting people on the streets. My favorite was the tourist (you can just tell who they are...) with the purple metallic ballet slipper style shoes, still sporting the price tag sticker on the bottom. There were also a few ladies in really outrageous dresses (think neon animal print dresses and high heels) and I couldn't tell if they were drag queens or just more tourists...They were carrying Saks Fifth Ave bags so it was hard to tell... The six foot tall lady in four inch heels in H&M was pretty funny too.

2. Going to Michigan Ave to shop for a few essential items now only takes 15-20 minute, the same amount of time it would take to drive to the mall in Charlotte! Instead it is a major shopping STREET instead of just a piddly little mall...

3. I can go to H&M, an outrageous fashion store from Sweden, and buy the most plan black long sleeve shirt possible and still be really happy (work clothes, you know...). People go to H&M to look fashionable. I go to H&M to get a nice shirt to wear to work that lacks embellishment, low necklines, and short sleeves...

4. There are lots of theaters.

5. The people on the El. Yesterday as I was riding home, a middle-aged woman sat down across the train from me with two purses - one a normal leather purse and the other canvas hippy type purse with a beautiful lotus flower patch/pattern on the front. I was instantly intrigued so I watched her a little while listening to my ipod. While we were stopped behind another train at one point, she closed her eyes and I realized she was probably the calmest, most serene person I had seen in a really long time. Due to her apparent inner peace and the presence of the lotus flower on her bag, i almost asked her if she is a regular yoga practitioner. However, I decided this might make her self-conscious and I would much rather make up a story for her in my head.

6. There is an African-American/African diaspora theater group and I am their ASM! Congo Square Theatre is amazing and after only two or so weeks of rehearsal, I am highly impressed by the dedication the company members show to this specific group of theater literature. As always I am a little saddened that there has to be a group like this to fill the void found in other Chicago theaters but the work is so impressive, it does not bother me too much. Even if the other major theaters showed more dedication to producing works that showcase diversity, having Congo Square would still be an important asset to the community!

7. It snows here. Obviously I am not basing this item on recent incidents like the previous numbers, but snow is so important to my love for Chicago, I can't really leave it out.

8. A lot of NU grads stay here. Thus, I have a lot of amazing friends here!

9. It is a really fun place for OTHER people to visit and therefore I get a lot of visitors! Since I may not always be enough of a draw for people to come visit Chicago, the zoo, museums, culture, etc do a lot for my social life. I also get people visiting who are actually in Chicago for other purposes such as business trips, college visits, and conferences.

10. Wrigley Field and the Cubs. Need I say more? In case I do, let me say that I love the fact that I can see the lights and upper seats of Wrigley Field from my bedroom window. My roommate is currently sitting on the other side of this huge mound of boxes watching the Cubs away game on one of the few set up items in our apartment. Since I ride the El to work now, and live North of the Wrigley Field stop, I am often crowded on the train with copious amounts of Cubs fans, turning the major colors on the El from dull silver to brilliant red and blue! Of course I usually have to stand up more when there are Cubs games but the excited spirit of the fans makes up for a lot of that.

Well, I am feeling much more cheerful now that I have written this! Only a few of the things were things I thought of throughout today but all of them are things I think about at least once a week (yes, even snow).

guess what. It's not funny anymore...

2007-08-24T23:08:00.000-05:00

I am having a bad couple of days. I am tired of having bad days. It is a miracle I could even connect to the internet tonight to write this blog post!

Let me start at the "beginning." I am very happy to say I have now moved into my new Chicago apartment where I will be living for at least the next year. The move went well, no one got injured, and I've set up the kitchen already. Now for the bad news - we were not alone when we moved in. After we had hauled everything from the sublet to the truck then from the truck to the new apartment, we noticed we had some friendly visitors - small bugs about an eighth of an inch long, shaped like tear drops and very flat... This was not pleasant. Luckily there were not a great many of them and so far they had done no harm... However, Eva decided, wisely, that it would be a good idea to contact the exterminators who presumably had come through and done stuff less than a week prior to our move-in!! We obviously weren't around but there was a nice memo under the door informing us that they were expected to come to our floor on the 15th...

In any case, Eva got us an appointment with the bug guys on Thursday, as in yesterday as in the day from hell...or purgatory - not sure which would be more appropriate...I do feel like I am doing penance for something...

ANYWAYS, let me tell you about yesterday. The badness started early on my way to work. I take public transportation to the theater, consisting of a short train ride followed by a short bus ride. Usually there is not much lag between the two since both routes run very often... The bus I take is supposed to arrive every 5 to 8 minutes. I waited at the bus stop for half an hour. By the time the bus arrived, I was supposed to be at work. It is extremely embaressing as a stage manager to be late, especially to the theater... Luckily I'm only an assistant stage manager this time so it is not QUITE as bad (other than my need to make a good impression...) I could have caught a cab or something sooner but when you are waiting for the bus, the main thought you have is "oh, it will be here any second. As soon as I hail a cab and spend my paycheck, the bus will arrive..."

So its noon (the time I'm supposed to be at work) and I finally get on a bus. It was very crowded since no bus had come by for the past half hour... Halfway to my final destination, THE BUS BREAKS DOWN!! Luckily, by this point I am half a mile away from the theater. The bus driver tells us to go get on the bus behind us and I decide it would be much better to walk. The bus was almost full and all those people were going to get on another mostly full bus. Sound like a good idea to you? I walk the rest of the way in the scorching humidity, very embaressed and very late. I did manage to make it before rehearsal started but that was still 25 minutes late for me.

Rehearsal goes pretty well. I have been a little bored this week since we have been doing artistic-y stuff. Since I don't have to take down blocking changes, there is not a lot for me to do except to make note of the small changes in props. I got out a few minutes early and was ecstatic at the thought of getting to Evanston for a very important meeting EARLY so I could actually EAT A MEAL! I decided to get the Purple Express from Chicago Ave, since my theater is on Chicago and it is the closest El stop. Now it is important to note that in the middle of rehearsal, the sky turned black and the heavens broke loose for a couple hours. The rain had stopped by the end, however, and it was looking to be a smooth trip. WRONG!! I wait on the El platform for the EXPRESS for HALF AN HOUR!! By this time I am wondering if I will be able to make it to Evanston at all! Eva has called to see I was okay at this point since she knew I was going to Evanston and she heard there was a severe storm headed that way. Right about at that moment I looked out over the River North area to the west (the Chicago Ave El stop has a beautiful unobstructed view of that direction) and I saw the black clouds rolling in... It became a race against time, since I was standing on an uncovered El track next to some metal poles and had yet to see a Purple train... Just when I am about to give up, my train arrives. Howeever, even with the express it is doubtful I can make it to my appointment. Then the sky opens up.

Now you may have heard about these "little" storms we had yesterday, the ones with the flooding, high winds, dangerous lightening, hail, etc? At that point I realized that if I got to Evanston I would a) be soaking wet and b) probably not make it home because of probable power outages or other bad karmic things that were due to happen to me based on the rest of my day... My goal became making it back to my cozy apartment. This required switching to the Red line, since the Purple bypasses my stop entirely... I got off at one of the transfer spots (still elevated) and run under the useless "roof." The wind picked up right at that moment, pushing all the rain I was trying to avoid onto my back and chilling me to the bone. After about 10 minutes of this, my train finally arrives and I board with a bunch of fellow sponges, soaked despite coats, shelter, and umbrellas. When I got off at my stop, there was no point in avoiding the rain. Turns out the flooding had started too! At the bottom of the stairs in the El station, there was at least and inch or two of water throughout. I put an extra plastic bag around my laptop (luckily my backpack is VERY waterproof it turns out...) and decided to just trudge home because there was no telling how long the storm would last. I called Eva and had her take some towels to the front door and turn of the A/C.

Cross the street in flipflops was extremely difficult since there was ankle deep water. I saw a bus coming that would take me a few blocks closer to home and hopped on, since at least I couldn't get struck by lightening on a bus... Did I mention the thunder and lightening? I'm sure it was stupid for me to try to walk home but I was so wet and cold, all I could think of was getting home. The bus dropped me off a few blocks from the apartment and I managed to make it back okay. On those last few blocks, I just kept praying to God to just let me get to the front door safely. I have not been that scared of weather in a really long time but there was certainly more water than rainwater running down my cheeks by the time I made it upstairs. Eva had towels and a bathrobe waiting and I was soon cuddled up in my papasan chair covered in towels and blankets (don't worry, I took of the wet stuff at the door), eating black bean chili prepared (from a can) by Eva. She is already a wonderful roommate!

So you may remember that this post started out with talk of small flat bugs in our apartment. You may be wondering, "what happened to Emily's story-telling ability! She forgot to finish telling us about the bugs! What happened when the exterminator visited???" Don't worry, the end is in sight...

After I had warmed up, I timidly asked Eva what had happened when the bug people came by...Well, at least the bugs were not baby roaches, as first suspected. No, they are SO much BETTER (sarcasm sarcasm). Turns out we have bed bugs. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, those little mythical creatures parents warn you about when you go to sleep ("sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite"). Since we didn't have them in the old place and since this apartment has been empty and clean for several weeks, we think we pickedup the bugs on the UHaul. BEWARE! Spray it down before you start loading! Luckily for us we both use air mattresses so they don't have a bed to nest in. However, Eva calmly warned me to shake out my sheets since they had crawled in between her sheets... She is not going to put the sheets back on her bed until the exterminator comes back to spray. I checked my sheets and didn't find any, thank God! My bedding was in a more air tight container for the move which probably helped a lot. However, I keep checking every few hours when I am home and I definately woke up several times in the night, worried about the creepy crawly things. In addition, I have felt like bugs are crawling all over me since we moved in here, even though there is no evidence of bugs actually on my body. No bites and no bugs.

We got a memo this morning about how to prepare for the spraying. We have to put everything we have two feet away from all walls, including closets, so they can spray. We have to wash all linens in hot water and vacuum the apartment. Then we have to get lost for 4-6hours after they spray and later come home to vacuum AGAIN. I wouldn't mind this much if we got to get it over with soon. But no, we are not scheduled until WEDNESDAY! Almost a whole week from now! Frances will be here too, which is probably a bigger blessing than expected since we will have to move everything we own away from their nice new homes on the walls and then attempt to put everything back.

So it's not funny anymore. At first bed bugs seemed like a joke, a funny misfortune. No more. I am sitting in the living room with my computer connected to the cable modem we finally have (the router is in the mail so we don't have wireless yet). I am sitting on a hard wooden kitchen chair with my feet propped up on a mini-fridge, looking at trunks and copious numbers of book boxes piled in the middle of the room. I was hoping to get those boxes unpacked and/or stored so we could actually set up the kitchen table and have a walking path to the A/C and TV. However, since the boxes are in the middle of the room now and will have to be in the middle of the room on Wednesday, what's the point???

It is nice to get this LONG story out of my system. Hopefully my horrible 24 hours+ will keep you amused (don't worry, I won't mind). If I wasn't in this situation, I would probably find it funny myself. Next week after we are allowed back in our apartment, I'm sure I will look back at this first week in my new home as a humorous anecdote to be told at cocktail parties (well, maybe not the bug part...).

Well, it is time to go get laundry and my computer battery is running low. Hopefully I can make it out of this little corner and get to the front door. We can always hope...

Eat, Pray, Love, and other things...

2007-08-18T22:29:00.000-05:00

Sorry its been so long since my last update! I've been working days so I haven't felt like going out to use the internet at my favorite coffee shops lately. However, I will soon be moving into my new apartment and will finally have internet! Hooray! I have done pretty well without it at my fingertips the last month or two but it will be nice to have a little more freedom about when and where I get my internet business done. Also, since I am working on a show now, it is much easier to keep track of what is going on if I can check my email every night. Otherwise I might show up to rehearsal an hour early, which came very close to happening for tomorrow!

Now that the small talk is over, let's talk about books. I am currently reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, recommended to me by my sister. (Btw, if you want to keep track of what I'm reading even more, go sign up with Goodreads.com!! It is quite fun and very addictive). It is not what I expected but I couldn't really tell you what it was I did expect... In any case, I love it so far and highly recommend it to anyone but especially my female friends. The book is a first person account of the author's year of travels after going through a terrible divorce and other heartbreak.

I've only finished the first third (in which she travels to Italy in pursuit of pleasure, mostly in the form of Italian food...) but there is so much I can already connect between myself and Ms. Gilbert. Reading Eat, Pray, Love is like having a conversation with a really good friends. Ms. Gilbert writes in a friendly, natural style that is no more formal than a good round of girl gossip. However, she is also capable of eloquent passages examining her spirituality, depression, and the quest for contentment.

I find it interesting that I have connected so much with what she says and who she is, even though I have had a completely different life so far. I am not much liker her personality-wise and I have never been a lover of travel. However, her writing about dealing with depression, for example, is universal. I've always dreamed of becoming a writer but have never been able to find my niche in the writing world. I know what you may be thinking - I'm writing this right now and I am not usually at loss for words on this blog. I have also been called a "good writer" by professors and mentors, but strictly in the academic setting of term papers and short articles. When I say I've dreamed about being a writer, I mean the writer of books that live on people's shelves immortally. Eat, Pray, Love has made me start thinking about it again because the writing style is so natural it makes me feel I could do it as well. Maybe I'll eventually rack up enough funny experiences to make a meaningful book like Elizabeth Gilbert. In the meantime, I'll just keep living and blogging, and writing emails - all in the pursuit of the experiences that will be worthy of my dream book someday

Work

2007-08-08T22:34:00.000-05:00

I've returned home from Baltimore, after a week filled with laughter, fun, good food, and love. I continued to have a lot of fun with the little fish, even after he was moved to a cooler spot away from the counter. In any case, I wished I could stay longer or be closer to my sister and brother-in-law but I just love Chicago too much. In addition, I have all my work connections in this area so it would be silly to walk away now. Later I'll have enough experience to go anywhere I want (hopefully)!

I started my new job this week with a theater company downtown. We were supposed to start rehearsing on Tuesday but due to some delays in casting and the arrival of the playwright, we are starting rehearsals tomorrow instead. I honestly don't know how we could have been ready to start Tuesday! The SM and I have been working all day the past three days on paperwork, supplies, first rehearsal packets, etc. I'm already learning a great deal from her which is exactly what I wanted! It has been a long time since I have been an ASM (assistant stage manager for those of you unfamiliar with the abbreviations) so it is an adjustment. I'm used to deciding how to format and complete my paperwork instead of deferring to someone else about preferences. This is not to say I don't have any input into how I do things, I just have to make sure it is done well for both of us. Its funny since I'm usually on the other end of this relationship - telling someone else how I want things done (although I haven't had an ASM for awhile and the last one I had came in the middle of the process). I think it is a good experience for me to step back and learn some more because there many new ways of doing things that I think I'll steal...

I'm sore and extremely tired at the moment, due to physical therapy followed by a long day of work (12ish to 8ish with no long break). However, I am feeling more content than I have in a few months (other than last week in Baltimore where I felt more like myself than I have before the accident). I think that people who say that everyone should enjoy working are crazy. So are the people who don't understand people who love their work. I had two months with no job and no school and I was miserable! I can't imagine living in a different era as a society wife who's only duty would be to visit other high society wives and go to balls etc. Sure, throughout history women have had to toil alongside their husbands but I have to say I am very happy about Women's Lib. It is really nice to be able to just work! It's not for everyone or at least everyone doesn't place as much value on it, but I hope I don't have such a long period of no jobs again. It has nothing to do with making money, as those of you who I have talked to about SMing should know. It is more to do with being challenged every day and meeting wonderful new people. I have chosen a career where the people I work with change every 2 or 3 months - something else a lot of people would not enjoy. I, however, find it invigorating and fun!

All this is to say that I think people should be content with their preferences about working. I know people who go to work every day just to support themselves or a family and are content in jobs that may not be a passion. I know other people who fill time with volunteer work or other activities. Then there are people like me who are not truly happy unless working 40+ hours a week. People in all of these catagories judge the ones in other catagories (or even themselves) - that is what I am rejecting. There is no equation for happiness or contentment - it is more a matter of discovering where it come from for yourself - personnally.

Okay, this post has ended up sounding like an excerpt from "Chicken Soup for the Soul" but I kind of let these things just come out of me. Sorry! I am still having troubles related to the accident and I'm not happy all the time, I just happen to be more happy with the direction my life is headed now that I am back in the theater.

Rats, Fish, Crabs, and Snails OH MY!

2007-08-01T00:31:00.001-05:00

I'm going to steal from a comment on one of my brother's posts about his rats to tell you about my sister's killer fishy named BLUE. (I thought Captain Norton or some other sadistic name would have been more fun but the names had been chosen... In any case, Joseph and Lorian's rats are very fun and are the center of many hilarious photos and amusing tales of grandeur, bravery, stupidity, and laziness. Well, the Jonathan/Frances FISH has entered the picture...

(For those of you who don't know, Fran and Jonathan have a small salt water fish tank at the end of the penisula in thier kitchen/living area. It is inhabited by Blue, the Damsel Fish (who happens to be male), Red the Hermit Crab, and two unnamed snails who like eating scum. Some people find the later three creatures more entertaining but I beg to differ!

Although the idea that their new fish is anywhere near as fun as the ratties by seem far fetched, this feisty new fish, Blue, tried to attack me today! I was just mostly minding my own business at the counter, chatting with Frances, and I looked to the left at Blue in his tank and he swam vicisiouly fast towards the side of the tank, directly at me - FIGHT MODE. He doesn't swim into the nose of danger like that for any small reason. This fish is a "shy" of strangers, I discovered. Of course he failed to do any damage to anything other than his nose (which probably hit the glass side of the tank) since I don't live in his tank but it was quite a scary moment for both of us. Later we had a little game of "chicken" with Frances' sewing scissors.... They remained outside the tank but let's just say Blue is a little jumpy... I'd say I won that one. I would have gone on but Frances finally yelled "STOP TORMENTING OUR POOR FISH!," this poor fish that tried very hard to attack me, even if it would have been impossible... Blue is my new best friend now and I think it is cute that he has an earlier bedtime than me...

Fishy stories. Yum.

Another Take on the issue..

2007-07-26T17:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I was doing more research today about what people think of Philip Pullman's books which I think should be more controversial than they actually are. The link above is to a Talk of the Nation segment on NPR. I found it interesting because the commentator was an adult when she read the books yet claims she read them as someone going back to adolescence. Even more interesting is that she focuses on one of the non-religious aspects of the book. Reading or listening to this segment would tell me nothing about the theological aspects to the story and perhaps it is just a sign I was reading too much into the books. However, daemons (in the books) are fascinating and innovated but are not the focus of the action and motivation of the characters. Many of the characters are motivated more with eradicating the Church or killing God (excuse me - "The Authority"). So yeah, daemons are cool, but does that balance the other problems I found with the books?

Now as much as I have been discussing my dislikes of the books, I want to make it clear that I in no way wish for these books to be banned. First Amendment rights are too important and I feel access to diverse ideas is important to being a fully educated, wise individual. However, I am shocked that these books seem to be accepted so readily by Christians and others, without much discussion about the theological ramifications of what is being suggested by Pullman.

Probably more on this to come... Pullman is apparently very anti-C.S. Lewis for odd and unfounded reasons so I want to investigate that some more...

I don't get it!

2007-07-25T22:18:00.000-05:00

First of all, we'll just pretend that I've been better about keeping up this blogging thing and that there have been invisible posts the last few weeks...

I just finished reading the third book of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series, The Amber Spyglass. It was really really good. I don't get it though. It was like watching one of those fascinating artsy movies that ends and you just think "Wow. Something just happened. I wonder what it was." As a religion major, these books were a treasure trove of religious allusion and theology but in the end, I don't quite get it. I don't want to give anything away but the message I took away from the third book especially was "live in the present moment." This is a very Buddhist way of thinking and it is something I have been working on for years, probably my whole life. However, Pullman approached this idea in such a Marxist way that it was hard for me to fully process.

The problem is because of my own religious and spiritual beliefs - I believe in God and happen to be part of the Church that is viciously attacked and negatively portrayed throughout the trilogy. I have no trouble saying that the Catholic Church has been corrupt at times throughout history but I still have very strong theological connections to my religion, no matter what corruption has occured in the past. Pullman focuses on Lyra's world when it comes to the corrupt Church so it may be that I am reading too much into the story. However, focusing on the Church (implied Catholic Church, since it involves the classic hierarchy led by men) in a "different" world allows Pullman to leave out the diversity of religions that affect our present day world. Where were the Protestants in the discussion of the "Authority" and the "Kingdom of Heaven." What would the Buddhist have to say, since their theology doesn't involve an ultimate Creator or all-powerful God? These were things I couldn't help thinking while reading all three books. I have studied the history and theology of the five major world religions in the past four years and it is hard for me to read these books without simultaneously studying Pullman's theology. It is fiction so I'm not saying that Pullman believes in Dust and all of the other things in the book, however, there are theories of religion, spirituality, and theology in these books, undeniably.

Another reason I am having trouble "understanding" or even processing finishing this series is that there are so many loose ends left untied. I like books that leave the future to the imagination but I find it distracting when an author introduces what seems to be a major plot point and then never resolves it. It's hard to explain so I'll try without being so specific to give things away. Even if you've only read the first book, it is clear there are biblical allusions to the Creation story, specifically Adam and Eve. In the third book, there is talk about the "serpent" figure in the world of the story. However, I don't quite know what happened to that very important character! Maybe I was reading too fast because I want to get to reading Harry Potter but I was deeply involved in reading The Amber Spyglass so I don't know how I missed it. There is talk of Original Sin, fallen angels, heaven and hell, and much more but temptation theme seemed to be forgotten by the end. I'll go back and re-read some of it just to make sure but it is certainly my biggest question about the conclusion. If anyone has ideas about what happened, let me know!

All this being said, I highly recommend these books. However, I hope that people do not read them as a metaphor for the truth because it would be too easy to start hating the Church and all devote believers. In addition, don't forget the shadings of Marxism throughout... It is surprising to me that I didn't hear more of an outcry against these books when they came out - maybe I just missed it? I remember Harry Potter being banned from schools because of its ideas of witchcraft but never did I hear about Pullman's books being forces of evil that claim that God is a finite being who has let corruption rule the world(s), not to mention the denial that God or "the Authority" had anything to do with creation... Thinking cynically, I guess it could be because Catholics are the obvious target so the conservative Protestants who fight to ban books would not be as upset as they would about other books. However, that is a mean, prejudiced thought so I do not entertain the idea seriously. I did do some internet research and there is evidence of this book being criticized by conservatives and possibly being banned. However, several book reviews and articles point out that the Harry Potter are more controversial in this aspect because of the claim that they are spreading the practice of sorcery to our children. I'm not even going to touch that one in this post...

In any case, I did come across a FASCINATING review of His Dark Materials that discusses a lot of the same things that concerned me, mainly the all-out attack on Christianity and organized religion. I highly recommend reading what James Bow, the author of this review had to say. I've linked the third part of his review since it mentions book banning but there are links at the top to two previous parts that are also highly fascinating. Clicking on the title of this post will take you to that page (hopefully).

Well, its been a long day and a longer post. I'll come reread the above later and make sure I didn't say anything too horrible but I don't like editing my thoughts on books and art because usually the first thing that comes out is the most honest reaction. I plan on reading some more reviews of Pullman's writing as well as some interviews with him. He apparently is a pretty outspoken aethiest so it shouldn't be hard!

coffee shop hopping

2007-07-09T21:35:00.001-05:00

It has obviously been hard for me to update this blog every day, due to the lack of internet access for me at my apartment. However, it has been kind of fun hopping from one free wireless place to another. So far I've only been to one place twice.

Right now I'm at a rather busy coffee shop on open mic night (not by choice). It is the only place I could think of that would be open after 8pm for awhile in Evanston during the summer. Most places have shortened hours during the summer because of the fact that half the population (students) is gone for vacation.

Right now there is a really cute little red head singing a great gospel song with her father on guitar. She is probably about 8 or 9 years old and was very good!

Now the highschoolers are taking over. They are probably either local kids or, more likely, participants in the NU summer programs. In any case, it is getting a bit crowded...

Well, sorry for the somewhat boring post. Just trying to post something...

Alcoholic Pasta and Fireworks

2007-07-05T14:54:00.000-05:00

After such a depressing string of posts, I figure it is time for some accounts of the really fun stuff that has been happening. Things have been getting better since I finished all the graduation stuff and moving but it is easy to just write about the annoying things instead of being entertaining.

So let me tell you about my 4th of July AFTER I wrote the blog post yesterday. After leaving the bookstore where I was using the internet, I went grocery shopping because I had mentioned to my roommate Eva that I going to stay home for the holiday and cook dinner. It had taken me a long time to decide what to cook (because it has been quite awhile since I've had time to do so!) but I finally settled on "You Won't Be Single for Long Vodka-Cream Pasta," a favorite recipe of Frances and Jonathan that I have enjoyed many times at their house. When I called to ask for the recipe, Frances and Jonathan were at a friends BBQ so Frances tried to remember the recipe off the top of her head. Well, it was almost correct but luckily I found the Rachel Ray book with the original recipe at the bookstore and sneakily typed it up on my computer while I was seemingly just using the internet.

Since I had typed the recipe up on my computer, I didn't have it handy to reference at the store. I should have written down the ingredients before hand because inevitably, stuff got forgotten. Two grocery stores later (in addition to the tea shop I started at, the bookstore where I found out about Beth, and several miles of walking between all these places), I got home. By this time it was already late for normal dinner time but Eva had waited so I powered through and started dinner.

The first thing I realized when I started cooking was that I had forgotten to buy the fresh basil that is essential to the recipe. I decided to substitute dry basil this time because I could not face walking anywhere else. The second thing I realized was that it was a really stupid idea to buy a bottle of vodka for this recipe, even though it was on sale, because Eva pointed out later that there are about four different bottles of vodka in the cabinets that I could have used (although I don't think the fruity flavored ones would have worked well). As a result, we now have an inordinate amount of vodka in the house and I don't really drink at the moment. The third thing I realized was that with my plans to make the pasta, corn-on-the-cob, and garlic bread, I was going to have to use all four burners, four pots/pans, and the oven. I tried very hard to not let any of this discourage me.

I started cooking. So far so good - water on its way to boiling, lots of garlic minced up for the bread and sauce, bread cut - not so difficult. I started the corn, prepped the bread, started the pasta water, and nervously began the great vodka-cream pasta sauce. Now it is important to understand that I copied the recipe from the cookbook word for word. However, Rachel Ray has a funny way with words - she doesn't like pressuring the inexperienced cook into measuring things perfectly or staying glued to the timer. I tried very hard to "stick to the recipe" in terms of the order she did things but I had some delays. I had accidently picked up the canned roma tomatoes next to the canned crushed tomatoes at Whole Foods and consequently "crushed" them myself in the blender. Somehow my pasta was already cooked at a point in the sauce recipe BEFORE the direction "simmer until pasta is cooked through." Apparently I was supposed to time them off each other??? So I added the vodka (and tried not to be too particular about the measurement, a la Rachel Ray), and had to guess when it was done simmering. In the meantime, everything else was finished nicely and I got things ready at the table. At an arbitrary time, I tried to taste the sauce to see if it was ready but it was too hot so I just decided it was probably done and I added the pasta.

Eva came out, we served up, and tasted what was supposed to be my masterpiece 4th of July meal, for which I had spent all day planning and shopping. Well. As you may have guessed by the title of this post, the vodka-cream pasta was still a little "strong"... It was very "vodka-y." I went and turned on the stove again to try to cook out some more of the alcohol which probably made the pasta way over cooked but the sauce is probably now less "potent." In addition, Rachel Ray had suggested serving this dish with a good bottle of Chianti so I decided to go all the way and got the wine as well. If you don't understand how much alcohol was probably left in that pasta sauce, let me put it to you this way - Eva remarked that "if you drink a sip of the wine first and then eat the pasta, it doesn't really taste like alcohol anymore....but after a few bites it wears off and you have to drink the wine again..." It was still a tasty meal over all but not quite the same outcome of this recipe when prepared by the fabulous Jonathan and Frances. Maybe the taste was off because of the dried basil. Maybe there weren't enough crushed tomatoes. Or maybe I just put in a little too much vodka. We'll never know but I'm still nicknaming the dish "alcoholic pasta." Eva and I were a little "happy" by the end of the meal but as I pointed out, there was not TOO much vodka in it to begin with - at most we each had half a shot??

After dinner we cleaned up which didn't end up being as horrible as I thought, even though I had to use four pots and pans, multiple bowls, the cutting board, the blender, etc. By the time we finished, it was nearing 9pm and the Evanston fireworks were scheduled to start at 9:15pm. After awhile we started hearing distant booms but when we looked out our third floor window, there were no fireworks in sight. We just figured they were behind the trees and said "oh well, no big deal!" However, half an hour later, I started hearing louder fireworks and looked behind me out the window to see an amazing array of fireworks just above the trees! Apparently the fireworks we heard earlier were from another suburb or something and the Evanston ones started late. The show went on for almost 45 minutes and we could see most of through and over the trees. The best part were these new kind of fireworks (at least we're pretty sure they're new) that do the normal burst but then all the little sparks start moving in seemingly random directions like fireflies or maybe pool balls when you hit them really hard and the bounce all over the place. Eva and I don't remember ever seeing those before so watching them even with an obscured view paid off in the end.

So my day got a lot better, as you can see, even though the shock of Beth's death was with me throughout. However, she was the kind of person who would have gotten a really good laugh out of the alcoholic pasta and other antics. Overall, it turned out to be a good day.

Sad news...

2007-07-04T17:26:00.000-05:00

I was going to write a long post but I'm no longer in the mood. I don't have internet at my new place for complicated reasons so I'm sitting at Barnes and Noble on the computer, finally downloading my email from the last several days. Although I can check my email on my roommates computer, I somehow missed an important email from Sheil. A recent graduate (class of '05 I think) was killed in a freak accident during a bike race on Saturday. She was the Chair of the Steering Council at Sheil the first year I was a member. I remember her really well because of her friendly, cheerful attitude towards life. We hadn't kept in touch or anything but hearing about her death was still a hard blow, especially the gruesome and unexpected nature. I've included a link to the article about her death. I wish I had been at Sheil last week when she came by to say hello because I always enjoyed talking with her when she came back to visit. It was hard to look at her facebook profile because the last two status reports were as follows (these are little phrases a facebook user updates herself): June 28th - "Beth is alive" and June 29th - "Beth is ready to return on Sunday a STATE CHAMPION." In any case, she is alive in our memories and she will be missed.

Sorry for such a dreary post on July 4th but I can't really concentrate on other things at the moment. I'll be back in a day or two with some more fun updates.

my back hurts...

2007-06-30T23:56:00.000-05:00

Almost done moving! It is amazing how many things hide until the last minute when moving. Anyways, I must have disobeyed the lifting rules at some point today because it has been non-stop back pain. I'll be happy when I'm all moved and can go through my stuff, find the ten million books I should probably get rid of, and finally get on with finding a job!

I'll also be really happy when I can write actually interesting stuff on my blog again. I was reminiscing about my old posts ranting about movies and books and politics. There is so much to catch up on!

Other exciting thing I did today was buy the new Sister Hazel CD, Bam Vol. 1! I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet but I hear it is better than their last CD which I found mediocre. This one just looks extremely fun - the band members are depicted on the cover as comic book super heroes and they even have superhero bios inside! Even the song titles look awesome. I'll let you know how it is tomorrow. I love Sister Hazel. They need to come to Chicago more often, especially since I might actually be able to go see them now...

Anyways, good night!

Some pictures

2007-06-29T21:34:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! I don't know how to change my profile picture without posting it first so here are a few pictures from graduation. Or one from graduation and maybe some others. We'll see... In any case, here is a happy picture of me. I am wearing the earrings my brother-in-law gave me for Christmas which say "imagine" and "peace." I thought it was a good way to graduate.

And just cause it's fun, this a picture of me (on the left, obviously) with my big brother! It is one of my favorite pictures of all times. It looks like I was thinking "wow the ground is a long way down. My legs are really short. I think my brother is laughing at me..."

That's all for now. I don't have the graduation pictures or other on my computer yet. There is a link to Jonathan's complete roster of pictures (taken by Frances) in one of the comments below. I can't remember it and I'm too lazy to go look... Have fun!

TEN POUNDS!!

2007-06-28T11:32:00.000-05:00

Just got home from physical therapy. I worked with the TEN POUND ball today, practicing lifting and stuff! I can lift 10 lbs!!!! My PT also gave me some 5lb weights for other exercises!!! YAY!

If you have no idea why there are so many exclamation points in this post, just ignore it and move on...

Job Update and BOOK reviews/brain dump

2007-06-27T23:58:00.000-05:00

No, I don't have a job yet but at least I finished the next round of applications!!! I sent off three cover letters/resumes to theaters and applied for another job at a large health-food store chain. Hopefully I will get some good responses! I also have an application for a bookstore to turn in tomorrow and apparently this store is hiring everyone who walks in the door (but this is just a rumor.)

IN OTHER NEWS, I have had a lot of time to read lately. I just finished To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis and have started on The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. Connie Willis is a genius, by the way. I read her book Passages over Christmas break and it was completely different yet equally as wonderful as To Say Nothing of the Dog. If you want to read (science) fiction unlike anything else you've ever read, read something by Connie Willis. TSNoftheD was hard to get into at first - this was my second try - but it is a great book to read if you are not trying to do university level courses at the same time. I think that was the reason for my initial failure. This time, I was able to commit to the time travel concepts and even figured out some of the mystery before the end!

I've discovered I really love authors who are able to completely create a new version of a world we know and lead the reader into that world completely. I also just read The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova which also takes the modern world we live in and add a fantasy twist (this time with Dracula) and make it seem freakishly familiar. The Golden Compass also exists in a possible future of the world as we know it. A lot of fantasy and science fiction take the reader to a whole new world such as Middle Earth or outer space. I love those stories as well but there is something special about authors who take our world and make it into something more. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell is another good example - Susanna Clarke takes a Dickens era England and adds magic which is accepted by the characters of the world and thus the reader. Good authors are some of the most powerful people in the world - they are capable of helping readers envision a different version of the world and completely escape and believe in it. I love reading. Hopefully I'll still be able to read as much when I get a job. I can always hope!

Jobs

2007-06-26T23:24:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been getting pretty frustrated trying to find work. I applied to 4 or 5 theaters this spring that I thought would be pretty promising. However, there are a lot of other good stage managers out there and I did not get any of those jobs. Actually, one of the major theaters in Chicago interviewed me for an apprenticeship and managed to make me feel entirely too overqualified for the job which was kind of funny. I would have taken it anyways. One of my SM friends also was interviewed and got the same vibe. I guess we'll just have to go work for theaters who actually appreciate us being overqualified...

In any case, it has been hard for me to even apply for more jobs after those rejections because school got more insane and I've been really busy. Now that I have successfully finished both my majors (which means I don't have to finish the last paper for my last incomplete), it is still hard for me to apply for jobs because I'm completely tired of writing cover letters!!! Luckily I have a successful SM friend (CG) who has been encouraging me a lot in these past few weeks. She even gives my name to people who offer her jobs that she can't take. This sort of forces me to be more active in my applications because my name is already out there! Hooray! It's one thing to have a mentor from the theater department but it is another thing to have the support of a close friend who is actually competing for a lot of the same jobs, most of the time!

The other obstacle in finding a stage management job is the lack of good pay. There are dozens of reputable theaters in Chicago but not a lot of them have money. Stage managers get paid more often than actors in the smaller theaters but it is still not enough to live on. However, if you can't get a job in one of the larger theaters, you just have to work in the trenches for next to nothing until you can move up to better theaters with more pay. As a result, I am also trying to find a second job that will pay the rent, etc. So far I have applied at bookstores, temp agencies, non-profit offices, and many more, but I still don't have a job. I am probably just being impatient but it seems like everyone around me has at least something to do. I have no schedule other than my physical therapy appointments.

I went to the bookstore today and read some resources on resumes, cover letters, and jobs for people with college degrees. I got some good ideas about how to fix my resume and refine my letters but by the time I got home, I was too tired to actually apply that new knowledge. Somehow I can write a long blog post but have trouble facing cover letters. I think the pressure of writing the perfect letter is making it difficult to get moving because I really want to work for most of the places I'm applying! Hopefully something will come through soon and I can stop my seemingly endless search and writing of cover letters. Hopefully.

***Note: In case it sounds like I"m writing each letter from scratch, don't worry, I'm not. I just have so many different kind of jobs I'm applying for that I have to revise for each. For example, a stage manager cover letter is going to look very different from a cover letter for an office assistant job at an architecture firm. That is where the time-consuming part comes into play

Moving. Ugh.

2007-06-23T21:14:00.000-05:00

Is it too late to go back to school to study something really lucrative so I can just buy a house and live there forever? I hate moving and I have to do it again in two months because I'm only subletting this summer. Luckily Mom is here to put up with me and do all the heavy lifting.

OH! Big news! I am allowed to lift NINE POUNDS now! This is the most I've been able to lift since the accident. We're trying to get me back up to lifting 40-60 lbs like before the accident three months ago. Nine pounds is better than none!

Since I am moving, this is all I have energy to write tonight. Sorry!

quick note

2007-06-20T22:54:00.000-05:00

Does graduation always feel this anticlimactic? I mean, I felt like I partied all weekend with my family but since I'm still working on papers and haven't even received my diploma, it doesn't necessarily feel like I'm graduated. I guess technically I'm not done at Northwestern but I do have enough done for my primary major so I could just stop working now. However, I refuse to be one paper away from my religion major because that would just be stupid, especially since if I go to graduate school it will most likely be for religion, not theater.

I wrote a paper for one of my other classes recently about religion in politics. It was a lot like writing an extended blog post for me. It needs a little editing but I'm planning on posting it here soon because I want to see what other people think of the ideas I propose. If I go to graduate school, this small paper might become the basis for a dissertation! Who know!

Back at last

2007-06-20T00:15:00.000-05:00

So it's officially been over a year since my last post. Since most of you reading now are probably my family, I won't go into all the details of what has happened to making blogging difficult, such as the mutilated (now healed) right pointer finger, many stage managing jobs, and car accidents which cause lots of pain and discomfort and STRESS. To those who didn't know why I suddenly stopped blogging or in other ways disappeared, see the previous sentence for a brief overview. I am guessing that mutilated finger may be as much information as you need. (If you want a picture, though, I'd be happy to provide it. It's kind of cool?)

So I'm now officially a Northwestern Alumni! I currently only have a BA in Theatre but because of special dispensation by the dean of my school, I have until the end of June to finish two incomplete courses in religion that will finish up that major. In the end, I will have a BA in Theatre and Religion hopefully! The reason I have incompletes is mainly because of the bad car accident I was in on March 10th. I'll probably start writing about some of my experiences from that because it has definitely changed my life, probably in some good ways along with the bad.

The worst result of the accident was my loss of physical strength and ability. In the two months before the accident, I was finally back at full working condition, which for me includes being able to lift quite a lot of weight since I worked in a theater scene shop building sets. I was doing things like welding for several hours at a time and moving large set pieces for my show without aggregating my early back injury from 2005-06. Also, my finger had healed fully so I could take notes in class without being in pain, which greatly helps my academic achievement... Then the accident happened the weekend before Winter Finals and it was on the way to the opening day of the show I was working on with SGT. I don't want to go into details again but basically I suffered a concussion of some sort (although no bleeding in the brain), injuries to the hip and knee which healed the fastest, whiplash, back injury of some sort, and bicep tendonitis in my right shoulder where the seatbelt was holding me in the car (which was upside down, fyi). I guess that is enough detail to explain why three months later I still cannot really lift anything without hurting myself. It's extremely distressing, especially since I essentially had to quit my much loved job at the scene shop. My jobs have always been fairly physical, especially since starting to work professionally in the theater industry. A lot of theater jobs even require things like being able to lift 50-60 lbs.

My family and friends have been great about helping me out with moving things, letting me rest, and generally showing a lot of understanding to my frustration about my physical limitations. However, there are times when I'm alone when I really want to get things done but cannot physically accomplish them. For example, before my family came for graduation, I really wanted to move a bunch of stuff into the hall closet in order to make more room in the common area. It was too much for me to do so I had to ask my family to essentially "clean-up" for me when they arrived. My physical therapy is going well - I can use 3 lb weights for some of my exercises! - but I can't help wondering sometimes if these injuries are going to be semi-permanent. What if I can't hold my future children, nieces, or nephews because it will cause to much back pain? What if I can't get the jobs I really want just because someone made a huge mistake one morning and caused the horrible accident I was in?

I guess I'll just have to be patient for now. I can't help being frustrated for being weaker than I used to be but I try to remember what my mother told me a couple months ago. I'm paraphrasing but she said, essentially, "don't feel weak when you can't lift something - feel strong that you are following doctor's orders which will help you get better in the long run." I should get that tattooed on my body somewhere to remind me but hopefully it won't be needed in a few months...

Well, its time for me to go to bed but now that I'm back to blogging (especially since I"m officially graduated and unemployed), I hope to write about my graduation and post some pictures soon.

Thanks to all my friends, family, advisors, and strangers on the street who have offered me support in the last few months. And if you happen to be that fireman who helped me after the wreck, or the EMT who came to check on me in the ER, let me know...

2006-04-04T23:51:00.000-05:00

Here are some dictionary definations from www.dictionary.com that relate to recent events and frustrations in my life. Take what you'd like from them. And fyi, they are not necessarily all related to the same thought/event.

dis·ease (d-zz)n.
A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.
A condition or tendency, as of society, regarded as abnormal and harmful.
Obsolete. Lack of ease; trouble.

disorder
n 1: condition in which there is a disturbance of normal functioning; "the doctor prescribed some medicine for the disorder"; "everyone gets stomach upsets from time to time" [syn: upset] 2. an abnormal physical or mental condition

pas·sion (pshn)n.
A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.
Ardent love.
The object of such love or desire.
Boundless enthusiasm

An abandoned display of emotion, especially of anger

passion
n 1: strong feeling or emotion [syn: passionateness] 2: intense passion or emotion [syn: heat, warmth] 3: something that is desired intensely; "his rage for fame destroyed him" [syn: rage] 4: an irrational but irresistible motive for a belief or action [syn: mania, cacoethes] 5: a feeling of strong sexual desire 6: any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love" or "he has a passion for cock fighting"; [syn: love] 7: the suffering of Jesus at the crucifixion [syn: Passion, Passion of Christ]

anger
n 1: a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance [syn: choler, ire] 2: the state of being angry [syn: angriness] 3: belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong (personified as one of the deadly sins) [syn: wrath, ire, ira] v 1: make angry; "The news angered him" 2: become angry; "He angers easily"

stress (strs)n.

A physical or psychological stimulus that can produce mental tension or physiological reactions that may lead to illness

2a : a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation b : a state of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium

Phrasal Verb:stress out
To subject to or undergo extreme stress, as from working too much

Take what you'd like from the above, including the fact that I am an extreme nerd and proud of it!

'Night, y'all!

THE PINK LINE!!! YAY!!!

2006-03-31T22:09:00.000-06:00

So, I went to San Francisco last week and have some thoughts but first, there is a Chicago Tribune article you have to read. It made my day when I opened my door, looked down, and saw this front page article. Erica was walking out with me and I read it to her all the way down the elevator. Then I made sure everyone I talked to today knew about it. Go to: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0603310163mar31,1,2707613.story. If that link doesn't work, got to www.chicagotribune.com and search for the article entitled "It's Pink!" You won't regret taking time to read this. It's fun!

Okay, so San Francisco. I opted to go visit my sister and her fiance for Spring Break instead of going to New Orleans again, as I mentioned in the last post I think. I had a wonderful time and it was extremely relaxing. We spent a little time in the city and I have come to a major conclusion about my life. I am very easily inspired and I love way too many cities! The inspiration thing was proved even more this week as I returned to classes. I had signed up for 5 classes and planned on dropping either "Women and Religion" or "Playwriting: Finding the Writer's Voice." Well, I went to the religion class Monday and fell in love with it. I was going to drop until I went to class. So that left playwriting. I was going to tough it out. But by Thursday, the day the class meets, I was stressed and distressed. I decided to drop playwriting before even going to class. My sister wisely said "I would usually tell you to go to the class before dropping it but knowing you, you would go and find something in it to be passionate about and would convince yourself you could handle it." She knows me well. In any case, that is just one example of how easily I am inspired.

The inspiration thing and the city thing directly relate. I love San Francisco. I am extremely happy that I will be able to live and work there all summer (more summer job news coming soon...). It is a magical place full of history. It also has A LOT of problems. But when I was there, I could not imagine living anywhere else! But that is what happened when I moved to Chicago... And again what I thought visiting New Orleans, even in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. All these cities are important to me and inspire me in some way. So now I'm just stuck with figuring out what to do with that inspiration since there is not really a possibility that those three cities will somehow merge somewhere in the middle, retaining all the big bodies of water, so that I can live in three places at once.

I think I'll leave the discussion there. Yay! Go read the Pink article!

back after a long time away

2006-03-21T00:35:00.000-06:00

My last post was right before I went to New Orleans for a week over Winter Break. While we were there, we wrote about our experiences in a blog and that alone was an amazing experience. I"m a blogger and a writer but a lot of the people on the trip had never even heard of blogs. But as I read their posts, I kept thinking "I could have written any of these posts because I am having the same experiences." For some reason, when I got home I lost my drive for writing every day like I had been since last summer. It was almost as if it had all been said before. But now that I've finished yet another tough quarter at Northwestern and have taken a little break from this online journal and rant outlet of sorts, I realize that I need to share my thoughts again through writing. Even if only two people read this, I can imagine that I am being heard in some way. In addition, just writing makes me feel better and I'm a really fast typer.

There are two reasons that I picked tonight, after midnight, before getting up at the crack of dawn to catch a bus to the airport, to continue my blogger existance. I had dinner with a friend last night who inadvertantly put me to shame for not knowing who the second NC senator is other than Elizabeth Dole (at least I knew that!). It may seem like a little thing to some but I am an NC voter still and I should know things like this. I can only name one of the Illinois senators off the top of my head (although I know they are both democrats) and I've been living here for three years!

In any case, I went downtown to do some shopping and grabbed my Chicago Trib on the way out. I read parts of the Trib nearly every day but sometimes I only get a few pages in or I skip to read play reviews or to read about exciting events like the Olympics. But on the El today, I read the entire front page section for the first time in a couple weeks. Okay, I skimmed a couple articles but I can tell you the main points at least. It reminded me that this blog has been a place where I can bounce around my ideals and how they exist within the messed up world we live in. I read an article about gay parents adopting children and how that is allowed or not allowed in certain states and religions. I read a great article about what's happening in Iraq at the moment, kind of a "catch-up" article about their struggling government, the aniversary of the war starting, violence in mixed Sunni/Shiite neighborhoods, and prospects for the future. There was an intriguing editorial about polygamy rights and how that issue does or does not relate to the issue of gay marriage. Oh yeah, and there was a great map of the Loop area with pictures of where all the countdown crosswalk signals will eventually be installed.

So all that reading and wanting to talk about it was the first reason I started thinking about writing again. The second reason was my friends who are currently in New Orleans working with Catholic Charities over Spring Break, like I did over Winter Break. They have a blog again and I have only started to read it a little. There were so many entries that I could only read the first few before commenting on them (remembering how wonderful it was to read comments when we were far away in NO). Just writing one semi-short comment and reading several of the post was enough to almost bring me to tears. Between reading the saddening stories of my colleagues and then realizing how much I've missed writing like this, I had a mini-revelation that I don't know if I can really explain.

It's almost 1am and I have a 6:38am bus to catch. But I had to write something before going to bed. I'm reading a really good book and have a lot of new thoughts on life to impart but I couldn't even begin with that until I restarted my obsessive, but healthy, blogging habit. I don't know if some of you will understand why it is so important for me to write these things or why I perfer to write in a public way. However, I"m strange like this and I feel like I"m ready for Spring Quarter to start next week. This is just prep work and tomorrow I will be with my sister getting rested up before the exciting things to come. I've never been really big on New Year's resolutions but I'm all about resolutions at the beginning of each Quarter (thus about every three months). So for this upcoming quarter, I'm going to take care of myself by letting the words flow again and see what comes of it.!

Peace.
Emily

P.S. Go read the Sheil New Orleans blog at http://sheilneworleans-spring06.blogspot.com/. Don't be shy about leaving them comments, even if you've never met any of them in your life! They will appreciate hearing from anyone.

2005-12-08T23:58:00.000-06:00

So, I dropped my computer the other night and broke the screen which is what has made it a wee bit difficult to update. Nevertheless, I have a few minutes so here's the main update.

I am leaving for New Orleans in 36 hours. While we are down there, members of the group I'm going with will be updating a blog, hopefully daily, with our experiences and in particular how they might relate to Catholic Social Justice teaching which we will be studying and praying about during the experience. I hope that when we get back we will also be able to post our pictures so that you can all see what we see.

The address is www.sheilneworleans.blogspot.com. It doesn't have much right now but just keep checking. Thank you!

Just an update

2005-12-04T01:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, so the day after I wrote the last post, I was flipping through the channels (and I really do see what's on even if it does seem like i'm a maniac channel surfer, thank you very much) and I actually did catch several stories about New Orleans, the Gulf, and the hurricanes. However, I soon discovered that it was the official "end" of the tropical season and these special stories were more a coverage of the season instead of ongoing coverage of the devastation in the South. As my mother did point out in a comment to the earlier post, there have been some articles in newspapers so the world is not completely devoid of information on the situation. However, I think in comparison to other recent stories which have been over covered, this story is not covered enough. There was a great article the other day in the Chicago Tribune (thanks Mom!) that actually started on the front page for a change!!! Usually I have to search the whole paper to find important news that I'm interested in reading about! However, the story was below the fold AND did not have any pictures, although the ape at the Lincoln Park Zoo who is learning to use a PC got a nice big headline and picture in the center below the fold. I think the main article was about someone being charged for a murder that happened in the Eighties. The story did continue on the back of the section with nice pictures and a really good article but I get really upset that this story is being considered a "below the fold" story! This should be somethign people are reminded of daily when they pick up a paper or turn on the news! The people affected by the storms are our fellow Americans! I may not be a "Patriot" according to the George W. Bushes of the world who say being patriotic means limiting freedoms and supporting preemptive attacks which endanger too many lives, including our own troops (10 more Marines died in Fallujah yesterday. Did you see that headline at least?), but I AM patriotic in terms of loyalty to my country which means the people who live within her borders! Yes I am upset by last year's Tsunami and the earthquakes in Pakistan. But sometimes I really do feel that people use foriegn diasters and problems to ignore the work that needs to be done on our own soil!

Well, that is more than I meant to write tonight. I do concede that not everyone has forgotten New Orleans. The hundreds of volunteers spending time down there every day, week, and month are examples of real patriots who are working to help those of us who have lost everything. I don't really know what life is about if it is not about using the gifts you have to help those who have been struck by hardship and diaster.

Well, I was going to write about how much I love the movie Pride and Prejudice and how finals week is approaching but I have a feeling that for a while, I will often just end up writing about New Orleans. I wrote a post a long time ago about my "causes." I haven't given any of them up, I've just added another to my list.

Two Reflections

2005-11-28T23:44:00.000-06:00

As some of you already know, I am going to be spending the first eight days of my winter break in New Orleans with a group from the Sheil Catholic Center, my church on campus. We are going down to work with Catholic Charities through Project Helping Hands, a project put together after Hurricane Katrina that is working to make homes livable again so evacuees can return home. I have to observations that have risen out of this that I want to share and would welcome comments on. They are almost contradictory in some ways.

The first is that when I tell people I am going to New Orleans for the first part of my break, no one asks me what I am going to be doing or why I am going. I was telling my acupunturist/chiropractor's wife this afternoon that I was going and her response was "Thank you for going down there to help for all of us" essentially. I'm realizing that even though it seems that the country has forgotton about the Gulf coast and the issues of poverty and the distruction that was caused by the storm, heightening the awareness of the poverty, most people remember the tragedy enough to know that if you are going down to New Orleans this holiday season, it is probably not to hear some blues or eat some Cajun home cooking.

However, that reflection brought me to another observation which actually makes me angry. I noticed this summer that certain "news" stations would have hours devoted to this missing girl in Aruba. These "news specials" continued for up to six months after she disappeared and I stumbled across one again the other day. However, it is hard to find images and news about New Orleans and the Gulf coast that was devastated less than three months ago in the newspaper or on any news channel. Occasionally they might have a two minute segment but it apparently is not as riviting as the search for a white girl who disappeared half a year ago in Aruba. Thousands of people lost their lives or disappeared in the hurricane tragedies but it is not enough for the mainstream media to devote valuable airtime.

So even though everyone knows what I'll be doing in New Orleans this Christmas, the things I experience and see will be hard to transfer to them because of how little is being shared with the world three months later. Our campus minister gave us a statistic the other day that out of the 450,000 people who evacuated fro New Orleans, only about 150,000 have returned. We will be cleaning out fridges that have been left since people evacuated. We will be clearing debris from houses and yard, coming into contact with the devastation of massive flooding, and doing the bare minimum in some cases to make the roof keep out the rain or the walls keep out the wind. But we have no idea really what is will look like or feel like because our news networks and media outlets have abandoned us. I am certainly planning on doing some online searches for information because I feel that may be the only place I can go to prepare myself mentally.

Keep the Gulf Coast in your thoughts and prayers. The hardships suffered in the South deserve more thought and attention by the whole nation. How can we even begin to help those outside our borders when we have so many in need on our doorsteps.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

2005-11-25T21:16:00.000-06:00

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. The biggest thing is that my dad is visiting for the holiday and it has been really wonderful. I love having people visit me from home because it reminds me that there is more to life than school, which I am apt to forget quite frequently.

It is really nice to be done with classes for a few days. I only have theater classes meeting next week and then the following week, finals week, I have one paper and one exam so I've lucked out with that this quarter. It's nice when the most intense and difficult quarters end so smoothly and easily. Please don't hate me for it, other NU people, I have had my share of horrible reading and finals weeks...

Anyways, next week we hope to have another meeting of Spectrum to revise and finalize our constitution! I worked on it for many hours last weekend, trying to get the wording right and make it so this group will succeed where others haven't. It's really hard for me to slow down the process though but it is inevitable. I wanted to have an executive board and a plan for projects done by the end of this quarter but I would only be able to accomplish that if I was a dictator and hand picked everything myself. Now, I would very much like to do that because it means putting my friends in the positions I want to and picking shows I want to direct or work with but that would defeat the whole purpose of the group in many ways. So I'm resigned to waiting until next quarter to do those things so that next week we can really make the constitution viable and agreeable to the group. I think it will make things work better in the future.

Last thing for tonight, it snowed! I know it has snowed already but it doesn't count because it didn't really stick. This time it started as my dad and I were leaving the movie theater (where we saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!!!) and less than an hour later, the whole world out my window (on the 16th floor...) was white and beautiful!! So this counts as the first sticking snow. My dad went out and said it was only about a half inch but you really can't tell from this far up. It just looks beautiful. And peaceful. I love snow.

SPECTRUM!!!

2005-11-18T23:40:00.000-06:00

Check it out! I made a blog for the new theatre company! Instead of repeating all the info here, go read about the company there! Thanks!

Oh dear...

2005-11-18T23:16:00.000-06:00

I think I have left my blogging behind for so long I probably have lost all my readers! Oh well, I will write anyways. I don't need an audience necessarily.

A lot has happened since I last updated. I'll write about a few of the bigger things and then elaborate later when I have more time on ideas, opinions, etc.

I started a Theater company!!!!!!!! It already has 50 members!!! Now I just have to draft a constitution so we have something to talk about next week at our Constitution revising meeting!! Blog for Spectrum, our awesome new group, coming soon!!!

My back is still doing a lot better! I still have a lot of trouble with the pain some days and now that the pain comes and goes, it is clear that my posture when sitting for long periods (ie classes and plays) is what aggravates the injury. I know that having good posture just seems like common sense to some people, and I have always thought I had better posture than most, but the kind of detailed posture work I am doing now is amazing and I have never thought about it this much. I sit in classes and performances now squeezing my shoulder blades together over and over so that I don't slump them forward or jut out my head. It is the only way to stave off the pain. On Monday, my PT did something really cool though! She taped my shoulders back into the correct position! She used this heavy duty medical tape and put a "V" type shap on either shoulder, coming to a point at the shoulder blade. If I started to pull the shoulders up and forward, the tape would be a little uncomfortable, reminding my muscles to pull down and back. It was amazing.

Next news - my dad is visiting for Thanksgiving! We are going to have a great time and I just wish I had more people to feed because there is so much i want to cook! It is a good thing Erica and I have such a big freezer because I'll probably have to freeze half of everything I make (like cranberry bread, pies, etc). I'm also looking forward to ending a few of my classes after next week (except for the finals/papers) because sometimes the quarter system is a little long. For example, I am getting really tired of taking about artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization and not relating it to religion like the class was advertized to do (Religion 379 - Feminism and Fertility).

I have registered for classes! Yay! Unfortunately the psychopathology class I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to take is already FULL!!! I am NINETEENTH on the WAITING LIST!!! It really upset me because it filled up during preregistration. I need this class for drama therapy grad schools and it is a prereq for Clinical Psych which is being offered in the spring. So I will just have to wait, I suppose. They are offering psychopathology spring quarter as well so I guess I'm stuck with it that quarter. The five classes I have registered for (because I am being ambitious this quarter) are: Acting (Shakespeare!), Children's Theater, Statistical Methods in Psych, "Buddhist, Hindu, and Jainist Ethics", and Beginning Painting Composition. I signed up for the last one on a whim because I was mad about Psychopathology. The class meets 1 hour for lecture and then 4 hours for lab/studio work in the afternoon so I think it will actually be a lot of fun and very relaxing. I also going to "P/N" that class which means "Pass/No pass" which means "Pass/Fail," but that is too harsh on people, using the word "fail."

it's about time!

2005-10-22T23:20:00.000-05:00

YAY! In my last post, I mentioned my faith in alternative medicine. Well, I'm going to affirm it even more! For the last two months, I have felt like I was in limbo, waiting for something big to happen that would make my back feel better and working my butt of to get there in the meantime. Well, I'm finally out of limbo and I THINK I'M GETTING BETTER! My measure of "betterness" directly correlates to the number of narcotics I have to take daily just to get by. Today was substantially better!

A lot of credit to this sudden boost of health goes to my new doctor, a wonderful chiropractor/acupuncturist. I went to see him Thursday afternoon and he spent an hour evaluating and treating me. I had my first acupuncture treatment ever, an ultrasound (which relieves a lot of deep tension where a simple massage would not reach), and a chiropractic adjustment. Well, two days later and I'm starting to feel better! My new doctor had an interesting second opinion which is the bulk of the injury was done to my neck and it is possible that a pinched nerve in my cervical spine is what is causing the mid-upper back pain. After my treatment on Thursday which included a lot of therapy for the neck (which my physical therapist had worked on as well on Wednesday), the really harsh, stabbing pain I had been feeling in my back has diminished a great deal! I'd say that is a great sign! I may have to go in for a neck MRI to check for a pinched nerve but I wouldn't mind. It's just really exciting to get a second opinion. I could spend a lot of time wishing I had gone to an alternative medicine doctor sooner but I didn't have one I trusted until this week. So I'm not going to waste time!

Okay, on to some stuff not about my personal life, since I know a lot of my readers either already know about everything I just wrote or are not interested.

I just got back from my house managing job (Darling of the Day with Light Opera Works. See link to left...) and I'm feeling something that I think might just be inspiration. It is nothing from the actual show or even my house managing job. Rather, it is from a book I am rereading which is inspiring me as I think it did the first time I read it. I might have mentioned it in an earlier post. I'm reading a book by my favorite author, Robin McKinley, called The Blue Sword. She is the author I was talking about creating a world where she trusts the reader to accept the circumstances and thus completely envelopes the reader in the experience. The Blue Sword is definately one of my childhood/adolescent years favorites (Dad, I still love Wizard of Oz and Chronicles of Narnia and Mom, nothing can replace Swallows and Amazons...but that was a different kind of experience in reading since it was with my parents... Lord of the Rings doesn't even count since I didn't read them until I got to college, silly me....).

Robin McKinley is an author I read and never want the book to end. I always want more of the story and more of the writing. That is a huge strength in writing because it challenges the imagination to fill in that void that is left by finishing the last page of a good book. I don't know if I'm being clear or not. Maybe no one else has that same experience that I do of desperately wanting to draw out the experience of reading a good book but not being able to put it down, and then lying with your eyes closed when it is over, just letting it dwell in your imagination.

Anybody who knows me can attest to the fact that I am an avid reader which is perhaps an understatement. My mom literally had to make me and my siblings stop reading every now and then so we would get other work done (which is a lesson I still haven't learned....). People who read my blog can tell that I am also a rather verbose writer. But what I write is non-fiction and what I want more than anything right now is to sit down and write a book. I don't know how that makes sense even to myself but when I read someone like Robin McKinley, who seems to write with such ease and grace, I feel like it is possible for me to create an equally splendid wolrld in my head. Yet I have tried so many times and failed. Well, not necessarily failed but given up...When I go home for winter break this year, I'm going to look for my old "stories." I had quite a few novels in the works when I was younger. Much younger. I would sit and write for hours but I never had the patience to finish anything. Now when I try to write fiction, the language just sounds so forced and stunted.

But maybe it's time to try again. I read a wonderful book by another favorite author, Ann Patchett, about her own experience as a young writer and the experiences of a fellow author and friend. The book, Truth and Beauty, delves into the deep issues of artistic struggles as writers and the lives of two very different writers dealing with those demons. I guess what I can learn from that book is that it is not easy to get something you like. But without perseverence, what is the point of anything. The more patience exerted into a project and passion used, the greater the meaning in the outcome. Or somethign like that.

I also cannot be afraid of the editing process. Which I obviously ignore for blog writing. But perhaps if I can get by the strangeness of a first draft of fiction, the stories underneath the bad writing will come otu and I can make the writing match what I see and hear in my imagination.

Well, I'm off to try to write and then I will let myself go back to my very good book.

Here's wishing you a very inspired week!

sleepy. very very sleepy

2005-10-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

I have to perform in Acting at the crack of dawn (aka 8:30am...) so I'm going to keep this brief.

I just want to affirm how wonderful and amazing alternative medicine can be. Or I hope will be. I had a rough day because I accidently missed my physical therapy appointment. However, I got a name from someone I trust a great deal for a chiropractor who also does acupuncture. Just making an appointment with that doctor is making me feel like there is an end in sight. In addition, my dear condo-mate, Erica, told me to go to yoga tonight because it would make me feel better. And as always, she was absolutely right and I am feeling relaxed although still in a little pain. The more important part is that yoga doesn't just work on the body; yoga can affect your spirit and heart as well if you let it. Yoga has always been spiritual for me because I find peace in the movements and meditation. Tonight Joyce did an amazing walking meditation with us based on one she did with Thicht That Nan (probably misspelled that name...sorry!). Just the fact that she was in the same room with him is amazing (he wrote one of my favorite books, Living Buddha, Living Christ). But the meditation was very simple. We kept a soft focus and on the inhalations and exhalations, placed one foot slowly to the ground in front of us, heel first, and when it was fully connected to the ground, we moved the

next foot. On each step, she said to think of something simple to meditate on. Her examples were ""I am calm" and "I am smiling." For mine I chose "I am well." Even though it is not quite true, just meditating on the possibility of being well is amazing.

Anyways, I need to get to sleep but I highly recommend trying the walking mediation sometime. Just put on some relaxing music, clear an area in your room, turn the lights down, and just pick something to walk to. It's a great way to calm down after a long, hard, exhausting day.and

I crack myself up...

2005-10-16T23:06:00.000-05:00

So I realized tonight that I should have made the title for last night's entry "BACK!" because it would have been very punny....

Anyways, Segundo's in town this weekend and those of you who know who I"m talking about know that my punny sense is on because of his wonderful sense of humor...

Okay, there are so many things I want to talk about I don't know where to start. But sense I'm currently listening to the music of one of my new favorite movies, I think I can start there.

I love the movie Serenity. I've only seen it once so far but that will soon change because I have to see it multiple times in the theater to boost it's profit so they will make many more sequels! I can't talk about some of the more exciting/disturbing aspects of the movie without giving things away but I'll just say it was great.

What I can talk about is how it relates to all my grumblings about action movies this summer. I read something really interesting last night about the TV show it started from, Firefly, which discussed how the creator, Joss Whedon, wanted to make a sci-fi movie where it wasn't about the possibilities of the future and how things might be but rather the future as being history. In other words, it is not about a future but about a "then," which is what most movies and TV shows that are good relate to. Or at least a "now." I don't know if that makes any sense so I'll try to explain.

I love reading science fiction which creates entire worlds from the imagination and just assumes the reader will be able to learn to understand the intricacies of the made up reality. For example, Robin McKinley is an amazing writer who's books The Hero and the Crown and The Blue Sword take place in a kind of fantasy world that does not give in to "common" fantasy world archetypes or inhabitants like unicorns, damsels in distress, or knighthood. Instead, she does draw on some traditional fantasies like fighting dragons but also creates creatures who have their own unique personalities and names that come completely from her imagination! And you accept the terig because both the author and the characters accept them.

Those of you who remember my grumblings about action movies this summer are probably trying to figure out how in the world this relates to feminism. Well, I'm about to tell you.

In the world of Firefly and Serenity, there is an interesting combinations of cultures, historical periods, and customs. Some planets featured in the TV episodes are hopelessly patriarchial and sexist yet others demonstrate matriarchal societies or interesting mixes of equality of the sexes. On the ship Serenity, the crew is a delightful mixture of men and women and everyone has a very defined role and character! Yet the fact that the courtesan character is a woman doesn't bother me because she also kicks ass and her career as a highly trained "prostitute" is actually the most respected job in the universe in the world that Joss Whedon has created. The character of Kaylee, one of my favorites, is a sweet young girl who also happens to be naturally tuned in to the mechanical workings of space ships and therefore is the most skilled mechanic in the "verse."

The male roles are equally diverse and interesting. Mal, the captain, is a seemingly hard-edged war veteran who is actually quite emotional and a real softy at heart. He is a strong male character who does not hide behind the Hollywood norm of lacking emotions/stoicism. I find it hilarious that the muscle man of the crew, Mr. Cobb, who is the most stereotypically "male" in his snide remarks and slight sexist comments (notice I said stereotypically. I don't really think this is who males act but we're talking about TV and Hollywood) has a "girl's name," Jayne. (Side note: I love Jayne more than any of the other characters for some reason. I think it has to do with the fact he named his favorite gun "Vera" and has a town named after him for his accidental Robin Hood deeds...). It probably wasn't intentional but it is intriguing that the most "male" character has what is usually defined as a "female" name, Jayne...

When I actually was sitting watching Firefly and Serenity, the problem I usually see in movies relating to sexism never even occured to me. Those of you who know me know this is an amazing sign. The characters were so natural and rich that I accepted them as the people they are, just as I can accept the world they are placed in which is a figment of one man's imagination that has become a major motion picture.

So I recommend seeing Serenity and renting the TV series sometime. It is some of the best writing, acting, music, editing, filming, etc I have seen in a very long time.

Enjoy.

My To Do List for the next few days for my Blog:
Write about Katie Holmes and her Scientologist choices...
Hurricane schtuf
The Asian Earthquake
Sudokus
Greek Tragedy.

Goodnight

I'm back!

2005-10-15T23:38:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Thanks for still reading! I would like to apologize for my absence. My computer was having some issues and had to go to Texas to have them sorted out and in the meantime, I didn't really do much online at all. Except check my email. And that was it.

But I'm back now and realizing how much I missed writing! I've felt isolated lately because of my injured back (yes, two months later, it is still injured!) which causes lots of pain but writing on my blog is one thing I can stand to do since I don't have to smile and pretend I'm fine around other people.

So I guess I'll talk about my back first (I have a long list of things to write about over the next couple of days). I have a new found respect for anyone who is able to diagnose back problems at all. They are having a little trouble with mine. I don't remember if I wrote about the initial injury or not so I'll just recap. Back in August when I was working on The Merry Widow, I picked up one of our cafe tables with a cast iron base and I apparently picked it up wrong because I started experiencing a lot of back pain. Then the next weekend my Mom was here and we were in a great used bookstore and I just kinda fell on my butt, causing more pain. Well, it took my doctor awhile to figure out just how much pain I was in (it's really a hard thing to guage by anything other than trial and error with drugs) and by that time I had compensated so much for the injury that I pretty much hurt all over my back. I started physical therapy and we were hoping that would fix the problem BUT it apparently wasn't enough.

In the last month or so I have been to the Evanston hospital numerous times. They have done x-rays of my upper and lower back (because the pain was all over to the extent we had no clue what might be the problem and where), which came back normal. Then there was more waiting and physical therapy, and when that still wasn't cutting it, I had an MRI. MRIs are not fun. They are painful. I wasn't bothered by the small enclosed space. It was the block of wood (or what felt like a block of wood) that they put under my neck that was hell, adding to the fact I was in pain anyways. They told me over the phone that the MRI came back fine. Then when I went to my doctor for a follow-up, he told me they actually had found a lesion near my spine and needed to do a bone scan in order to rule out more serious problems such as...cancer.

I went a week and a half until the bone scan and it was horrible. The scan came back fine (my doctor even called me the same day!) but that week, which included going home for a wedding, was emotionally and physically rough. The lesion is probably just a cluster of blood vessels or something harmless like that but who knows why it is there. Maybe this "injury" I had back in August just set off a chain of events to lead me to find this lesion. I don't know. But at least it's not cancer! I can thank God for that.

So that brings the "injury report" up to date. I'm in limbo again with no new tests ordered and still on lots and lots of pain meds and muscle relaxers. I'm still doing physical therapy which has been wonderful because my therapist works with me and my pain and I am getting stronger. However, I don't know if it's going to "fix" me...I'm going to see a rehabilitation back specialist sometime soon so maybe that will illuminate things some.

Well, that is all for tonight's entry. I needed to write about my back, which seems like an unusual and personal topic but it is important to me. I've been living with the pain and discomfort for almost two months and therefore it has become part of who I am this fall and how I look at the world. I even used my back trouble as an example in my Feminism and Fertility class about how physical pain greatly affects the emotions and the way a person lives (I think it was in a discussion of infertility and disabilities). I'm pretty open with people when they ask about my back because it has made me a different person. I'm trying not to complain to much and most of the time I make fun of myself in order to make the situation less depressing. I've had wonderful support from all of my family, friends, coworkers, bosses, professors, etc and I thank you all for that.

My back is telling me to go do my therapy exercises and they take a load off with a nice ice pack so I close this blog entry for tonight. On Monday I'm going to start researching new ways to help my back, perhaps chiropractics or acupuncture. And who knows, maybe it just needs time.

I know, this time was REALLY long...

2005-09-24T20:58:00.000-05:00

First of all, I apologize to loyal blog readers that i have not been updating lately. There are two reasons. The first is that I still don't have my computer although I have been assured it is being fixed. The second reason is my back pain. It has been getting worse or at least not getting better. I had an MRI last week (a horrible horrible experience, i might add) and hopefully will find out next week how that turned out. I figured out a way to describe how I feel, finally, so that at least half the population can relate. A way beyond describing the massive amounts of painkillers I'm on in addition to the physical therapy and muscle relaxers. Basically, the last month has been like having PMS for the last month - feeling sluggish, moody, and extreme pain
(but in the mid back instead of the abdomen). So yeah, girls, you know what I'm talking about. I apologize as well to anyone who has been on the recieving end of my back-induced bad mood.

On to the next thing, which I SWEAR I would be just as pissed off about if I was not in pain. My sister was nice enough to CC me on an email to a family member who is a priest asking about this horrendous proposed ban on gay men becoming priests which the Vatican is apparently going to approve. The article is at http://www.iht.com/articles/2005/09/21/news/pope.php. I had heard mumblings about this. I had read what my sister thought about it. But then, after actually reading the article, I got ten times more angry. Here's a quote from the article:

"He said, however, that the ban was not absolute: The very definition of homosexuality, he said, is not fixed. He said there may be cases in which the church decides after discussion with a prospective seminarian that he would still make a suitable, celibate priest."

Apparently the problem with gay men is the "temptation" a seminary would present with their "homosexual tendancies" which one conservative source called a DISORDER!! Okay, good point y'all. You can't argue that heterosexual men would have the same "temptation." How lucky that they get to be taken out of the real world away from the temptation of numerous single women! The blame is being put on homosexuals in general based on cases which were overlooked or covered up by high ranking officials in the Catholic Church. Since some bishops, archbishops, cardinals, and popes decided that sexual abuse in the Church should be hidden and overlooked in many cases (by not removing priests at all from their ministry despite their mortal sins that were also illegal), the Vatican and our new pope are condemning an entire group of people who are not necessarily to blame! So yes, there is more "temptation" in the seminary for gay men but if the people in charge of the seminary did their job in supervising their "flock" and helping them get past "temptation" IF they should happen to find it a problem, those men would be STRONGER IN THE END THAN THE HETEROSEXUAL MALES WHO HAVE BEEN PUT INTO AN ARTIFICAL, WOMANLESS ENVIRONMENT!!!! Every male priest will eventually have to work with women as well as men. According to the arguement posed in this article, that would be temptation and thus background of banning a group of people from serving God.

I am Catholic, as most of you know. This issue and this article incense me to no end. I have been able to reconcile my personal beliefs with the Catholic Church's actions up to this point. I was under the impression that the Catholic Church was against homesexual ACTS but not all gay people!!! I even have problems with that much but have personnally discerned what I believe to be Truth (which is really what every intelligent being who is religious does in some way with his or her faith in a religion).

In my Feminism and Fertility class, we have started talking about how over time religions change with new issues and growth, in particular dealing with views on women, fertility, and the traditional family. History contains many examples of changes within religions that reflect new interpretations of past experiences and texts as well as times that reconciliation and change within the religion is not possible and new theologies and religions are born. Vatican 2 is an example of the first situation; The Protestant Reformation is an example of when beliefs could not be reconciled and radical "reinterpretation" or change occured based on the foundational texts and experiences of Christianity. I'm really curious to see what happens in the next few weeks over this issue, especially the reaction of American Catholics and more liberal churches around the globe.

This proposed "policy" is discrimanatory and irrational. The problem with sex abuse is that the higher powers let it happen. I would be fine if they were proposing more strict entrance requirements, maybe more counseling, and better interviews. Anything that would treat all applicants equally instead of alienating a group of individuals who happen to be homosexual but are BELOVED CHILDREN OF GOD NO MATTER WHAT!!! It is not a sin to be gay, but this policy strongly implies that it is, even without the uneducated and bigotted comments by conservative religion commentators who do not even seem to know the history and laws of nature and the Church. I know I am not the pope or the Dalai Lama or anyone with years of religion study but some of this seems like common sense. Banning a group based on biological differences is equivalent to racism. That is not something I want associated with the religion I follow. It's time for change and this is not the kind of change I'm looking for. For now I'm still Catholic and I hope that I can stay with the tradition and culture I love. But actions like these are despicable and I don't know how many more ignorant choices I can "accept" or reconcile in any way.

I am very curious to know what others think about this so comment away! I'll be checking for comments but my back doesn't like sitting at the computer for very long. But I'll try to update again soon.

i'm back. temporarily

2005-09-14T19:01:00.000-05:00

Wow, I didn't realize it had been so long since I updated! So much for my trend of almost every other day! I have a good excuse, however. My computer decided it didn't like me and decided not to charge. Ever. So Erica and I made a fun excursion downtown to the CompUSA and entrusted my dear computer to a stoned Tech guy who promised he would send it out to Texas to get looked at and call me in a week. I hope my computer made it to Texas... In any case, not having a computer at my beck and call kind of puts a damper on blogging.

I am using Erica's computer tonight and decided I should update with something but I really don't have a lot to say! A job update though. I have been asked to house manage the LOW fall production, at the smaller venue, which will consume 5 weekends of my fall but I think I just might do it! If they really do pay me the same as they have all summer, even though there will be fewer hours, I will definately say yes. It will be a new experience for me as well.

Classes start next week and I am pumped! My Psych book is supposed to come in the mail tomorrow and I can't wait. I am looking forward to starting acting again but I still have to bite into all of Euripedes and read some background material on the Greeks before I will feel safe facing Bud.

On that note, I'm going to go finish the Theban plays. Catch you later!

Day off

2005-09-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

Well, I decided to take a day off today, in many ways. AFter my physical therapy appointment I was in more pain than before so I went to my doctor and got referred for xrays. I'm hoping they figure out what's wrong with my back soon because it is going to be hard to do acting in the fall, much less sit at a desk and write papers and stuff. Hopefully the xray info will be back soon.

I observed something very disturbing in the waiting room at the Evanston hospital Radiology department. When you walk in, they give you hospital gowns to change into and then you wait, they take you back, put you in weird positions, and then take pictures. THen you go back to the waiting room, sit around in the hospital gown a little longer, and finally get to change back into normal clothes and leave. While I was waiting to be called, sitting in my hospital gown, a hospital worker of some kind wheeled in an elderly woman in a wheelchair from where she had just had her xrays. The worker was male and the woman was asking if there was a female nurse who could come help her change back into her clothes. Apparently the relative of another patient had helped her get into the gown and she was hoping she didn't have to impose on a complete stranger again. Instead of being respectful and considerate, the male radiology tech or whatever he was told her there was no one who could help her and then asked the entire waiting room if there was someone who could help her. I can only think of how humiliating that must have been for her! Erica immediately stepped up and volunteered to help her which is just one of the million reasons I love Erica. I would have helped her myself but I was selfish and didn't want to be out of the room when they called me for my xrays.

There are two possibilities to why this elderly disabled woman was humiliated in a waiting room full of people at the hospital. The first is that the hospital really doesn't have enough funds to hire people who can help patients get in and out of hospital gowns in radiology. The second, and more disturbing possibility, is that what Erica and I witnessed was a case of ageism where a staff member decided that he had to get back to his job and couldn't be bothered with finding any female staff member who could spare 5 minutes to help the patient. I really hope it was the first option as that is possible, but I have a feeling it was a little of each and ageism was a factor.

I also took a day off from the news. I needed a break, which is a luxury that so many people don' t have right now. I spent all day thinking about the devastated area in the South because at work, my boss printed out an article about the hospital her sister's uncle-in-law (if there is such a thing) runs in Jefferson Parish, Lousiana. When I told her about my interest in this subject, she printed out an email that her sister had forwarded about this uncle-in-law's personal experience. Hearing about how the government did not do enough to prepare OR respond from a personal experience was amazing and infuriating. This man is the CEO of a hospital down there and in the days after Katrina, FEMA actually hendered aid more than helped. Gary, the CEO/Uncle, was able to call out of town hospital contacts to get supplies in and was able to get them within hours, despite flooding, because of telling them back ways to get to the hospital (while the government was insisting there was no way to get help to the people in Jefferson Parish). When generators were being brought there so that the hospital could have running water and electricity, the government stopped those trucks for hours before sdme of the generators were able to get past. I would have been in tears when I got home except Erica had cooked dinner for me when I walked in the door. The email and the article also talked about how this hospital had done a great deal of preparation for hurricanes and it is because of this rare preparation that the hospital is still up and running, with clean water and electricity. The story can be found at http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9179702/site/newsweek/ .

OKay, I'm going to go knock myself out with another muscle relaxer or as Erica put it as we were leaving the hospital "let's take you home and get you drugged up and knocked out." Around the same time she mentioned that, we were walking through the parking lot to the El and there was music streaming through the PA system. I thought it was just classical music but Erica made me go back and listen. It was the Northwestern Fight Song. How sad is that.

Overall an adventurous day off although not very relaxing overall. Time to call it a night.

the articles I promised to find

2005-09-05T11:31:00.000-05:00

I promised I was going to do some research on how much information Lousiana had before the storm as well as their efforts to prevent such a catastrophic outcome. Jay, a good friend of mine, actually needs to be credited for finding a lot of these and sending them to me. Others I found by just looking up articles from before the storm hit. I'm still looking for information on evacuation procedures and help given before the storm if anyone has seen stuff like that. I would like to emphasize that I am in no way trying to diminish the tremendous rescue efforts that are currently underway. I am just supporting my view that not enough was done before the storm to prevent the rising death toll (most likely in the 100os) and the severe damage.

New York Times online - off of NYtimes.com there is a great gallery of pictures documenting the actual hurricane in action as well as daily additions of the damage and evacuation efforts in Lousiana, Houston, and Mississippi. I highly recommend going to look at some of the pictures becuase they are stunning.

http://irishtrojan.com/ - this blog talks a lot about the same things I"ve been discussing and was actually part of a NYTimes article. I found it interesting to read about the views of another amature weather nerd.

http://news.com.com/Experts+New+Orleans+disaster+was+predicted/2100-1008_3-5846233.html?tag=st.prev - this article cnet (news.com.com) examines interesting technological indications that such a disaster would occur. Read it. It's very interesting.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WEATHER/08/28/hurricane.katrina/ - this is a "pre-landfall" article which screams out warning signs in really simple sentences such as "Forecasters predicted the storm surge could reach 28 feet; the highest levees around New Orleans are 18 feet high," and "Hurricane-force winds extend 105 miles from the center of the mammoth storm and tropical storm-force winds extend outward up to 230 miles. It is the most powerful storm to menace the central Gulf Coast in decades." Looking at the pre-landfall stories tells a lot, I believe, about how much was ignored. Not that I put much faith in commercial and mainstream media but we have to take into account that mainstream media is how a majority of people get their "news."

http://www.sciam.com/print_version.cfm?articleID=00060286-CB58-1315-8B5883414B7F0000 - this is an amazing Scientific American article that Jay found. Although the date at the top says August 31, 2005, we think it was actually written in 2001 or earlier and then reprinted in the latest edition. Dad or someone with a subscription, let me know if we're right about that. Since the article does not mention any storm by name, in particular Katerina, this indicated that it was written before the storm, even though the online publication date on the link is after the storm.

Well, have fun with all that. I'll keep digging and today my goal is to find the NPR station around here. I'm hoping since we now live on the 16th floor and Erica has some sort of special radio antennae, that we'll be able to find it easier than on campus. Listening online is okay but I'd rather be able to just turn on the radio.

something like a retraction/clarification

2005-09-03T22:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, I have talked to several people about what I posted this week and I have some clarifying and revising to do, which is good! This is why I like discussing stuff with people!

First of all, the media is doing a pretty shoddy job of covering what is happening in Lousiana, I'll just put that out there first. They show all these news conferences and show pictures over and over but they are leaving out some stories I've been hearing lately through emails my mom has forwarded to me and things I've read from smaller newspaper stories (as in not front page news, unfortunatly). The relief response to this storm has been tremendous. My mom sent me stories about neighbors helping neighbors and wonderful, positive rescues. I am glad these things are happening. The media is focusing on stories of displaced elderly being carted around like cargo and rampant disease, which are no doubt happening, but they are truly only part of the story and I recognize that.

What I need to clarify, I suppose, is that what angers me is not so much what is happening in the present tense but what didn't happen in the past tense before the storm. I had a heated argument at dinner last night with a good friend about whether or not everyone in the area of mandatory evacuation actually had the CHOICE to evacuate. The city's failure to do more to aid people's exile and to educate the people who may not comprehend the strength of the storm or worse case scenario. I am of course going to try to find some more news stories to support this claim because this is based on what the awful TV media covered before the storm. The LA officials did do wonderful things that all evacuated areas do before storms such as change the highways to one way in order to open up more lanes out of the city etc but there were certainly failures in counting on a best case scenario, a non-direct hit, instead of considering what actually happened which was a catagory 4 storm sitting over the city for an extended time. The predictions couldn't be with absolute certainty but the various possibilities did not seem to be weighed equally.

I think I'm going to leave the subject for now though because I am so afraid of having to stick my foot in my mouth tomorrow or getting into more arguments over dinner for the next couple of days. I will work on more supporting evidence and report back here when I find it.

On a personal note, I am now successfully moved into my new apartment with the lovely Erica. I still have some random stuff to collect from my summer sublet but overall I'm moved and mostly unpacked! It is a really nice feeling to be settled somewhere that I don't have to leave on a certain date or even at the end of the school year! I can put roots down finally for more than a few months at a time and it is really good for the mind and body. I couldn't have done it without my lovely friends helping me move stuff since I'm still kinda incapacitated. THank you guys and I'm sorry if I was in a little bit of a foul mood after dinner. I just needed to unpack enough to feel at home.

I've been offered a part-time job at Light Opera Works, the place I've been interning at, and I think I'm going to take it. Since the research job is not a viable option because of the hours and since I most likely won't be any use in the shops until my back heals, I figure I can stay on at LOW for a few months instead since I love the production management skills I've been working on there. I might look into working at the Library or something on the weekend in order to keep up with my work-study allotment but nothing stressful. Those of you who have seen or talked to me this summer know that I love working at LOW so I'm sure it will continue to make me happy.

Well, I'm going to bed now. Please comment if you disagree or agree with me about all this hurricane stuff. I'm anxious to hear what you think, even though I do want to cry most of the time I talk about it or hear about it. But anyways, talk to me. I like that.

too little too late...

2005-09-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

When I started writing yesterday, I really intended to write about how angry I am about the way this storm was handled. I should warn you that I haven't read EVERY news story about New Orleans so maybe I'm getting some of this wrong so feel free to comment on it.

When I was watching the weather news about the approaching Catagory 5 hurricane Katrina last week, I knew that something horrible was in store. I have been watching hurricane stories as long as I can remember, as I mentioned in my earlier post. I've seen several news conferences with LA authorities and they seem to be saying that what they did was based on the worse case scenario that they could imagine and they just couldn't imagine this kind of devastation. However, I read today that the levees that broke were only built to withstand a Catagory 3 hurricane. And I seem remember hearing before the storm hit that possible breaches in the levees were going to be diasterous. So what I want to know is why the authorities allowed so many people to stay in the city but more importantly, why more was not done to assist the people who did not have the means to escape the wrath of a catagory 5 hurricane! (I know it was a 4 when it hit completely but it was a five right before landfall too).

THey are now bussing the 20,000+ refugees from the Superdome to the Astrodome in Housten. This is what I mean by too late. There was an interview with a couple refugees at the Astrodome and they had legitimate reasons for staying in New Orleans - the woman's mother had just had a triple bipass surgery three weeks ago and they felt unsafe moving her. I can see why they would be concerned about the mother and grandmother but perhaps if evacuation procedures relating to the areas of the state farther from the hit point were improved, they could have felt safe leaving the most dangerous area to be in for a safe place even just a little farther away. What I'm trying to say is that the people of the South, my brethern, need to find a way to communicate to more people in times of crisis and open their doors more readily. A lot of these people probably did not have access to any news about the hurricane other than maybe some radio reports and the police information given about the evacuation. I am lucky enough to have access to the Weather Channel and 5 other news stations playing 24 hour coverage of the hurricane, tracking it along its path but so many of the people in New Orleans have little more than the clothes on their backs and food to eat. A lot of people probably can't even comprehend what wind at 150 mph means! Don't even get me started about immigrants with language barriers. So not only was there a problem in not helping people evacuate more, there doesn't even seem to be enough education on what these storms can do! The women in the interview admitted that the higher catagory number should have warned them to leave but they didn't understand what just two numbers higher than a 3 could mean in terms of the storm!

I know that all of this is clear to us in retrospect but it's important to talk about failures in this crisis in order to have more success in the inevitable future hurricanes. New Orleans will never be the same, not just because of the extreme damage to the city but also the emotional toll it has taken on the entire country. Every death I hear about is one that I feel could possibly have been saved if Americans adheared better to the Golden Rule.

I don't understand why the city didn't make people leave. I don't understand why the government didn't send in those massive amounts of troops BEFORE the storm in order to enable and encourage people to leave the area. I don't understand why some people don't understand how this devastation feels the same or even worse than that of September 11th. I guess it is because the warning signs of this diaster were not very cryptic and there was no possibility of accidently ignoring warning signs. We knew what could happen and we knew it would probably be worse than many hurricanes in the past but instead of going the extra mile to ensure safety, the same procedures we have used for years for mandatory evacuations were used even though the breaching of the levees would likely cause major problems.

I'm sure Ive been quite redundant in the past few posts and I apologize. I spent a lot of today wondering again what I can do to help both the people of the Southeast and my own mental health. I still haven't figured out what to do for the former but for the latter, my own mind, I can write and try to stimulate conversation and education. At this point, it is all I can do other than pray.

God bless America. Please.

2005-09-01T01:26:00.000-05:00

I'm having trouble finding words for how I'm feeling right now so I'm going to try to figure things out by writing. I grew up with hurricanes. Some of my earliest memories are of losing power during Hurricane Hugo and watching the tree blow about as if they were no longer attached to the ground. Everytime a hurricane threatens any of the coasts, I glue myself to the news, the radio, and the internet to keep track of where it is headed. I had a hurricane tracking map (which of course was reusable throughout the season) on the wall so I could enter the coordinates and try to predict the path myself. But when Hugo came the biggest diaster I could see was that it was my brother's birthday and all of his icecream was melted. There was also an eruption in the yellow jacket population that year and we had to go down to my dad's work apartment in South Carolina for awhile because my granddad who was dying of cancer and visiting us at the time needed a heating pad at all times. I was five. I remember all those things but it was easy to get through because the entire world consisted of my family.

Now Hurricane Katrina has devastated other parts of my family. My Southern family, my American family, and my "family" I adopted along with a lot of my friends at NU in Jonestown, Mississippi. I also have an aunt and uncle in Lousiana not to far from New Orleans and even though no one has heard from them, my mom tells me not to worry to much. I was so happy today to talk to Erica because she also is worried about the people we met last year on Spring Break working for Habitat with our Catholic center. We met so many blessed people in this little town who don't even have a proper sewage system and most of the houses look like they were constructed out of hurricane wreckage to begin with. Jonestown is in the northern part of Mississippi but since Memphis, TN got a great amount of flooding and wind damage, I can only imagine that Jonestown got washed away. I wonder how Sister Kay is doing with her carpentry workshop and after school programs, and the Burnetts with the new church library. And what really gets to me is how helpless I feel.

I think I'm talking about Jonestown because it's a tangible part of this diaster I can hold on to. I really feel connected to Jonestown even after just a week of service work there. But at the same time I feel just as helpless about helping them as I feel about the entire region which was hit by this storm. I try not to watch the news reports much anymore because I just start crying. As I"m writing this I'm crying because I just finished reading about death tolls, damage estimates, cultural damage, and people who have lost many relatives. The NY Times article I read said that this could be the largest lost of life to a natural diaster since the San Francisco earthquake and fires in 1906. My favorite book when I was younger was about those fires and the earthquake and at the time I read that, I couldn't imagine anything worse.

I'm feeling a little small minded to because of the Tsunamis which hit last winter. Those were catastrophic as well and I know every year there are horrible natural diasters, not to mention the manmade ones, which devastate millions. My heart is with all those victims but despite what people may think about my political views, I'm a patriotic girl and when the people in my country are suffering, it means a lot to me. I won't go into how that supports my political views because frankly, hurricanes are nonpartisan and that's what I want to focus on.

It's all I can do not to walk across the street tomorrow and tell the registrar I'm dropping out of school so I can take a bus down to my South and help in any way I can - take care of orphaned children, pick up debris off the streets, anything. I won't drop out of school though because I am trying to hold on to that idea that with my education I will be given even greater opportunities to help people, which is my ultimate career goal in life - helping people. But even so, the immediate need to do something is hard to satisfy. I hardly have enough money most of the time to get by myself without asking my parents for money so financial aid is out of the question. I"m praying a lot so I've got that covered. But I still want to do something more. Crocheting scarfs and hats isn't going to do much since its 100 degrees down there and I don't even think they'd appreciate a nice blanket! Donating food poses the same problem as money and I'm a little to far to pick up an debris.

To me it seems a lot like how I felt after September 11th, honestly. That helplessness that we all experienced at first at how fast so many people died in so short a time. Of course anger set in later but initially the shock is all you can think about - even though that diaster was caused by human beings, the same helplessness was felt. In addition, I lived so far from NYC and DC that there didn't seem like much to do except pray and help collect supplies at school. I started volunteering at the Red Cross because I couldn't even donate my blood because I was "too young."

So I still can't find words for what I say. I have written a lot but I can only hope that out of my vague mutterings someone out there in the great big world can understand how helpless and unhelpful I feel. A few days ago my biggest worry was how to get all my stuff to my new apartment with my back injury. Now I'm more worried about how the city of New Orleans is ever going to recover and how those thousands of people with out jobs, homes, or anything are going to survive. I feel guilty for being alive and healthy in Chicago, away from that devastation, at a Big Ten school spending my nights in my dry, comfortable home.

So I'm going to bed now in hopes of getting some of this off my mind until tomorrow. I think I'm going to see if we can put together some kind of vigil or prayer service at Sheil for the victims of this storm as well as some sort of relief effort beyond collecting money on Sunday. And most of all, I want to see if Tim, our campus minister, can get ahold of our friends in Jonestown to see if there still is a Jonestown for us to go back to next spring.

...

2005-08-31T01:13:00.000-05:00

So I was looking at my test results and they make sense...but why fertility? Is it because I'm a nurturing type of person? And if so, why is my wand so good for hexes?

Anyways, this was just an interesting test I found off of Bekah's blog. It's kinda fun. Not one where you know what your result will be by the way each question is asked. Try it, it's a good way to procrastinate.

Goodnight!

I'm such a Harry Potter freak!

2005-08-31T01:12:00.000-05:00

12", Holly, Dragon
You scored 42 wisdom, 27 bravery, 21 emotional, and 22 martyrdom!

Holly is a powerful protective wood that good for use against evil, but it also represents dreams and fertility. Your dragon's heartstring core makes your wand very effective in hexes.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 42% on wisdom

You scored higher than 18% on bravery

You scored higher than 46% on emotional

You scored higher than 57% on martyrdom

Link: The Harry Potter Wand Test written by sputnik845 on Ok Cupid

PS

2005-08-30T00:38:00.000-05:00

In case I forget later, just wanted to update y'all on the research job. I'm not going to be able to take it because the professor emailed me back and she needs more hours than I can give. There is no way I'm quitting my job at the shops, injury or no injury, etc. I would love to research with her because she is working on Roman Catholic "guides to living" and stuff of interest but I just don't have time. Ginnie also tried to talk me out of it which helped a little.

g'night y'all

Wow

2005-08-30T00:25:00.000-05:00

I went to see a wonderful play (well, a staged reading of it) tonight produced by the Infamous Commonwealth Theater in Chicago. The title is Lobsters and Lifers (which I don't think you should change, for the record, Jacob) by Jacob Juntunen, a friend and NU grad student. And I promise I would have liked it a lot even if I didn't know Jacob (I promise). This is the kind of play that I would read and want to direct right away because of how thought provoking it is and how interesting the characters are. I love plays that don't give in to traditional character catagories and instead give us real people to watch on stage. In addition, I was really impressed by the expert handling of discussion on bipolor disorder/disease. More plays should have the courage to make the characters so real that they have diseases or traits that can bring out the worse in other characters (as far as stereotypes and ignorance are concerned). I wish I had more energy and coherance to write about it. But I don't and more importantly, my back feels like someone hit it with a sledge hammer repeatedly so I need to get horizontal before I scream in pain. But yes, I wish I could recommend you all go see the play but it was a one night event unfortunately, until it gets the full production it deserves. But if I have any theater producer friends out there, please produce this play. And give me a job. Thank you.

Goodnight y'all and sweet dreams.

Oh yeah, btw, if you are in Evanston this week and want to do me a big big big favor Friday night, I need help moving because my back injury is to a point now that if I lift more than a few pounds (and by few I really mean 2 or 3) my back gets that whole sledge hammer hit feeling and that is not good. Erica's coming in Friday morning so I am hoping to get all my stuff moved from my summer sublet to my new place by the end of Friday (starting after I get off work) so that I can start sleeping on a decent mattress and cook in a clean kitchen. But I can't get my stuff down the stairs and so if you're around and want to work on those arm muscles, send me an email. Thanks y'all!

two kinda "scary" things to share

2005-08-27T00:56:00.000-05:00

So i was just putzing around tonight online and I decided it would be fun to see what work-study jobs are available on campus this fall. Now why I decided to do this since I love my job at the TIC scene shop is still unknown to me. But I did and I found a job in the religion department which got me really "geeked up" and I actually wrote the professor about it! It's a research aide job (something I vaguely recall never wanting to do again) for the professor who is actually my prof for the comparative religion class I'm taking in the fall, Feminism and Fertility. The other three profs I've worked for were in departments that did not relate at all to my majors (although I thought the neuroscience one would be great since I love neuroscience but it was awful) so I can rectify considering this since it is the religion department. But still, why am I even considering another job, especially one that will require me to spend time at the library searching for books and making photocopies!

Here is my theory and my second "scary" confession. I love research. I can't get enough of it. I was looking through some of my old papers in case this professor wants to see some of my writing and I got all jittery at the thought of getting to write some more 11 page research papers this fall! I love reading and I love research and the prospect of working with a professor is great. The other thing is that the job posting said "finding AND evaluating articles and books." The evaluating part is something none of my other profs i worked for even asked me to consider doing. I was just a fetch and carry girl to them.

So, I'm not quitting my scene shop job because it would break my heart and I love building things too much. However, I was having trouble figuring out where in my schedule to fit in the shop hours (since that job requires chunks of time during specific hours) anyways so it would actually help to be able to cut back on those to about 6 hours a week and fill in the rest with a second job. Research aide jobs are usually much more flexible since the library is open many hours and you usually just have to check in for an hour or two a week with the professor to update him or her on research and be told what they need. So I think I really would like to take this on if its not going to be too many hours.

Give me advice, people, because I am worried that my geekiness about research and religion is blinding me into doing something stupid again. I will add, however, that I did drop my fifth class (Arabic) officially now just because of the work problem and so I could take Pysch so my class schedule is lighter. The not SMing thing will also make things easier. But am I being silly in wanting to do this? HELP!

You know I blame this dilemma on all the wonderful mentors and teachers I've had for my writing throughout the years (Mr. Whiteside, Jacob, Mom and Dad (well, teachers more than writers...), Mr. Joyce, etc). That "Research Opportunity of a Lifetime" assignment Mr. Whiteside gave us in 11th grade was just the beginning of a long journey into research wonderland.

Argh, so many choices, so little time!

Night, y'all. May your future look less confusing than mine. Amen.

I love Greek Tragedy!!!

2005-08-24T23:44:00.000-05:00

So if you've been keeping track of my summer reading list, I've moved on from Aeschylus, having finished the Orestia, and started on Sophocle's Oedipus Cycle, which contains the only Greek play I had read before this summer, Oedipus Rex aka King Oedipus aka Oedipus the King. I read Oedipus Rex in 10th grade at NWSA and as I clung to every page last night finishing it for the second time, I remembered that this love of Greek Tragedy is nothing new. I remember thinking in high school that if I had time, I would read the other two plays in the cycle but unfortunatly I never got that time. (Side note: I just started reading a fiction novel by another high school English class author - Libra by Don Delillo, author of the magnificent book White Noise).

So I've obviously always loved Greek tragedy and I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to rediscover it! Having a good translation helps (for the Theban plays I'm reading E. F. Watlin, translated for Penguin Classics which I like a lot better than the acclaimed David Grene translation of Oedipus Rex) but the drama is enough in itself I think these plays speak to that part of me which has always been labeled "over dramatic" and "over the top." The parts of me which morph into extreme passion when I'm discussing war or depression or poverty, AIDS, etc. Oedipus broke many natural laws but since he did so unwittingly, one would assume he could forgive himself. Instead, his sins are so great to him he gouges out his own eyes!!! Mr. Whiteside, back in 10th grade English, made us all take our fingers and lightly touch our nails to the white of our eye. It didn't hurt but it sure was sensitive, proving the point that going further and actually gouging out our eyeballs would be extremely painful. Oedipus's punishment of himself seems extreme until you take into consideration the gods, lore, and prophecy surrounding the lives of these characters! They hold themselves accountable for their actions do to great faith in something they believe in. That is what we can learn from the Greeks. In Aeschylus I found a lot about the futility of violence and war. In Sophocles I'm finding a lot about trust and conviction - staying true to your soul and your beliefs.

That's enough Greek for tonight.

'night y'all!

And another one

2005-08-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

This is the Chicago Sun Times review. I don't think they require you to register like the Trib does so you can just go click on the link yourself. I'm very excited about these two reviews being so good because of two reasons.

1. Neither of them mentioned anything technical. This is always a wonderful sign. The stage management team is much happier when ignored in reviews. It means things went right!

2. As I was in charge of all script changes, keeping them organized, and making sure the actors said the right things, I take a little joy from the good review of Gregg and Jack, two wonderful writers who were great to work with.

So, as the reviews show, the performances this weekend went really well! There were a few tech problems but if the critics didn't notice them, I don't really care. We did a good job covering for them. I spent most of the first act yesterday tightening all the chairs we had. That was fun until I accidently dropped the key (a hex tool) down the fly rail. Miraculously we were able to retrieve it but I felt a little stupid.

Opening night was officially Saturday night and an odd thing happened for me. I wasn't excited, nervous, happy, sad, anticipatory, or anything! This is a bad sign because of some advice my voice teacher gave me a long time ago. She told me once that if you ever don't feel the butterflies before a performance, then you should take it as a sign you're not doing something right or that theater is not for you. I've always respected those words a lot because up to now I've never had a problem with feeling butterflies. But even as I write this and as I read all the reviews this morning, it is almost as if this weekend was just a normal weekend where I sat around doing nothing.

I'm trying not to interpret too much in this but I am going to take into consideration some more recent advice a good friend gave me. When I was telling her how I was really upset with the way I was being treated by my director and SM in this show and how it was making me bitter, just as the producer problems with SLM made me bitter, she suggested that maybe I should take a little break from stage managing this year and pick it up again senior year. This would also give me more time to explore directing and start the political theater company. It's a really good idea and I'm seriously considering it. It wouldn't really hurt my resume at all because I have good reference and have lots of experience now. So yeah, that's the update on that.

In other news, I got more theater tickets for BEHIV today! I now have two theaters, the Court Theater and American Theater Co. which have promised me as many tickets to previews for our clients as we need! All we have to do is call up ahead of time and tell them how many we are bringing! This is really exciting to me because it is something I can still work on this fall for BEHIV as a volunteer without having to find time to go to the office a lot. It's mostly a phone and email thing. This project means a lot to me because as you all know, I believe theater can change lives and maybe even the world. So by bringing theater to people who are struggling with a devastating and socially unaccepted (in many cases) disease is, in my opinion, doing something valuable for their lives. The thing I've learned over my years of volunteer work is that nothing you do as a volunteer for good organizations is too small. At the Red Cross I greeted people and helped them check in. I haven't been able to give a lot of my own blood but at least I made those people without abnormally high pulses feel comfortable. I'm not writing this to toot my own horn. I've just heard a lot of people complain about how they feel like they aren't doing anything important when they volunteer sometimes. When we were in Jonestown, Mississippi for Spring Break, some people complained that because of the poor organization of Habitat in Jonestown, it didn't feel like we were doing as much as we should be. But we made so many people happy that week, we showed them that our generation does have hope, and painting a few walls means a lot to the people who have to look at those walls everyday! That's why I smile at the panhandlers who may truly be creeps everyday. Because maybe they would use money for alcohol and drugs but a smile doesn't really have any side effects.

That's my philosophy and that's the update on my life.

Ciao!

The Reviews are In!

2005-08-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

CLASSICAL MUSIC REVIEW
Refreshing `Merry Widow' is a delight

By John von Rhein
Tribune music critic
August 22, 2005

"The Merry Widow" will turn 100 later this year, but you would never guess as much from the frisky charm the old girl continues to exude. Many listeners consider Franz Lehar's tuneful operetta the greatest Viennese confection of its kind. You won't get any argument from me after seeing Light Opera Works' engaging new production, which settled into a weeklong run Saturday in Evanston's Cahn Auditorium.

The show is directed and choreographed with a light touch -- neither too jokey nor too sentimental -- by Rudy Hogenmiller, in his first assignment with the company since taking over as artistic director earlier this year. He has assembled a strong cast that sings and kicks up its collective heels with equal pizazz and an orchestra under the stylish conductor Pasquale Laurino that allows Lehar's waltzes, can-cans and wistful ballads to work their insidious magic on the ear.

The plot revolves around the efforts of the diplomats and emigres of Pontevedro, a fictional Balkan state, to marry off Hanna Glawari, a filthy-rich widow, to a fellow countryman so the nation can avert bankruptcy. Baron Zeta, the ambassador to Paris, has targeted Count Danilo, a playboy who was an old flame of Hanna's. Assigned to keep her from marrying a Frenchman, Danilo comes to realize, as Hanna always has known, that he loves her. Only at the end does she learn whether Danilo loves her for her money or herself.

The eponymous role of Hanna often is assigned to singers past their shelf lives vocally. So, it was wonderful to have the role sung by a fresh-voiced and attractive young soprano, Stacey Tappan.

One of the star recent graduates of the Lyric Opera Center for American Artists, Tappan sang divinely, looked glamorous in a succession of elegant gowns and, like most of the cast, delivered her spoken lines with conversational ease. She caught just the right tone of rapturous sadness in Hanna's "Vilja" Song, capped off with a lovely diminuendo on the high note.

She and Larry Adams, the dashing Danilo, sent sparks flying each time their characters met. Adams, an accomplished area music-theater performer who was making his company debut, proved as smooth on his dancing feet as he was pouring out his virile baritone.

The perky, bright-voiced soprano Sharon Quattrin as Valencienne and the boyishly ardent tenor Colm Fitzmaurice as Camille were good as the other romantic duo, although Fitzmaurice's voice sounded rather tight. Roger Mueller struck the proper note of fatuous pomposity as the almost-cuckold, Baron Zeta. The diminutive Geoffrey Plitt was cute as a button in the clerk Njegus' vaudeville-style set-piece, and Jeff R. Jones and Todd R. Wedge made an amusing pair of scoundrels vying for Hanna's hand.

A witty new translation by Chicagoans Gregg Opelka and Jack Helbig steered clear, for the most part, of the ham-handedness to which many versions succumb. There was, however, one labored touch involving a lady's fan on which Camille had written "I love you" to Valencienne. The line "Ah, English, the language of love!" was funny the first time we heard it but became just annoying when it was later repeated, over and over, by various cast members."The Merry Widow" repeats at 2 p.m. Wednesday and Sunday, and 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday. Phone 847-869-6300.-

---------jvonrhein@tribune.com
Copyright © 2005, Chicago Tribune

ah confusion...

2005-08-19T22:48:00.000-05:00

So it's been one crazy week! My show opens tomorrow, I injured my back on Tuesday, I quit my BEHIV job on Thursday (in the work-study capacity. I'm going to do some volunteer work still with the theater tickets project and other stuff), I made some major decisions about my life and health on Wednesday, and I found a great used bookstore on Monday! What a week!

I'm exhausted from the easiest tech week I have ever been a part of. There was just a lot of rehearsal to go to and getting sick and injured did not help. But I'm loving the show. I got to hear the cast sing with the orchestra today and it was absolutely amazing. A 32-piece orchestra AND a theatrical production in one place! Wow! This is the type of show I want people who don't normally go to theater to see because it really does capture the magic that can be created in a theater space. Perhaps not the elements of changing the world which I like a lot in theater but enough to touch people's hearts and souls. Theater doesn't have to be political or thought-provoking to be powerful. I just wish I could sit in the house for one performance so I could see this show. The lights look beautiful even from my offstage perch and it sounds amzing as always.

In other news - I'm still laboring away on the blanket I"m making my brother and sister-in-law for their wedding. I'm now averaging about one piece a night at the theater which is great. But it brought up that whole "Oh look at Emily the feminist who's so utterly domestic." My straight male wig-maker budy and I were talking about nature vs. nurture in these things and stereotypes and I brought up that there would be nothing "funny" about my love of crocheting, ironing, and cooking if society didn't hold so many stereotypes of women and what a "woman's role" really is. Then I was talking to a good friend who will remain nameless so my future roomie who is dating him won't tease him (hahaha too late) and he happens to be one of those people who finds it very funny that I can simultaneously crochet and spurt about women's lib etc. I didn't have a good comeback to our conversation tonight for some reason (I'm blaming it on the common cold) but I have it now. Crocheting is not something feminism was trying to eliminate from a woman's role or life. Instead, feminism is the movement to make it acceptable for a woman to be able to CHOOSE to crochet or cook or be a doctor or actress or lawyer or stay at home mom! I choose to cook dinner for my friends, including my male friends, but I don't cook because it is expected of me, I cook because I choose to and I enjoy it. Ha. I know you didn't mean anything by your chuckles. I just like thinking of good "comebacks." I rarely think of them in the midst of the conversation, which disappoints me. Oh well, that's life.

Well, I've got big day planned for tomorrow: Hit the farmer's market in the morning for some fresh fruit, head downtown or to Belmont to find a shirt to wear with my hot new skirt for the big opening night party tomorrow night (I will dress up even if I am the only one there sans date) and then off to run a wonderful show with absolutely no tech problems, broken fans, stained costumes, falling set pieces, or spilled ginger ale. None at all.

Come see the show. It's worth your time and money. And I might cook you dinner afterwards if you talk to me nice.

Ha.

And even more important than everything I just wrote...

2005-08-15T00:49:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Sis!!!!!!!!!

I love you and hope you have a blessed and wonderful day in your new home and new city!!

an "enlightened" state of confusion? please?

2005-08-15T00:34:00.000-05:00

I had a great day today, spent with my dear friend Belinda from Sheil. What started out as just lunch ended up in driving to the mall to find my elusive black cargoish/durable pants followed by catching 5pm mass (as I chose to sleep in this morning) at St. Athanasius. When I finally got home, my day off was half over and I wasn't even to sad about it! As my friends and family know, I often need some "alone" time to unwind and destress but I did pretty well today having to socialize. You know, that sounds really sad (having to get away from people) but it really does describe how I function. I have to take time off from people or I'll start yelling at them or being overly sarcastic. I guess I should work on that.

When I logged on today to update, I realized how appropriate the title of my blog has become. I actually stole it from my Governor's school drama teacher, Marc, who stole it from somebody famous I think. We were supposed to have it written on our GSW shirts but the director of GSW decided "confusion" was too negative for this state-run camp for the academically gifted and therefore the drama major who designed our shirts had to change it to "in search of an enlightened state of being." Personally, I think the two words are pretty synonymous in many cases and it really wouldn't have mattered if we had "confusion" on our shirts.

Because I'm realizing, slowly, that life or my "state of being" is a constant search for clarity among confusion. Maybe that's the depression talking but I don't think that's really affecting me right now. What is affecting me is the seemingly random events in my life, the friends I make, the people I encounter, which all seem like scattered dots on a plane (as in one of those line graphs from geometry) but eventually form some sort of order or pattern. That's the confusion and the "enlightened state of confusion" is when all those little scattered dots seem to make even a little sense (aren't you proud of your semi-mathematical daughter, Mom?). Sometimes they only make sense for an instance and then the mind somehow manages to forget it but at least for a moment you know that everything makes sense. I'm sure there is some great philosophical school of thought about how there is no such thing as randomness but I really don't want to get into that. As all things on the blog are, it's just an observation of my life. The events of a few nights ago seemed really random but now I see the "ripple effect" in my mind of how that creep on the El platform indirectly influenced (in a good way) future choices. It's all about seeing through the confusion. It's pretty frustrating a lot of the time, and as the other night proved, slightly scary at other times. But oh well, that's life and there will always be "confusion" and such for us to encounter with every step we take into clarity. Makes life hard but hey, that is where evolution has taken us.

I've had a very thoughtful day off (after 7 hours in spacing rehearsal at Cahn with no AC yesterday) and look forward to those long hours in tech tomorrow where I don't have to do a damn thing. I love the show and I'm actually looking forward to starting tech. That's how you know, apparently, that you will make an okay SM.

Goodnight, y'all, and I hope to write more soon despite tech week starting.

scared, relieved, and exhausted

2005-08-12T01:04:00.000-05:00

I think my day can officially qualify as bad. I'm not even going to get into everything which made today awful because it was the "icing on the bad day cake" tonight which still has me a little shaky and I'm going to ask you for some "help."

As many of you know, I have been riding the El back and forth to rehearsals in Chicago (but the north side at least) for the past month or so (five weeks to be exact). Getting there is always fine because it's rush hour and daylight. But at night I catch the El at a "sketchy" stop but I've always felt safe because I walk there with a friend and there are always a lot of "normal" looking people waiting there as well. Once I get to Evanston, it's a piece of cake. I really have never felt scared riding the El at night alone until last night. And then tonight happened as well.

I hestitated about writing about this on my blog because I don't want my family (or friends for that matter) to worry about my safety because I do take a lot of precautions and I will be safe. But I need to talk about what happened because it has affected my "world view" a little. BUT I AM OKAY so don't worry about me. I only have one more rehearsal out of Evanston to go to and my friend (the SM) will be driving me to the safer El stop near her apartment. So you can only read on if you promise not to get excessively worried or call me and lecture me for doing this alone (sorry, but I have no other choice...)

So last night I was sitting at Wilson waiting for my train to arrive when two guys (I didn't even really look at them) came up the stairs yelling about something. They sat on the bench behind me facing the opposite direction so I could hear everything. One of them was extremely upset, talking about some girl who had been "treachorous" and "deceitful" and he was saying how he would "beat the ass" of any girl who tried to trick him again etc etc. Most of the other stuff he said I will not repeat. I was petrified because at one point, one of them asked me for the time, I gave it to him, and it was apparently different from what the angry guy had and he started going on about "that's what I'm talking about! Women *****" They didn't come back over to my side or anything but I was scared to move for about 10 minutes (my train was about half an hour late. Again). The scariest part was when he said something about "killing that ******** if she tried to pull anything like that again" and I just started praying. I eventually felt like they had forgotten about me and I got up and went to stand next to the nice old lady down the platform.

That was last night and that was bad enough. But I let it roll off me since I have had okay experiences every other time. But tonight happened and I am relieved I won't ever have to wait at the Wilson stop again. Amanda and I were discussing tech week issues and the meetings we are having tomorrow when a strange man came and tapped me on the shoulder and sat down next to me. I immediately turned around and said "Excuse me, don't touch me, " to which he replied with something to the affect of "why not?" Me: "Because I don't know you at all and I don't want you touching me." He then got all defensive and said he sat down next to me so he could get to know me. I told him I didn't have time to talk to him because he interrupted my conversation and I didn't want to talk to him.

A normal person would have stood up and walked away but there was something seriously wrong with this man. Amanda and I ignored him for awhile but he kept interrupting and trying to find out things about me like where I went to school, where I work, and my name. I of course didn't tell him anything and made it clear I wanted him to go away. After about the thrid time he butted in, Amanda called my phone discreetly, hoping that if I started up a cell phone conversation he would go away. No luck. Right before the train came was the scariest though. He said he just wanted to have a "mutual relationship" with me and when I said I wasn't interested in ever seeing him again he replied with "well, it doesn't really matter what I want because I am going to see you in the near future, I just feel it" If Amanda's train and my train hadn't come at that point, simulataneously, she would have grabbed me and we would have gone to find the nearest CTA worker or cop. But the trains came and somehow we managed to make him think we were going North but then both got on the South train and watched him go the opposite way as we got on. I rode down to Amanda's stop and she waited with me until my north bound train came. We talked a lot about how freaky that man was which helped but I was still in my "strong" mode and I didn't break down until I got on the El and got ahold of my sister.

I guess one of the reasons I decided to put this on my blog is as a cautionary tale because I have certainly learned my lesson. I felt safe for over 4 weeks doing this same routine every night after rehearsal. But I think that gave me a false sense of security and I hope that by sharing this experience, I make it clear to my friends etc that that security sometimes is false. I had procrastinated on getting any pepper spray or taking a self-defense class because I thought nothing would happen to me. But two nights in a row I had close calls. I really am planning on taking some self defense classes now, perhaps some kind of martial arts, I have to do some research to see what is offered around here. I think that if I had screamed, someone would have come to help Amanda and me but it would be nice to know that I had more defense than just wordplay, lies, and improvisation.

On Monday I went to the library and picked up a great book called "Drama as Therapy and Theater as Living," a intro-type text to dramatherapy. For the last few days I've been exploring this new career possibility, reading about how theater can help the abused, mentally ill, and incarcerated. And I've been thinking a lot about helping people, in particular those people in rehab or in prison. But then after tonight, it is hard for me to remember why I have so much faith in people being able to change for the better. I was so upset after the incident tonight more for the faith and innocence I lost, not event itself. Why do I want to help people when people are so screwed up and are just waiting to take advantage of anyone with a nice smile.

I smile at the homeless people in Evanston and my friend Dennis, who is homeless but very sweet (I've known him for almost 2 years now) always thanks me just for smiling. But right now I have this doubt about what the point of smiling is when that smile can be reinterpreted as an invitation. It's a blow to my optimism and my faith in humanity. I promise not to lose all of that just because of a jerk on the El, I just need a little reminding of why I want to help people, especially those who may not even want help yet. So that is the "help" I mentioned needing above. Remind me why I love service work and why I don't want to go live in a secluded cabin the mountains for the rest of my life with just my cats for company.

I think that's all I have to say for tonight. Again, please don't worry about me. I'm upset, yes, but not physically hurt.

Just so you all know, I did try to post the other day. But then it disappeared cause I hit something wrong. I will hopefully have energy to post more this weekend during my time off. I really want to discuss what I'm learning about drama therapy because it's quite intriguing. Jacob, you in particular would be interested in some of this book I'm reading because I have already encountered numerous names which relate back to our social justice reading. Boal of course, Artaud, Innes ( I really remember reading Innes...) and more. SO interesting. I can't wait to read more. I'm into the history of the development of dramatherapy now.

Okay, I could write forever but I need sleep too. But writing is calming and I needed that.

Goodnight.

calm now

2005-08-08T11:49:00.000-05:00

I've calmed down a bit since the last post. A little update on that, though, is in order. I am going today to close my USBank account and open one at a more customer friendly bank in e-town. At the rehearsal the next day, things went a lot better and the SM apparently holds no hard feelings. Good for her.

I officially dropped one of my directing classes (the one I can pick up in the winter or spring) and added Psych 110 to my schedule. Big leap but I did it. It was hard for me to do since the directing class, which I probably would have dropped anyways since i'd have 5 classes even without Psych, had only 15 people in and I dropped that for a huge lecture class! I hate doing that but I've got to learn somehow and if it takes big lectures to get a background in Psych, I will do it. I'll probably also end up dropping Arabic because I looked forward through the next two years and if I keep my double major and plan to take 3 or 4 psych classes, there is not enough room to take a full two years of Arabic, which makes it kind of pointless. So I am accepting the changes in plans and moving on.

I saw a wonderful movie a couple nights ago, A Very Long Engagement with Audrey Tautou. I recommend it even though it is slightly confusing at points and is not the best movie ever seen. But what I really loved was Tautou's character. The hero of this movie was definately a female and it wasn't a female seen through a masculine visage either. She was the central focus instead of being an auxiliary character used to further the plot for the male, which, as I have discussed previously, is usually the role for the female character. I have been trying to figure out how this movie would go over with my male friends and frankly, I'm not sure. It is not as much of a love story as I expected and instead is more about war! It was very gruesome at points because it is basically about Tautou's quest to find the truth surrounding a certain chain of events in one of the trenches in WWI. There are of course many men as central characters because it is about the war but the difference between this and other war movies I have seen is that it is told and visualized through the eyes of a woman. It is a beautiful movie which is why i recommend it.

Also this week I started watching the series Firefly on DVD, on my sister's recommendation. It really is a fascinating show. The interesting thing was that the "pilot" of the series began with a huge war/battle scene which reminded me a lot of images in movies about WWI and WWII. It was a heart wrenching scene because it depicted the losing side losing their last battle (basically) and the despair those soldiers felt. Very emotional. Then a couple nights later I was flipping through channels and stopped at the History Channel which was playing a documentary on the bombing of Hiroshima.

After all that, I wanted to cry.

If there is one thing that tears at my heart more than anything else, it is war. I see images or read books, or hear veterans and victims speak and I get choked up. When I think of the things my grandfathers went through in WWII or what my friends in the Army and Navy have gone or might go through, I want to curl up in my bed and stay there forever. The documentary on Hiroshima was doubly upsetting because not only did it follow the experiences of those poor men charged with dropping the bomb that would kill millions and continues to affect our world, they spent time talking about innocent victims in Hiroshima who could not even suspect what was going to happen to them on that sunny day.

This is why I am against war - for all the victims of war, both our soldiers and the other side. I can see that sometimes war is inevitable and is a means to an end but I don't think I am required to also applaud those people who order it. In both A Very Long Engagement and in Firefly, the images of the battlefield were so absurd! There are a bunch of men (and women in Firefly) running across landscapes with big guns shooting at people they can't even see! And this is supposed to resolve conflict?? The people who are actually conflicting are miles away in their mansions giving the orders! Of course, I know it is countries that are in conflict but the reason for war, as well as the orders for war, seem so far removed from the actual act of war. This is why I also tell people that although I am against the war in Iraq, I support our troops! They are following orders and fighting for our country in a cause they are told is good and right. Some of the soldiers DON'T believe this war is right but they made a committment they won't back out of and I support them too! What I don't support about the war is the cost of human lives when there were other ways. I know people disagree about whether or not there were other ways but I will continue to believe that. The war was also started on false pretences of 9/11 connections and weapons of mass destruction. I'm against that too. What we have now is a wasting of human lives in an absurd battlefield, started for reasons which no longer exist. But we can't just leave now because we have caused too much of a mess at this point!

Obviously, the subject riles me up a little. I really didn't mean to write this much but ever since seeing those movies and shows, I've been wanting to write about how I feel about war. I think what I wrote above pretty much sums it up and as always, I understand my own views a little more after writing about them. Today I plan to go read some more Greek Tragedy and maybe write a letter to a good friend who is on his ship this week, serving in the US Navy. All I can do is thank my friends and family members who serve or have served in the military for their brave loyalty. I just wish there was not so much work for them at the moment.

Peace,
Em

anger warning!

2005-08-04T23:49:00.000-05:00

Today was surprising. I had a better day when I was doing data entry at BEHIV than I did after I got off work and eventually went to rehearsal.

I'm going to make this short and sweet: USBank has the worst customer "service" of any bank or actually, any store, church, organization, institution, etc etc that I have come across. They can go to that not so lovely place that does NOT have the harping angels and fluffy white clouds.

Secondly, I will try to "back off" in rehearsals and let my inner bitch go into hiding. But I will not be happy to sit by quietly and let someone's insecurity and ineptitude ruin a show I am starting to love. If someone needs to yell "quiet" and half an hour later it is still noisy and obnoxious, I will yell it at the top of my lungs, no matter whose "laid back" sensibilities I offend. (Basically my SM told me tonight that I was undermining her authority by telling the cast to be quiet, giving them notes before she gave her announcements, and basically, doing what I am there to do... I wouldn't have to tell the cast that "hold means STOP" if she had yelled "hold" loud enough for anyone more than 2 feet away to hear (especially after the third time she yelled it...))

Someone told me a long time ago, jokingly, that I was too smart for my own good. I never really understood how that worked out but I'm beginning to see it now. Barbara, the SM prof queen, taught her SMs so well that we know too much for our own good. She trained us not to take mediocrity as an answer but unfortunately, that's all most of the world is willing to work for. As a result, I get yelled at.

Oh yeah, and I'm less than a hundred pages from the end of Harry Potter 6. I'm going to go finish it now while I'm already close to sobbing some more and then I can just cry myself to sleep, which will hopefully make me forget how damn hot it is in this apartment!

Goodnight and happy AC to all.

grumble grumble grumble

2005-08-03T23:00:00.000-05:00

So I was doing some email crap tonight and I honestly convinced myself for about 20 minutes that tonight was next Sunday night and we had already had all four rehearsals this week. But I puzzled over it for awhile, trying to fill in those two rehearsals that have not actually happened and I figured it out eventually.

So this is all to say that it's been a looooong week. I had a good day at BEHIV today though. Brad, the director, got me to help him organize his files and I had FUN doing it! They can't understand over there that organizing random stuff thrills me in a strange way, at least when I'm in SM mode. So I did more organizing and filing. I also talked to someone who was VERY enthusiastic about joining team BEHIV for the Chicago AIDS Run/Walk (btw, let me know if you are interested in participating. It's Sept 17 and I can get you more info and a registration form).

The best part of work today, though, was getting a 45 minute full body massage. My body is still feeling relaxed from that. To explain, BEHIV provides massage therapy to clients and when they cancel or don't show up, the massage therapist grabs staff members and gives them massages. Its a really nice reward for the not so intriguing work I do for them. I am definately enjoying this job more though. I'm getting to know the staff and some of the clients and I am going to actually miss them when I leave in a month! I'm going to try to volunteer for them though. I'll find a way to stay involved.

Other than that, its been a relaxed Wednesday. I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Aaron tonight which was fun. We had a good time and laughed A LOT. My favorite part was a little good old-fashioned slapstick by the wonderful Johnny Depp.

Now I"m just trying not to bake in this horribly hot apartment while watching the latest episode of my current favorite show, The 4400. I fell asleep while trying to watch it on Sunday night because my family wore me out. Hopefully the massage didn't relax me so much I'll fall asleep again tonight... Oh well!

Hope everyone is having a great summer and staying cooler than I am! Really the best part of the movie was, sadly, being inside with AC for awhile. That's how bad it is at the moment because the movie was great too!

stupid ageist society

2005-08-02T23:24:00.001-05:00

So a couple cast members found out I'm "only" twenty tonight at rehearsal. A bunch of people were going out for drinks afterwards and Amanda turned to me and said "you could probably come too. I think they serve food too," which set off a rumble of "wait, how old are you" comments. Then we were also talking to one of the principles about something and I mentioned I still had two years left in school, to which she replied "Get out! No way!" Apparently it is unthinkable that an ASM of a professional production could be "only" twenty years old. I don't think I look older or anything but apparently everyone thinks I'm approaching middle age! (okay, that's a slight exaggeration).

I don't know why the cast's reaction to my age set me off the way it did. It's not as though they will stop respecting me or treat me differently. If anything they will respect me more because the job I am doing for "someone my age" is impressive. What bugs me, however, is the stigma against socializing with a 20-year old or someone who is still an undergrad. It's not may fault that I am only 20. I can't really do anything about that. I also can't really help having two years left in school, short of dropping my double major and graduating next spring (which would actually be possible...). Age means NOTHING when it comes to your experiences, maturity, and outlook on life. There are certainly stereotypes about different age groups and perhaps even factual trends but they do not apply to ALL people of a certain age! Not all 2 years olds are "terrible" and not all 90 year olds are senile! Ageism can be just as bad as racism and sexism! Obviously I am not psychologically damaged or anything by the reactions I get to being barely in my twenties. I'm simply annoyed that society even cares so much. Maybe its just the fact that I'm a few months shy of being able to legally drink or even go into those 21+ only bars. However, I think its more the stereotypes of college students and young adults. I have a friend who is barely 18 but is more mature and has had more life experience than most college seniors I have met. Obviously her age does not matter, although society might assume she would be immature and reckless.

There, I feel better now. Catharsis accomplished. Seriously, though, ageism is a societal problem which often gets overlooked and I myself have found myself guilty of it in many circumstances. But at least I'm becoming aware of it. As I said, I'm was not harmed in any way but it is just an demonstration of yet another flaw of American society. I'd be interested in seeing how ageism functions in other countries, especially those with different economic and social structures.

That's all for tonight. I finally finished Riddlemaster, which is a great book with lots of interesting themes and symbols. Written by Patricia McKillip, it has beautiful language and images as well as complex characters. The definition of a riddle she introduces is very foreign at first but by the end of the third book, riddling was the glue of the story which made sense, (unlike that sentence, most likely...it's late...). In other words, part of the book focused on teaching us how to answer riddles, the hard questions in life which involve knowledge, wisdom, and most importantly, HISTORY. I loved the book but am glad I'm finished because I am not free to move on to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince! Harry Potter is a much faster read so probably in the next few days I'll have an update on what books I'm working on. I should probably go back to the Greeks, with a little over a month left to finish before Acting begins!

Goodnight, y'all! Sweet riddling dreams to all!

third times the charm...

2005-07-28T23:30:00.000-05:00

I know all of you have been wondering why it's been almost a WEEK since I've posted! IT'S NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING!!!

Monday I had a really bad day and wrote a really sad, garbled post that was so convoluted I decided it would not be understood and was way to personal. It was quite a cathartic experience to just write it down and I of course closed the window before I thought "wow, Emily, you might want to at least save that for you to read later!" Instead, it is gone forever. The basic gist was good though: I have recently forgotton to be good to myself which is probably why when other people tried to treat me very well, I got pissed off. I just wasn't used to being on that side of the "nurturing." It was more complicated than that but I think that's all I've got to write now.

Tuesday night I was feeling much better so I decided to write a nice post about the awesome Theology on Tap discussion we had at Sheil on Sunday night. We had a speaker talk on the topic of "When the Heart Speaks, Take Good Notes: Spirituality in Everyday Life." I had some major "aha!" moments and wrote all about them Tuesday night! Then I accidently hit some stupid shortcut key which "navigated" away from the page without saving, and thus I lost a REALLY long post, half of which was a rehash of the Monday post and the other about spirituality! So the rehash of that post is this: Spirituality is not much if you are selfish and won't let other people in on it. That's a nice colloquial way of putting it, I suppose. Joanne Cahoon, our speaker, quoted one of her Jesuit teachers as saying "we have the right to the Christ in one another's heart." Interesting way of putting it, I thought. How I interpret it is that through baptism, we are joined with all other baptized people in this great community which (in an ideal world/situation) revolves around spirituality and understanding. It is a responsibility of all the community members to share with others and it is a right for all community members to have that information shared with them! That is really not gramatically correct but it is the end of another 12-hour day and I can't put it more succinctly at the moment. I hope how I put it doesn't sound pompous or anything. Its just me trying to figure out what spirituality in everday life means

Which is something else that came up! I actually mentioned my block when discussing with my table because we got on the topic of sharing with others. We decided that in order to grow spiritually, you have to share your ideas with others, listen to their ideas, and then modify as needed. It's basically what I do with my blog. I love to get comments because I know someone else is listening and I also get something else to consider, many times! Even if no one reads this,however, it would still be helping me grow spiritually (as well as intellectually) because writing clarifies ideas in my mind. It is easier to listen to your heart when you..."take good notes..." I go back and read stuff I wrote earlier to try to figure out what I thought or felt about particular ideas and such. There is so much going on in my mind, as I'm sure you can relate to, that it just helps to put it on paper (or computer screen...) to get it out of the mind and make room for some other stuff. It's like defragging your harddrive!!!! I just figured that out!!! You write it down, consider what you wrote, and then put it back in your mind in a more organized fashion!!

In fact, I really could have just summed up the last two paragraphs by saying "share what you know, write down what you feel, and eventually you will be able to run smoother, just like a computer that just went through a defrag program."

Wow, the metaphors I've been coming up with the last couple days are CRAZY! I'll have to see what my CS friends think of my interpretation of defragging though..

So, I think I actually just rewrote the Tuesday post above. What a surprise. I meant to sum it up better but it's late and I like to write.

Here are some other things I wanted to write about (I was planning this post on the El ride home...):

I bought new shoes today. They are RED! I almost got the same style in black instead, since they would obviously compliment more outfits...but I decided to get the FUN color and I'm glad I did. I smiled everytime I looked down at my feet, and they made me feel special in a room full of opera/acting/dancing divas at rehearsal, which is a hard thing to do (notice the word "diva"...) In addition, an adorable little girl with pigtails on the El told me she really liked my shoes. I told her I really liked hers because of the little embroidered daisies on hers. This was after she asked her mom if it was okay to wave at me (Family people: "Ne-ver talk to strange---ers..." it's hard to write that "song" in text only...but I"m sure the four of you got it...hehehe). Oh yeah, and they are definately the most comfortable shoes I own now, other than by Birkenstocks, and they were WAY discounted. All things which make me happy...
At rehearsal tonight, I played the role of "Baron Zeta" and it was fun. I never did get my lines right but hey, it was a difficult song and I"m really not a baritone....I made people laugh though which is always delightful! They found my playing a middle-aged baritone character with a thick "Pontevedrian" accent quite funny...especially since I"m just a lowly ASM...
Carrots are great when you're thirsty.
I finally saw where I'm going to live next year! I love it! I can lie in bed, literally, and just watch the sunset out of my huge window! Yay! Plus I have a real kitchen and a great friend to live with!
I'm going to probably take Psych 110 instead of Arabic in the fall :-( Something had to go if I want to do drama therapy. And it had to be the one class I was not taking for one of my majors. I learn Arabic later! The FBI and CIA pay for you to take it if they recruit you. So I'll just do it then...
I'm in a good mood.
I think that because I'm already up to #7, I should think of a few more things for this long post.
Oh! I am way too attached to books. I had my sister and mom pack up some books to bring me. As my sister was reading me the titles of what she has for me (My complete Oscar Wilde book, Bel Canto, Frankenstein, etc...) I started salivating. Then I caught myself later justifying my failure to read HP6 yet with the fact that (and this is a direct quote from my thought process...) "It just wouldn't be fair to the other books I haven't finished yet if I neglected them for Harry Potter." Yeah. I stopped walking at that point and thought of how my mother is going to laugh at me for that one...
I'm going to World Market on Saturday to get a basket from my crocheting. I have yarn and crochet pieces for my brother and sister-in-law's wedding present all over the apartment and I think it is getting on my roommates nerves...
I miss my tamarins at the Lincoln Park Zoo...I think a visit there is in order. Very soon...

Wow, I commend and thank you for reading this far. Especially after the top ten of random thoughts in my head listed above.

AND I DIDN'T DELETE THIS POST TODAY! WOW!

Ciao, y'all. Talk to you soon!

Emily

In America and Drama Therapy

2005-07-23T20:33:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching the movie In America which I highly recommend to all. I thought it was going to be more depressing in the end, based on everything I had heard, but it is a really uplifting movie! Granted, it did make me sob, but I feel so much better about life now that I've watched it. Basically I've had a rough couple of days at work and at rehearsal. The director and the playwright keep changing the script for this new translation of The Merry Widow which means a lot of work for me, trying to make sure both sides approved all the changes and then making sure the cast gets all of them. It's a complicated process and quite frustrating. On top of that, there were major problems getting my timesheet in for the new BEHIV job, I had to wait at the sketchy Wilson El stop for almost 45 minutes the other night, and I tore the leg of yet another pair of good pants while trying to ride a bike. That all happened in the last 52 hours so by today, I was exhausted. I wanted to return In America so I sat down this afternoon and started it. The beauty of this movie is in the wisdom of children. I think us "grown-ups" tend to forget how wise children really are and we lose touch with the simplicity of the wisdom we used to have. Children let go of hardship more easily because they have an easier time focusing on the here and now.

It's really funny because I've been thinking about what it was like to be a little kid a lot lately. In the LOW office yesterday, Paige and Colm started talking about how "different" childhood was for the "over 25." I really laughed at them for that (they are both in their early 30s) because my childhood was really not so different from what they were describing and I'm not yet over 25... Here are some of the things they just assumed would be foreign to my childhood (although Paige said that my excuse was that I grew up in the South...which might be true...)

I didn't grow up talking on cell phones and waiting for friends to "page" me.
Because of the lack of cell phones, we would go playing for hours in the neighborhood and the only way our parents could get ahold of us was yelling really loudly or calling friends houses to see if we were there.
I never had a Playstation, Nitendo, or Xbox, and I didn't watch TV all afternoon. Instead, my friends and I played outside on the swingset, had pick-up games of baseball and soccer in the circle or my back yard, and sometimes in the summer we would have huge block-wide games of capture the flag.
If it was rainy outside, instead of turning on the TV or surfing the internet, we'd read a book, play card games, or make art.
If we got bored, we'd just walk over to a friends house and knock on the door, without our parents walking us there.

I can't think of the other 8 things or so that I connected with on the list. If I find it, I'll post it. But the whole point goes back to being a kid. When I was a kid (as in before teenagehood), I would dance in the backyard and didnt' care if the neighbors could see me, I wore whatever I found clean in my room, and the future and the past were not things to spend too much time worrying about.

The kids in In America are the ones who remember that wisdom of living in the moment and a major theme in the movie is about the kids teaching the parents to let go. I'm not saying the girls didn't feel sorrow or pain, it would be an insult to say that kids did not feel like that. On the contrary they did feel those things but somehow were able to keep living in the present. It was a beautiful thing to watch.

I'm sure there are plenty of other things I could write about pretaining the movie but I'll leave it for another time. Let me know if you have thoughts about this movie too. It really just impressed me and I loved it.

So the other part of my title is "Drama Therapy." I was doing some research the other day at BEHIV about art exhibits for fundraisers, especially those exhibiting art from art therapy patients. In one of my numerous internet searches, I found something about drama therapy! I'm sure most of you have heard of art, music, or dance therapy but like me, drama therapy might be something new to you! I had always wondered if there was such a thing and, surprise!, there is!

It's kind of ironic, "drama therapy," because Bud, my acting teacher, is always reminding us NOT to use acting as therapy because that is not what it is for and we will end up messed up. I completely agree with that. Making a career out of something so you can "feel better" or "figure things out" is not healthy. But there is something therapeutic about being on stage and creating stories and characters! And that's the field of drama therapy! Drama therapists work with many different kinds of groups such as mentally disabled or ill, prisoners, homeless, people with serious diseases like cancer and HIV/AIDS, abused children, etc. I'm still just starting to learn about it but I'm interested in seeing if it might be a route I'd like to take with my own education and career. There are only three universities in the US and Canada which have programs accredited by the National Association of Drama Therapy, so it is obviously a small field of graduate studies at the moment. I'm always searching for ways to use what I love, theater, to help other people and this is just one more option. When I took all those silly career assessment/surveys when applying to colleges, the number one career I would be good at was apparently a psychologist or counselor. It always surprised me until my friends started telling me I should go into therapy since I have some weird way of making people feel better. Now with my own depression, I'm starting to see how much passion I have for the subject. I did not pursue psychology in college because I love theater more and I know I want to have a career related to theater in some way. But now that I see there is a way to bring it into therapy, I'm going to see where that takes me. My religion background will be very helpful if I decide to do this, seeing as it helps me understand other cultures and ideologies. This may just be one of my many career fads which gets pushed to the back of my mind as I find other things I want to do but maybe it won't be. It's an extremely interesting subject, in any case, and I can't wait to read some books about it.

I should have saved some of this for another post, I apologize. I just love writing things here because life just makes more sense when you write about it.

Ciao!

argh (a popular title)

2005-07-21T00:46:00.000-05:00

The show is keeping me really busy so I think weekends are going to be when I can update the most... I'm so very tired right now.

I've been doing a lot of reading because I spend at least an hour and half on the El going to and from rehearsal. I still have not let myself get heavy in Harry Potter because I need to finish other stuff first. I don't even know how I'm going to finish all the Greek stuff for Bud (Acting) in the fall. I guess those few weeks before class starts in September will be valuable.

I finally got around to reading the Laura Mulvey article "Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema" this week. I'm going to find my favorite quotes on the El tomorrow so I can post in more detail. I recommend reading the article if you are intrigued by what I've been saying about movies. I still don't agree with everything she says about the "castration complex" and her analysis of certain films. But it is starting to make a lot more sense.

I was very happy when reading the article to find out I was not completely insane that night when I went ranting about Batman Begins and how my problems with it related to this article I read. The connection is in how hero movies are often written and shot through the man's perspective and the females in the story, although they may have a lot of screen time, are only auxiliaries to the story, put there to serve the protagonist. Movies told from the female perspective often are called "chick flicks." There is a quote in the article of Rudd Boetticher that says "What counts is what the heroine provokes, or rather what she represents. She is the one, or rather the love or fear she inspires in the hero, or else the concern he feels for her, who makes him act the way he does. In herself the woman has not the slightest importance." That's how I would describe the Katie Holmes character in Batman. Mulvey goes on to talk about the "buddy movie' which just puts in a male sidekick so that "the active homosexual eroticism of the central male figures can carry the story without distraction." (Mulvey) A little explanation of the sexual descriptions - Mulvey talks a lot about films in sexual terms, in terms of scopophilia, eroticism, pleasure, castration, etc. She also seems to have a proclivity to Freud which might explain some of this. It is what makes the article a difficult one to digest but essentially very interesting once it can be digested. As I have said before, I really didn't like this article when I read it in class last fall. It's funny how opinions change with experiences.

So that was more than I expected to write tonight. I'll do some more digesting tomorrow and see if I can explain better soon.

Erica's coming tomorrow! Yay! So that means I probably won't have time to even get near my computer again until Saturday or Sunday, when she is out with other friends. I'm looking forward to this weekend. Because rehearsal has been a little stressed due to multiple script changes and a cramped rehearsal schedule. Oh yeah, I dropped a flat on my foot the other night too, so that hurts some. It's really disappointing, though, because it only turned a pale brown instead of an exciting purple and red combination. That would have drawn more sympathy but instead it just looks like a weird foot tan line. Oh well.

That was a big non-sequitor. I like those. But I apologize if it snuck up a little to much on all y'alls (I learned that phrase in "Misss-ippi." Yay for ASB 2005.

Okay, its late, gotta sleep. BEHIV in the morning. Hopefully they will have tons of interesting stuff for me to do. Or enough brainless data entry to make the day pass by.

Goodnight.

a new respect

2005-07-18T00:15:00.000-05:00

Hey folks. I feel like I've been neglecting you since it has been five days since my last post and longer than that since a particularly interesting one! I'm hoping this week will not be quite so hectic though. I worked 65+ hours this week between my two jobs and that will not happen again hopeful. Well, it will come close but not that close. As you know, I"m now in rehearsal for The Merry Widow at Light Opera Works and am working several days a week at BEHIV. I have considered quitting my BEHIV job but frankly, I feel a sick need to push through this and prove to myself that I can be self-sustaining. I love my LOW job but when I graduate, if I get a job like the one at the theater I have now, I will have to work a second job. So I should get used to it now. Not all stage managers make a good buck after graduation. You have to work your way up!

So I have a new found respect for all those parents who work more than one job to support their children. It is self sacrifice at the greatest. I also have a new respect for people I know who have to work their way through school and occasionally have to change schools or drop out long enough to make enough money to pay for it again. I am blessed in my parents being able to support me through school with the help of the government. Of course I will be in debt for many years after graduation, but that was my choice. And now I know that I can work two jobs to help pay off those loans.

So tomorrow is Monday and I start another long day of work. But I'm excited because it is a full day of rehearsal, and our first staging rehearsal! I've never worked on a show this scale but this is what I'm here to learn! I'm not just an intern anymore, I'm an ASM with a lot of responsibilities and now I get to test them out in the "real world."

I'm still doing a lot of reading, btw. I just bought Harry Potter #6 but I'm not really going to work too hard on that until I finish some of my other reading. I'm picking up "Why I am a Catholic" by Gary Wills again because of some conversations about the Catholic Church and it's "archaic" traditions. I also am almost done with the Orestia (I'm on the Eumenides...) and have almost finished the first book of Riddlemaster. So I'm hoping to tie off some of those loose ends this week on my long El rides. That's the advantage of rehearsal outside of Evanston. I get more time to read on the train! I always try to find that bright side.

Anyways, have a wonderful week and I will try to put some more "interesting" posts (aka rants) up soon. I"m sure things will come up throughout the week.

OOh! That reminds me. I read this morning that 99 Iraqis were killed by a suicide bomber this morning. I read it in the World section of the NYTimes online. It was not frontpage news and throughout the day, I did not see a single news station report on it for more than 4 seconds. I have deep sympathy for the victims of the bombings in London. But sometimes it seems like we ignore the devastion in other countries happening on larger scales, just because they don't look like us or have the same ideological beliefs as the "Western" world we live in. It just made me really sad, just as all loss of life makes me sad. It's why I hate war and deplore the actions of many politicians in our country as well as others. My life is precious to me as are the lives of all those people I love. But its as though we have been desensitized as a society to see other people as not having lives. Of course, the "other side" is guilty of this as well. But that doesn't make our society any less disheartening.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't seem like I'm downplaying the tragedy of recent events on our soil and those of our English friends. That's not my intention. It is all loss of life which is horrible.

Okay, glad I remembered that. More opinions to come soon. Thanks for reading!

In Search of an Enlightened State of Confusion

Oops...

Ugh like a slug

A Lenten Promise

A Philosophical/Psychological Self-Examination Caused by a Detour on the Bus

A new favorite book (I have more than one already)

My review

Mystery Novels Post #1

Ignorance is not bliss for the intelligent people who are expected to tolerate it!

I must be missing something...

Two guesses as to the subject of this post....

Batman Begins... Again... or "Why I see movies the way I do"

I commented

I commented

Then I went and modified my review and commented at 11:14pm

It's Too Darn Hot

Books, Thai food, and a movie...

Yay OBAMA.... And This American Life

Yay Maine!

Brrrr!

"This is one doodle that can't be undid, home-skillet."

Three more wins!

Anticlimax anyone?

One last (maybe) reason to vote for OBAMA tomorrow...

A funny ad before a great new addicting game!

A commentary on the film Black Book***

A Frivolous Blog Post

Got inspiration?

Election 2008 NPR stories

P.S. I Love You

Something funny. Hehehe!

An interesting politics poll

Elections 2008 - Super Tuesday is approaching!

Just a fluke...

this is not right...

Really cool game

No Angel

OBAMA!

Not at all a boring Thursday night...

home at last!

snow. again!

Ode to Snow

Top Ten Reasons to Clean One's Room

snow!

no b** b****!

10 things I like about living in Chicago

guess what. It's not funny anymore...

Eat, Pray, Love, and other things...

Work

Rats, Fish, Crabs, and Snails OH MY!

Another Take on the issue..

I don't get it!

coffee shop hopping

Alcoholic Pasta and Fireworks

Sad news...

my back hurts...

Some pictures

TEN POUNDS!!

Job Update and BOOK reviews/brain dump

Jobs

Moving. Ugh.

quick note

Back at last

THE PINK LINE!!! YAY!!!

back after a long time away

Just an update

Two Reflections

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

SPECTRUM!!!

Oh dear...

it's about time!

sleepy. very very sleepy

I crack myself up...

I'm back!

I know, this time was REALLY long...

i'm back. temporarily

Day off

the articles I promised to find

something like a retraction/clarification

too little too late...

Then I went and modified my review and commented

at 11:14pm

no b b**!